


It's Not Living (If It's Not With You)

by nyxocity



Series: It's Not Living (If It's Not With You) Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Boys Being Cute, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Co-workers, Comedy, Dirty Talk, Drama, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff and Smut, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, No Angst, Phone Sex, Quarantine, Romance, Strangers to Lovers, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, and they were zoommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:15:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 67,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25066765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyxocity/pseuds/nyxocity
Summary: And they were Zoommates: Jensen is a programmer working from home in the early days of quarantine when his world is rocked by an incredibly gorgeous new co-worker named Jared. It's Jared's suggestion to leave Zoom open all day so they can communicate about the project more easily, and every day their meetings run longer and longer, going well beyond working hours and delving into far more personal subjects than coding. They click so perfectly, but they're also both lonely and suffering from isolation, and Jensen doesn't know if they're just grateful for each other's company or if there's something more happening between them. And even if there was, even if Jared felt the same way, what can they do about it when they're two hours/states apart and confined by quarantine?
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Series: It's Not Living (If It's Not With You) Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188770
Comments: 563
Kudos: 498





	1. Quarantine Day 6

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be posting shorter chapters for this story, to reflect the feeling of quarantine, and also to give you more frequent updates now that I'm back to work. Beautiful cover art by Ophelia!

MONDAY

It’s only day six of quarantine and already Jensen’s looking at the patch of sunlight creeping across his desk with something like longing.

It’s silly, because he’d normally be sitting at his office desk by now, looking at the sunlight in the exact same way; creeping across his desk at a slow crawl. Then, he’d mostly ignored it, occasionally been annoyed by it as it glared off some object on his desk. Now, the sun feels very far away, and for all that he’d have loved to work from home before this, he misses his office, the people he’d talked to every day, the energy and life that filled the corridors and cubicles.

Loki doesn’t seem to mind the quiet though; lying sprawled out on his side right in the middle of the square of sun next to Jensen’s laptop, black fur caught somewhere between short and long illuminated by the golden light. His cat had seemed puzzled by Jensen’s staying home at first, but after three days he’d seemed to accept that he was going to have to tolerate Jensen’s presence constantly. Loki was the only good thing to come out of his last relationship, in Jensen’s opinion, but sometimes he isn’t sure the feeling is entirely mutual.

Jensen sets his steaming mug of coffee down carefully to the right of his laptop, on the non-cat-occupied side of his desk, and settles into his desk chair. He’s lucky he has a job where he can work from home. There are plenty of people out of work right now who don’t know what they’re going to do, or how long any of this will last. Even for him, with job security, everything feels bizarre, like he’s living in a faded photocopy, everything less real and solid, more gray and empty.

He glances at the time on his laptop screen and gets into gear. The actual meeting won’t start until 8:30am, but his boss schedules the meetings ten minutes earlier to give everyone time to get settled in. He logs in, face popping up on the screen at 8:26.

Someone’s already there.

For a second Jensen thinks he joined the wrong meeting, because he doesn’t recognize the person at all. And then he forgets about that entirely, because this guy is gorgeous. Like drop-dead, holy shit wow, how do you even fucking exist _gorgeous_.

He’s got a strong, wide jaw with high cheekbones, and his eyes are the most beautiful shade of hazel Jensen’s ever seen; light brown around the pupil, fading to light blue at the edges. They’re filled with warmth and friendliness, their unusual color set off by the natural tan of his skin. Brown hair falls long, ends curling just above the place where his neck meets his shoulders, shorter pieces in the front framing his face and threatening to fall forward, obscuring his vision. His shoulders are so broad they stretch beyond the view of the camera, and the lightweight, short-sleeved summer plaid shirt he’s wearing seems to strain with the effort of his every breath.

“Good morning,” the guy says, and his whole face lights up as he smiles at Jensen.

The smile makes him impossibly even more gorgeous, and Jensen is momentarily too stupefied to respond.

“I’m uh, I’m new,” the guy says after a moment, seeming uncertain as the smile begins to fade from his face.

Jensen can see himself on screen, staring like an idiot at his computer monitor. _Jesus, say something,_ Jensen thinks at himself in disgust.

“Right,” Jensen says, the word springing automatically to his lips. “New,” he echoes, giving his brain a few seconds to catch up. His brain doesn’t seem to be cooperating though, so he pushes forward with something familiar and easy. “Hi. Good morning. I’m Jensen.”

The guy seems to relax a bit, tension easing from his broad shoulders, smile lingering at the edges of his delectable pink mouth, crinkling at the corners of his hazel eyes. “I’m Jared. Nice to meet ya, Jensen.”

God, he’s Texan, too. There’s no mistaking the accent.

Another square flickers to life on the screen, and Jensen’s boss appears.

Jensen sits up straighter in his seat and focuses, greeting his boss with a smile. “Morning, Jeff.”

“Morning. I see you two have met,” Jeff says.

“Yeah. For a second I thought I was in the wrong meeting,” Jensen says, and chuckles. The statement is two parts covering for his awkward non-response earlier and one part breaking the ice on the meeting.

Jeff smiles, amiable. “Sorry about that. You know we discussed bringing in someone to help you on this project. Well, Jared’s our newest Junior programmer. He’s very talented, quite a resume. He’s going to be supporting you.”

They _had_ talked about it, but Jensen hadn’t expected they’d be bringing in someone new with quarantine happening. He certainly hadn’t expected the new person to be a certifiable smokeshow.

“Great.” Jensen smiles, nodding. “That’s great.”

“So I figure you can desktop share, go over the code together, show Jared what you’re working on, help him get comfortable with things.”

“Sounds good,” Jensen responds.

“Good,” Jeff smiles. “I hate to run, but I’ve got a mess of fires to go put out. You all have any questions before I go?”

Jensen’s got a million questions, but none of them are appropriate right now.

“No, I think we’re good.” He looks at Jared onscreen. “How about you Jared?”

“Not yet. I’ll probably have a bunch pretty soon though,” Jared adds, chuckling.

“Good,” Jeff says. “Ya’ll let me know if you need anything.”

Jeff’s face winks into blackness, and then it’s just Jared onscreen again, looking at him with those warm, hazel eyes.

“He didn’t tell you,” Jared says.

“He didn’t tell me,” Jensen agrees.

The both laugh after a moment, and Jensen suddenly feels a lot more comfortable.

“So you’re Texan, too,” he says, not quite making it into a question.

“Born and bred,” Jared agrees. “Houston, originally,” he adds.

“I was raised in Dallas,” Jensen says, and then asks, “So I guess you’re local to DC now?”

“Not yet. I’m in Virginia, about two hours south. I’m planning on moving closer to DC after quarantine ends.” Jared pauses and tilts his head. “Whenever that is.”

“Yeah.” Jensen gives a slow nod.

“So you’re in DC?” Jared asks.

“South West,” Jensen agrees. Jensen rents a smallish, old brick house in South West DC that sits at the crossroads of a diagonal and straight road, leaving the house with a strangely triangular fenced-in yard that’s not huge, but big enough to comfortably have a cookout in, and give a dog room to roam, if he still had a dog (the dog had been Jason’s and he’d taken it with him when he’d left). Having a yard at all in DC is something of a novelty, the city blocks lined everywhere with brick townhomes, both Victorian and new. He and Jason had lucked out to find a place with one, even if it was at a crossroads. The roads outside his house aren’t incredibly busy, but they’re not quiet, either. Well, not usually. Right now they’re eerily empty.

“So how are things going there?” Jared asks.

“All right,” Jensen replies, not entirely sure if that’s true. Everything outside his window seems suspect, and he hasn’t left the house in a week. “It’s quiet, not nearly as much traffic. There are some grocery stores a few blocks away, so I guess I’ll walk there when I have to, but I’m good for now.”

“Plenty of toilet paper?” Jared gives him a wide grin.

Jensen laughs. “I stocked up a little before quarantine, yeah. I had a feeling it was coming pretty soon.”

There’s a pause, and Jensen considers a moment before he asks his next question, not entirely sure if it’s appropriate. But it’s the one his friends and family keep asking him whenever they message him, and everything’s so weird right now he figures he might as well. “How are you holding up?”

Jared takes a deep breath, chest swelling beneath his light plaid shirt, and in the moment before he releases a long sigh, Jensen wonders how often Jared works out, because damn he’s built.

“You know.” Jared lifts his broad shoulders in a shrug. “All right, I guess. It’s strange though. Time is moving so slow. I live alone, so I haven’t talked to anyone or even seen anyone in almost a week. In person, I mean.”

“Yeah. Me, neither.” It comes out sounding sadder than he’d meant it to.

“How are _you_ holding up?” Jared asks, his voice softening, looking at Jensen like he actually cares.

The abject sincerity leaves Jensen with a catch in his throat. He clears it with a quick sound and tries to keep his tone light. “So far, so good. I spend most of my time at home when I’m not working anyway, so it’s not like that much has changed.”

“Yeah. Me, too.” Jared pauses for a moment, looking off to the side of his camera. “It’s different though, isn’t it?” he asks, looking back to Jensen. “When you _can’t_ go somewhere instead of just not wanting to?”

Jensen looks down at his keyboard and then nods. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.” He almost wants to talk about it, which is crazy, because he barely knows this guy, and besides, this is supposed to be about work.

Jensen takes a deep breath and then looks back up at Jared, exhaling and digging for a smile. “It’s nice to have some company though.”

“It is,” Jared agrees, and the smile on his face is blinding.

It’s like staring into the sun, and for a moment Jensen is mesmerized. _This is work, Jensen. He’s the junior to your senior, he basically works **for you**. Get your shit together._

Jensen takes a second, clears his throat and finds his place, glancing down at his keyboard before he asks, “Well, should we get started?”

Jared seems caught off guard, straightening up in his chair. “Yeah,” Jared says. A beat as he settles his elbows on his desk, and then, “Sure. Let’s get started.”

*

They spend two and a half hours going through the code, Jared asking lots of questions and Jensen answering them all, and at the end of it he feels comfortable having Jared work with him on the project. The guy clearly knows his code, and he’s extremely easy to talk to.

“Well, I guess that’s it,” Jensen says, closing the desktop share. “I’ll send you part of the code I need you to work on and…” He pauses, uncertain. He hadn’t thought through how they’re going to communicate, and this project is going to take a lot of communication. He’s also a bit reluctant to end the conversation, but that’s for reasons that have nothing to do with work.

“Do you... “ Jared pauses, white teeth tugging against his pink lower lip as he seems to debate. Jensen’s so distracted by the curve of Jared’s lower lip and the way his teeth look biting into it that he almost forgets Jared was saying something.

“This is gonna sound weird,” Jared says, seeming to start over, and he gives a short, half-uncomfortable laugh. “But do you want to stay on Zoom? Like leave the window open off to the side? It would make it way easier for us to communicate. And if I have questions I can just ask you instead of having to send an email every ten minutes.”

It does sound a little weird.

Jared goes on quickly, “You know, like if we were in an office where I could lean around the cubicle corner and ask you stuff.”

When he puts it like that it makes perfect sense, even if it is a bit unconventional. Of course, in an office setting you’re usually not staring directly at someone’s face the entire time.

On the other hand, he could stare directly at Jared’s face the entire time.

“Sure,” Jensen agrees, and then thinks maybe he agreed a little too quickly. But Jared had been the one to ask in the first place, so if anyone was being weird… But maybe Jared’s a little bit lonely right now, like Jensen is. The world is a weird, isolated and potentially scary place right now. Next to all that, Jared’s request seems mild.

“And I can just pull up the code whenever we need to discuss something, too,” Jensen adds.

“Cool,” Jared says, breaking into a broad smile, and Jesus he’s beautiful when he smiles like that, so easy and comfortable.

*

It _is_ kind of weird at first, Jensen self-conscious of every keystroke. His own face and Jared’s side by side in the upper left hand corner of his screen, where they can look up and see each other anytime. They do each put themselves on mute, though, until one of them needs to talk. In the end it isn’t really that different from being in a cubicle farm, and Jensen spent enough years there that he gets used to the feeling again pretty quickly.

Every time he glances up, he can see Jared’s gorgeous face, expression intent, eyes riveted on his work, fingers tapping away on his keyboard. Once or twice, Jared looks up and sees Jensen looking. The first time he averts his eyes, quickly looking back to his code window, but the second time, Jared flashes him a broad grin and Jensen smiles back before returning to his work.

They break for lunch, Jensen going to the kitchen to make a sandwich. He’d actually managed to buy bread before things got bad, and he’s still got three quarters of a loaf left. He piles on turkey, cheese, lettuce and a couple slices from his last tomato, squeezing honey dijon mustard all over it.

He’s a couple bites in when he wonders if Jared was expecting him to come back. They’d been working together; maybe Jared expected them to eat lunch together, too. They hadn’t really talked about it.

He walks from the kitchen to the small room that serves as his office (which probably served as a nursery in another life) and peeks around the doorframe at his laptop screen. Jared’s onscreen, but he isn’t eating.

Jared’s lap is filled with the upper half of a golden retriever, its face upturned to Jared’s, pink tongue licking over the point of Jared’s chin. Jared’s grinning, pure joy radiating from his face, so close to the dog’s as he looks it in the eye, his massive hands rubbing its ears. Jensen can’t hear anything because Jared’s muted, but his lips are moving, saying something to the dog as he strokes it. The dog, for its part, is overjoyed, and well, who wouldn’t be, on the receiving end of that gorgeous, happy face? Those huge hands stroking over--

Jensen’s train of thought is derailed as Jared gets up from the chair, walking away in view of the camera, dog almost prancing as it follows behind him, shaggy tail wagging like crazy. Jensen watches as they vanish offscreen, and then leans against the door frame.

Still thinking about Jared’s hands, Jensen takes another bite of his sandwich.

*

When they pick back up twenty minutes later, they converse about lunch, Jared remarking on Jensen’s luck at actually having bread. Apparently Jared had been forced to “make do” with Doordash sushi delivered to his door.

“You’re not worried about catching the virus from take-out?” Jensen asks.

Jared lifts a shoulder. “I mean yeah, a little. But I don’t really cook.” He pauses, then adds, “Plus I don’t have any bread,” grinning like that explains everything, and Jensen can’t help but laugh.

They talk for a few minutes more about food and this and that, Jensen happy to have the excuse to look at Jared full on in the face without feeling like a creep sneaking peeks. He doesn’t mention anything about the dog, or what he saw, because that definitely falls into the ‘creep’ category. The dog is nowhere in sight, but Jared still looks joyful, bright and energetic as they settle back into work.

They go back and forth a lot, Jared asking questions, Jensen helping him when he gets stuck, and when Jensen’s phone alarm goes off, he’s startled, reaching for it with a half-blind, slapping hand. He finally manages to silence it, looking at the time displayed on the screen with surprise, and more than a little disappointment.

“You have somewhere to be?” Jared asks, an amused smile playing about his lips.

Jensen feels his cheeks flush with slight heat, because it is kind of silly, and then he recovers with a grin. “Yeah, hot date.”

“The CDC would frown on that,” Jared teases, smile blooming into a grin.

“Hey,” Jensen says, “what happens between me and my dinner is none of the CDC’s business.”

“Ooh, a ‘hot dinner’ date,” Jared says, his teasing turned appreciative, now. “I can't compete with that.”

_You really could_ , Jensen thinks. _You really, really so very could._

He reins in the thought, and slightly changes the subject, explaining, “If I didn’t set an alarm I’d end up working until midnight before I realized what time it was.” Although thinking about it now, he isn’t so sure that would have been a bad thing, today.

“Hazards of working from home.” Jared chuckles, seeming to get it.

“Yeah.” Jensen nods. “I’m sure you’ve got big dinner plans,” he goes on, aiming for a teasing tone.

“Oh yeah,” Jared affirms as he leans back, body tilting away from the screen as his chair creaks. His expression is comically serious. “I’m gonna mix it up tonight. Uber Eats instead of Doordash.” Jared nods, adding his next words like a threat. “I might even order _dessert_.”

“You madman,” Jensen condemns, deadpan.

Jared breaks, laughing first, Jensen following behind, and it takes them a few seconds to get themselves under control.

“I feel like we made good progress, today.” Jensen meets Jared’s eyes, smile still creasing his face.

“For sure,” Jared agrees, smiling back. “I think we’re gonna make one hell of a team.”

Jensen holds Jared’s gaze, even though it’s hard to look straight into that gorgeous face and those warm eyes and hold on to anything like a coherent thought. “Me, too.”

“Have a good night, Jensen.”

“You, too.”

They both hesitate for a moment, and then Jensen closes Zoom, feeling the connection break with a sensation that’s almost physical.

He turns off the monitor, staring at the black, reflective surface for a few long minutes.

“Ninety-five percent chance he’s straight, Jensen,” he murmurs out loud and then sighs. He pushes up from the chair and shuts the laptop, turning and walking to the kitchen.

*

It’s no good.

Jensen usually loves his time in the kitchen; it’s a time when he gets to be alone and creative in a different way, trying out and testing new things. Cooking requires focus and doesn’t allow much room for stray thought, especially when you have three different things cooking at once. Getting all of your food to the finish line at the same time so everything is still hot when you eat it is no small feat, and Jensen takes great pleasure in making it happen.

But tonight he can’t focus at all, pasta pot boiling over, cauliflower rubbery, tomatoes burnt. He’s completely distracted, thinking of Jared’s face, the way he’d smiled when he’d caught Jensen looking at him, the way his voice had softened when he’d asked Jensen how he was holding up. The way they’d teased and laughed at each other.

Loki sits on the counter, watching as Jensen loads his sad food onto a blue, ceramic plate.

“What do you think, Loki?” he asks, looking at the cat. “Am I an idiot?”

Loki stares at Jensen, unblinking, his expression the equivalent of a magic eight ball reading: ‘All signs point to yes’.

“Thanks,” Jensen mutters.

Unperturbed, Loki lifts a paw, beginning to groom himself.

The silence in the house feels oppressive, and Jensen takes his food to the living room, sitting down and turning on Netflix to fill the void. He tries to lose himself in a movie, but his mind keeps returning to Jared over and over, long after the credits have rolled and his food is ice cold.


	2. Quarantine Day 7

TUESDAY

He still takes a shower every morning and shaves, fingers combing light gel through his hair. Today he puts on faded jeans and dons a light green button-up, taking an extra moment in the bathroom mirror, tousling the short spikes of his hair a few times until they sit in the perfect configuration of messy and arranged. It’s an extra moment he usually doesn’t take, because he’s working from home and no one in the video meetings he sometimes has to attend is paying any kind of attention beyond the fact that he looks presentable. But this morning, he steps back from the mirror, viewing himself with a critical eye before he smoothes down the row of buttons on his shirt, running a hand along the side of his head.

Jesus. Like Jared’s going to care. 

He’s not _gay_ , Jensen. 

Jensen rolls his eyes at himself in the mirror and exits the bathroom, flipping off the light.

He makes his coffee in the French press Jason had bought him. Jason didn’t drink coffee, and Jensen should have known then that it wasn’t going to work out. Still, it had been a nice gift, and Jensen hasn’t looked back since the first time he’d made coffee in it. He pours boiling water into the press and then lets it sit while he feeds Loki. Ten minutes later, he’s carrying the steaming coffee mug to his office and sitting down at his desk. He checks the time, strange anticipation gnawing at his belly, and makes himself wait a few minutes, checking his email first.

There’s a message from Chad with a link to a scheduled Zoom meeting Friday at 8pm: _Be there, bitch. Danneel’s coming, too._

Jensen chuckles. It’ll be nice to see both of them. He hasn’t talked to either one except the occasional text since quarantine started.

He checks the time again and then logs into the Zoom meeting five minutes early.

Jared’s already there, shoulders stretching beyond the range of his camera, buttons on his plain, light-weight white cotton shirt not seeming equal to the task of holding back his muscles. What it is equal to is the task of offsetting Jared’s tanned skin, and Jensen doesn’t understand how this guy just gets _more_ attractive. 

“Morning,” Jared greets him, and flashes him that brilliant, beautiful smile.

“Morning,” Jensen replies, smiling back.

“Sleep well?” Jared asks, and those hazel eyes are lingering over him, inspecting him.

He’s supposed to say “great”, or some other positive thing, but that’s a lie. He’d gone to bed still watching Netflix, bleary-eyed as he’d pressed the next episode button far beyond any reasonable hour of sleep. 

“Not even a little bit,” Jensen admits, arch, his smile a combination of sarcasm and good humor. His tone is just cheerful enough to take the sting out of the realness, and that’s pretty much his usual brand when it comes to anything real and unpleasant. Honesty delivered with upbeat humor. 

Jared tilts his head slightly, those hazel eyes so warm as they light on Jensen’s. “Yeah. Good sleep is pretty much a thing of the past right now.”

Jensen lets his eyes sweep over the curves and planes of Jared’s face, tracing the beautiful architecture of his bones, and if Jared hadn’t slept well last night, Jensen can’t tell. He’s just as beautiful as he’d been yesterday.

“You look like you slept okay,” Jensen remarks.

“Looks can be deceiving,” Jared says, slight smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “Pretty soon Netflix is going to stop asking me if I’m ‘still watching’ and start asking if I’m okay.”

And that’s… well, Jensen can relate a little too hard, his lips tugging upward in a sympathetic smile. “I’m way past that. Pretty soon, Netflix is going to show me a screen that says I’ve already watched everything, please seek medical attention.”

Jared laughs, head tilting back, and damn, his neck is long, chin pulling to a nice, sharp point, so much tanned skin in between. His head levels, eyes meeting Jensen’s again, and he can see the way Jared turns a bit in his chair, shoulders relaxing against the back of his computer chair. “So what are you watching?”

Jensen hesitates for a second, and then admits, “Glow.”

“I love Glow,” Jared says, leaning forward a bit. “I started watching it because of Allison Brie, because I loved her in--”

“Community?” Jensen interrupts, brows rising.

“Yeah.” Jared grins, seeming surprised. “I have a re-watch of Community scheduled for quarantine, actually.” They both pause, considering each other for a moment, and Jensen bites back the urge to start gushing about Community. 

”What episode of Glow are you up to?” Jared asks.

Jensen honestly isn’t sure. He’d hit the next button a lot. “The one where she decides on her character being Russian. That’s the last one I remember.”

“That’s such a good one. I was trying so hard to figure out what character she would choose, and then, Russian. Duh. It was the 80s, she was the rival of the All-American woman. I can’t believe I didn’t see that coming.”

They talk about Glow way longer than they should, Jared trying not to spoil him for future plots. Jensen stops short of telling Jared his theory about the character named Bash; Jensen has been 100% sure from the first moment the character appeared that Bash is gay, though the show hasn’t alluded to it in any obvious way. But if he did that, it would leave a perfectly natural opening to tell Jared that Jensen is gay--so much so that if he _didn’t_ tell Jared it would almost be like lying. Jensen’s not ashamed of being gay, but he isn’t sure he wants Jared to know yet, because then Jared might feel uncomfortable staying on Zoom, and Jensen is enjoying Jared’s company.

It’s still kind of like lying. And a little selfish. He feels a tiny bit guilty. But it’s not hurting anyone. 

By the time they start working, the sun is a quarter of the way across Jensen’s desk. Time had really gotten away from both of them, and he has to force himself to focus, consciously having to restrain himself from continuing to talk to Jared. They put themselves on mute and Jensen starts up Spotify, clicking on a playlist to fill the silence.

He’s deep into coding when Loki decides to ‘help’ him, gold eyes bright as he paws at the keyboard. Jensen shoos him away, but the cat circles his laptop, coming around the other side and swiping at the keyboard again. Jensen stops typing and pushes him back, which earns him a rueful meow, Loki seeming offended by Jensen’s lack of appreciation for his help. The cat curls up next to his laptop in a patch of sun, giving Jensen a baleful stare before he lets his head fall against the desk, eyelids slipping closed.

Jensen glances at the time, surprised to realize it’s already 1pm, and unmutes himself to call for a lunch break. Jared seems surprised by the time as well.

“Did you…” Jensen starts to ask and then stops. 

Jared tilts his head at Jensen, his eyes attentive, and it’s so adorable Jensen has to make a conscious effort to regain his train of thought. 

“I just… I thought maybe you might… want to eat lunch together?” Jensen finishes, feeling like a moron.

“Oh.” Jared’s face brightens for a moment, and then his expression falls. “I’d love to, but I have to take my dog out for a while.”

“Where’s your dog now?” Jensen asks, relieved that he’s finally ‘allowed’ to know about Jared’s dog.

“I keep him crated while I’m working. He’d interrupt constantly if I didn’t.”

Jensen nods, still feeling vaguely stupid. “Totally understandable,” he says, summoning a grin.

“Hang on a second,” Jared tells him, and then pulls out his phone. He eyes the screen intently, fingers swiping and tapping for a long few moments. Jensen watches Jared’s face, then the way his long, strong fingers move with precise, confident movements.

“Okay, food ordered,” Jared declares, setting his phone on the desk. Then, as if noticing something, Jared leans forward a bit, cocking his head slightly. “What are you listening to?”

Jensen had forgotten he had music going. “Oh, just an alternative station on Spotify.”

“Is that Young the Giant?”

It is, in fact, one of Jensen’s favorites. “Yeah, Heat of the Summer. AKA, the theme song of last summer.”

“Yeah?” Jared asks, seeming amused. His hazel eyes twinkle mischievously as he asks, “So you didn’t have your shit together and were sitting around getting high last summer?”

Jensen laughs, pleased that Jared knows the song. “No. I didn’t mean _my_ theme. I just heard it all the time last summer, everywhere I went.” He sombers, thinking about last summer. It hadn’t been the best summer he’d ever had, things with him and Jason weren’t great even then, but he’d been able to go out and do things. There’d been bars and parties, and they’d even managed a week long vacation out to Rehoboth Beach.

“Yeah. I miss last summer, too,” Jared says and sighs, seeming to read Jensen’s mind.

Jensen is tempted to talk about it, but that would mean admitting he’d had a boyfriend. It’s far safer to talk about music, but… Jared’s expression is so wistful, eyes filled with remembered happiness, tempered by longing. 

“What’d you do last summer?” Jensen asks before he can help himself.

“I went to Rome. Florence. The architecture was amazing. Everything was so beautiful, and the _food_.” Jared makes an obscene noise and Jensen feels it brain to heart to groin.

 _Did Jared sound like that when he was eating?_ Jensen wonders. And then, on the heels of that, _Does he sound like that when he’s having sex?_

“The Fettunta alone,” Jared tells Jensen, like he’s sharing some kind of amazing secret. “I know it’s just garlic bread, but it’s ‘just garlic bread’ like the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel is ‘just a painting’.”

“That good?” Jensen asks, arching a brow. And that’s good, look like you’re really paying attention Jensen, like you weren’t just imagining Jared having sex.

Jared makes another obscene sound and Jensen’s eyelids flutter. He clenches his jaw to keep from biting down against his lower lip, fingers locked in a deathgrip around the edge of the desk, and decides he’d better change the subject.

“Did you go alone?”

Jared lifts a shoulder and tosses his hair back from his face. It’s such a natural, beautiful movement, completely unconscious, years of habit giving it an air of innocence. “No. I was seeing someone then.” 

Jared glances away with the words, something shadowed in his eyes, like maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it. Jensen doesn’t push the subject, but he does take note of Jared saying he _was_ seeing someone, as in past tense, as in not anymore. Plus, Jared said he hasn’t seen anyone in person for a week. So he’s probably not seeing anyone now, either. Definitely not living with anyone.

_Jesus, Jensen. You barely know this guy. And he’s not gay._

Jensen takes a moment, clears his throat lightly, and then makes an effort to forcibly dislodge his head from his ass.

“Did you see the Sistine Chapel?” Jensen asks.

Jared’s expression changes instantly, from vaguely reluctant to something so beautiful it leaves Jensen momentarily breathless. Jared’s hazel eyes go wide and soft, looking not at Jensen, but through him, loose focus and hazy happiness, his pink lips parted in a dreamy smile.

“I did. I never understood what sublime meant until I stood in the chapel and looked up. It’s truly amazing.” Jared’s eyes come back to focus on Jensen, some of the haze leaving them. “It’s hard to describe. It’s like… you see pictures of something all your life, and you think you know what it’s like. You can memorize the entirety of it and feel like, okay, I’ve seen that, why do I need to go there and see it in person? But standing there, in person, looking up at the beauty of it, it was like… touching greatness. The scent of the building, the graceful architecture, the vibrance of the paint, the way it flows, the stories it tells. It felt…” Jared trails off, shaking his head slightly, hair brushing against his cheeks. He chuckles then, and glances down, away from Jensen, almost like he’s embarrassed. 

“It felt like being part of something, I guess,” Jared finishes.

“That wasn’t what you were going to say.” Jensen’s reprimand is gentle.

Jared’s eyes glance off Jensen’s and he chuckles again. “I get a little carried away sometimes,” Jared admits, the slightest bit of shyness peeking through his usual confidence. “Actually, I’m kind of a gusher,” he adds, with a light laugh that’s possibly the cutest thing Jensen’s ever heard.

Jensen hesitates a moment, and then says, “Me too.” Jared’s eyes meet his with surprise and Jensen laughs this time. “Gushers of the world unite.

“Really?” Jared asks, one brow rising. “Because you seem so… pulled together.”

Jensen’s laugh this time is a rough, single, sardonic sound that escapes his throat. “Get to know me.”

Jared’s eyes are locked on his now, more heat than warmth, a depth of intensity beyond anything Jensen’s seen in him so far.

Jared takes a breath and parts his lips, about to speak, and that’s when Loki decides he’s had enough of Jensen ignoring him, strutting onto Jensen’s keyboard and plopping down in the middle of it.

The code window on Jensen’s screen goes crazy with gibberish and Jensen bites back a curse, scooping the cat up and pulling it into his lap. The moment they’d been having--if that’s what it was (and even now the sense that there was a moment at all is fading)--is gone, and Jensen’s left with a warm, furry circle caught between his arms.

“You have a cat.” Jared gives him one of those wide, warm smiles and Jensen feels his heart melt a little.

“Yeah, this is Loki,” Jensen says, the words delivered with long-suffering affection.

The smile falls off Jared’s face, his eyes widening fractionally and Jensen reviews what he just said in his head, trying to figure out why Jared looks almost shocked.

“Your cat’s name is Loki.” Jared delivers the words with a peculiar flatness.

Jensen still doesn’t understand, arms tightening around the purring mass of fur in his arms. “Yeah. You know… he’s my little god of mischief.” Jensen’s always loved Loki’s name--he’d given it to the cat, after all. Jensen isn’t sure why Jared seems so put off by it, and despite all his warm, fuzzy feelings for Jared, he’s starting to feel a little protective.

“That’s so weird,” Jared goes on, and then, to Jensen’s relief, he breaks into a smile again. “My dog’s name is Thor.”

“Oh.” _Oh_ . “Wow, that _is_ weird.” It’s weird enough that Jensen is left without anything else to say.

“Right?” Jared asks, thankfully filling in for Jensen’s brain lapse. “He’s big, brave, sweet and blond, so the name seemed to fit.” 

“This one earned it for being a little shit,” Jensen says, rubbing behind the cat’s ear. Loki purrs like a tiny motor, jutting out his chin and turning his head into Jensen’s touch.

“Loki and Thor.” Jared speaks the words like he’s mulling them over. Jared looks at Loki for a moment longer and then lifts his eyes to meet Jensen’s, lips parting in a wide, bright smile as he drops a wink like a bomb on Jensen. “Clearly this means we’re soulmates.”

The way Jared says it, it’s clear he means it as a total joke, but between the wink and the words themselves, Jensen’s heart seems to stop completely.

There’s a sound in the background of Jared’s mic, and Jared turns his head away from the camera. “Food’s here.”

Jensen only has one thought that makes sense, and he clings to it like a dying man, desperate not to let the moment get away. 

“Jared. What were you going to say before, about being in the chapel? What did it feel like?”

Jared turns back to the camera, small smile curving his lips, that dreamy haze filling his strangely gorgeous eyes again. He takes a moment, as if gathering his thoughts, strong white teeth tugging against his lower lip. “It felt… like being more than alive.” His eyes rise to meet Jensen’s directly, raw emotion in them laying Jensen bare. “It felt transcendent.”

Jensen swallows hard, laid low by the words, by the expression on Jared’s face, the complete openness of him. 

The sound of rapid knocking comes from the background of Jared’s mic again.

“I better go get the food.” Jared pauses, then says, “See you in half an hour.”

He leaves Jensen with the flash of a brilliant smile, rising and walking away out of range of the camera.

Jensen’s still sitting there, staring at the monitor without seeing anything.

 _Transcendent_ , he thinks, and thinks he’s beginning to understand the feeling, himself.

*

Jensen makes his sandwich in a bit of a daze, his only cogent thought a moment of sadness for his lack of tomatoes. He carries it on a paper plate to the kitchen window by the dining area, neglecting to actually sit down. He stares out at the green grass beginning to take hold of the yard, street beyond it punctuated by the occasional passing of a car; red, black, green. 

A few minutes later, half of the sandwich in his stomach, he feels a little more solid, finally sliding into one of the wooden chairs at the small round table. Outside, the sun is shining brightly, and in the background, the haunting strains of music float on the air from his office, sharp guitar chords, sticky heat and dreamy lyrics, words carried to him like they’re already inside his mind.

 _“It's coming in a little bit hot, see  
_ _Loving what I feel but it gets to me  
_ _And I know it's all in my head  
_ _And it still makes the world feel a little like it ain't real_

 _I swear you move slow motion  
_ _Watching you looks like bending time_  
 _Catch me in your illusion  
_ _Helping me lose my mind”_

Yeah. That sums it up.

_Get a grip, Jensen._

He finishes his sandwich with purpose, pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind, and cleans up the kitchen in earnest, even though he hadn’t made much of a mess. He walks back to his office with thoughts of coding, of focusing on this project. He slides into his seat, feeling energized and ready, fingers poised over his keyboard, just as Jared sits down in front of him.

“How was lunch?”

“Fine,” Jensen answers, trying not to engage too deeply. “Sandwich again.”

“I ordered pizza. It was no Futtunta.” Jared chuckles.

Jensen nods, and there are a lot of things he wants to say, but he bites them all back. He needs to focus on the work, on the fact that Jared is his co-worker, and that he’s 95% likely not gay, and even if he was, probably not interested in Jensen anyway.

“So I feel like I have a real line on this block of code,” Jared says, and his voice is so deep, low and husky. 

“Yeah?” Jensen asks, and he’s not trying to be curious so much as just encouraging Jared with regard to the project. 

“Yeah,” Jared replies, his tone confident, almost sexy. “Check this out.”

Jared taps on his keyboard, and code appears in their shared window. Jensen reads through it with a fine eye and then leans back a little, nodding. “Yeah. That will definitely work. And save us a lot of time.”

“Right?” Jared asks.

Jensen laughs, despite himself. “Don’t get cocky.”

“Sorry, that’s just how I roll,” Jared says, grinning.

“It’s smart,” Jensen affirms, trying to stand strong in the face of Jared’s sunshine filled grin. “You need to work on the specifics a little, but you’ve got the right idea.”

“Yeah, it’s not finished,” Jared agrees. “But give me a couple hours…”

“Then I’ll see you in a couple of hours.” Jensen smiles, and mutes himself, looking immediately down at his keyboard. He hopes it doesn’t seem rude, but he does need to focus, and so does Jared. He can’t. He can’t get caught up in this guy. It’s day two and he’s already thinking way too hard about how Jared is single, about those odd, hazel eyes and how they look straight into him. About soulmates and discovering the meaning of the word transcendent.

He’s an idiot.

When the end of the day comes, it feels too soon, and he spends far too long taking in the details of Jared’s face after not looking at it for several hours.

He’s such an idiot. And the part where they say goodbye?

It’s already getting harder.

“Good night, Jensen.” Jared smiles. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” Jensen replies, smiling back.

He clicks out of Zoom before Jared, shutting it down and closing the lid of his laptop, face falling against it, chin resting against smooth plastic.


	3. Quarantine Day 8

WEDNESDAY

In the morning, Jensen lingers in front of the mirror, turning his face back and forth. He watches the bathroom light fall and catch across his face at different angles, checking for dark circles under his eyes. He hadn’t slept worth a damn last night, hitting next on Netflix too many times and barely paying attention to what he was watching anyway, but his skin seems no worse for the wear. He runs a hand through his hair one more time and sighs. He looks nice, hell, he even smells nice though he isn’t sure why he bothered with either. It’s not like there’s anyone to appreciate the way he looks, and definitely not the way he smells.

He feels apprehensive about seeing Jared today, but he’s also really excited, which doesn’t make any sense to him, but here he is.

“You moron,” he says to himself in the mirror, and then rolls his eyes in the same direction he turns away, flipping off the bathroom light.

Jared’s waiting for him when he logs in, wearing a bright smile like sunshine and a v-necked white t-shirt that for once doesn’t look a size too small for him. This shirt looks approximately _two_ sizes too small for him. Jensen gives an appreciative glance at the way the fabric clings to Jared’s collarbones, the way it hugs his impressive chest muscles, and hopes Jared never figures out his actual shirt size.

It takes him a moment to find Jared’s eyes with his and then he smiles, hoping Jared hadn’t noticed him checking Jared out. 

“Have you had your coffee yet?” Jared asks.

It would seem like an ominous question, except that Jared’s smiling.

“Working on it.” Jensen tilts his head quizzically at Jared. “Why, what’s up?” Speaking of coffee…Jensen lifts his mug and takes a sip.

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” Jared goes on, and Jensen can see the glint in his eyes now, a little bit feverish. “So I kept working on the code. Check this out.”

Jared opens a window, showing Jensen lines and lines of code that take Jensen a couple minutes to read through. When he’s done, he blinks a couple of times and looks back to Jared’s expectant face.

“Wow, you really took that idea and ran with it. This is… this is going to save the project so much time.”

Jared beams at him, and Jensen can hardly stand looking him right in the face.

“I did good.” The way Jared says it, it’s almost not a question. He looks inordinately pleased with himself, smirk twitching around his mouth, that glint in his eyes a little sharper with pride.

“You did good,” Jensen agrees with a nod, unable to keep from smiling back. Honestly, Jensen’s impressed. Impressed, a little bit proud (which seems weird) and way more smitten than is good for him. He pushes that part of his feelings aside, though, focusing on being impressed and a tiny bit proud. “I was worried I wasn’t going to make the deadline before Jeff brought you on. Now we’re going to make it with plenty of time.”

“Oh yeah.” Jared grins, patting himself on the back--literally. “I’m awesome.”

“How much time did you spend on this?” Jensen asks with a shake of his head, looking at the code window again. No, that’s the wrong question; obviously Jared spent way too much time on this. “ _Why_ did you spend so much time on this?” Jensen asks, eyes moving across the screen to meet Jared’s gaze.

“I’m glad you asked.” Jared’s grin is brighter than the sun; it’s like a supernova, and Jensen feels singed by it. “I was thinking,” Jared goes on, “since we have some extra time, now, maybe we could do something fun today.”

Jensen blinks, trying to focus past Jared’s tanned, beautiful, beaming face. “Fun?” he asks, feeling slow.

“You do know what fun is?” Jared asks, tone teasing.

Jensen smirks, wry and enamored, and leans forward in his seat. “I think I vaguely remember the concept.” 

“Okay, so,” Jared says, warming to whatever subject he’s about to elaborate on. “I found out they have virtual tours for just about everything--like _everything_. It’s crazy. So I was thinking, it’s spring, which is the best time to go to the zoo.” Jared leans forward in his seat, eyes intent on Jensen, and lifts a hand, extending his fingers out and upward. “So what do you think, Jensen?” Jared leans so close to the screen that his face fills the entirety of his window square, pink lips parting in a wide smile. “Wanna go to the zoo?”

Jensen’s brain takes a few seconds to process that. When Jensen sat down this morning, he was ready to have a conversation and do some work and try to ignore how attractive Jared is. Those were his goals--some more simple than others, but his goals, nonetheless. He wasn’t prepared for this.

“You… want to go to the zoo?” Jensen asks, feeling like he’s still not quite understanding.

“Yes,” Jared replies in a tone of voice that sounds like ‘duh’. He arches a brow at Jensen and gives him a slow, lazy grin, and Jensen feels his stomach do a somersault. Which is just another reason they shouldn’t be doing this.

“We should…” Jensen trails off, then finds his place. “We should work. I mean we are technically getting paid right now.”

“I did enough work for both of us last night,” Jared says, waving a hand at the air.

That’s true. But still. Jensen feels like a man at the edge of a cliff, clinging on by his toes and nothing else.

Jared considers Jensen, lifting a hand to rest beneath his chin, teeth biting down against the side of his thumb. He arches both brows at Jensen, half-challenge and half-question.

“Why?” It’s all Jensen can think to ask.

Jared pulls his hand from his face and leans forward in his chair, eager, like he was only waiting for Jensen to ask. 

“Okay. So when I figured out the virtual tours thing last night, I went and looked at the zoo cams for the DC Zoo. And the only animals I could get a good view of were the Black-footed Ferrets.”

Jared’s obviously just getting warmed up.

“They were all sleeping, three of them, and two of them were sleeping normal, like one on its side, laid out straight, the other curled on a ball on its stomach. But there’s this other one, off to one side, and it gets up and plops down in the middle and on top of the other two, and it’s just sprawled out. And it keeps twisting itself into these weird upside down pretzel shapes, little paws sticking up in the air every which way.” Jared moves his hands around in a demonstration. “And it kept opening its mouth, yawning, licking out its tongue, and like, clicking its teeth together in this adorable chewing motion, while it was upside down.” Jared shakes his head. “Cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Changed my life.”

“A ferret changed your life?” Jensen asks, teasing and dubious.

Jared holds up a hand in front of the camera. “Hear me out.” He lowers his hand, his expression more serious now. “Everything feels so strange and bad right now. The world is a mess. No one is sleeping well, depression is kicking in, lots of people are lonely, feeling isolated, everything’s upside down. I know I’ve been kind of a mess.” Jared lifts his shoulder in an unselfconscious shrug. “Thor helps, but you know…”

Jensen knows.

Jared goes on, “Everything feels like a distraction. Something to make us forget what’s going on out there. But this was like almost being somewhere else. Seeing something that was happening somewhere else. And this,” Jared makes a gesture with his hands as if to indicate the size of something, “this little ferret… I felt it in my heart.” Jared pulls his hands apart, fingers of one gesturing towards his chest. “I felt happy. This cute little animal just doing its thing brought me peace and joy. And I thought…” Jared sits back again, moving a hand to push his hair back from his face. He glances away from Jensen, as if uncertain, and then he meets Jensen’s eyes full on, extending his hands like he’s presenting something. “I thought it was something worth sharing.”

Damn.

Jared’s probably a little over-expressive because of his lack of sleep, but only a little. This is just… how he is. How he goes through life. Raw, open honesty, hope and sunshine shooting straight out of his heart in blinding rays. There’s sadness in him, too, even if Jensen’s only seen glimpses of it, and a bit of hesitation and shyness in him at times, but it doesn’t _stop_ him. Hell, Jensen isn’t even sure it slows him down.

He’s amazing. Beautiful inside and out and Jensen knows it’s crazy to even think that after only knowing Jared for three days, but he feels it, deep and true, at the core of his heart. This guy is exactly who he seems to be; one hundred percent real.

This guy is going to _end_ him.

Jensen licks his lips and swallows, and then nods, because he doesn’t really have a choice after everything Jared just said, never stood a chance against it.

“Let’s go to the zoo.” Jensen’s voice sounds rough to his own ears, like an uneven length of gravel crushed beneath tires, but the smile that blooms on Jared’s face makes it seem like Jared doesn’t notice.

*

  
  


Jensen insists they go to the Black Footed Ferret cam first, but it’s daytime, so the camera set in their den shows up as empty. 

“Let’s check out the lion enclosure,” Jared suggests. 

The lion camera is outside, and the lions are out in force, although they’re mostly lounging around in the grass. One of the females is patrolling the edge of the water, and the other females seem alert, although lying down. But the male…

The male lion is out cold. Dead ass asleep and in so deep that he’s dreaming about roaring, sounds issuing from his throat like a lawn mower that refuses to start. His lips are making the most ridiculous shapes, and they both crack up over it, starting to calm down before the lion makes the noise again and sends them into another fit of laughter, again and again.

“King of the Jungle.” Jared wipes tears from the corners of his eyes and shakes his head.

“Yeah, he’s not scaring anyone,” Jensen agrees.

They switch back to the Black-footed Ferret den, just to see, and two of the ferrets are there, fighting and wrestling with bites that seem so savage Jensen is concerned for a moment until one flips willingly over onto its back, nipping at the other one to entice it. They spend a solid five minutes watching the ferrets play fight, and then the third one comes in from the tunnel leading out of the den and the fur really flies for a couple minutes after that, paws and teeth and roly-poly bodies everywhere.

Jensen can’t help but smile, feeling relaxed for the first time in a while.

Finally, the ferrets all exit through the tunnel as if on cue, and the den is empty.

“Not as cute as when they were sleeping…” Jared says.

“But still pretty cute,” Jensen finishes, with a nod of his head.

“You seem happy,” Jared says, hazel eyes narrowing a fraction, corner of his mouth tugging in a grin.

It’s true. Jensen feels cheerful, more upbeat than he has in days, and whatever else he might feel, he’s happy to have Jared in his life.

They check in on the elephants, finding a lone elephant bathing itself in the indoor pool, trunk arching gracefully to pour water over its back before dipping down to fill up again. The pandas are eating, cramming bamboo stalks into their mouth and crunching loudly, and it’s almost mesmerizing to watch. The naked mole-rats are weird looking, but watching them shred their fruits and veggies with their gigantic teeth is hypnotic and a little terrifying. Jensen’s glad they aren’t meat eaters.

Finally, they go to the cheetah cam, and Jensen’s excited. He’s always been a big cat fan, but cheetahs are his favorite.

Two cheetahs come into view, their spotted coats arranged in a strange configuration, and Jensen doesn’t understand at first, tilting his head to the side. And then he does.

The cheetahs are mating.

“Oh,” Jared breathes, and then chuckles. 

Jensen doesn’t say anything, not trusting himself, because what he’s feeling right now is a little too close to jealousy, and that’s just weird.

And then Jared says, softly, “At least the cheetahs are getting some.”

“Yeah.” Jensen nods and shifts in his chair. “Good for them.”

“I miss sex,” Jared says, and sighs.

Jensen’s hand tightens into a fist, teeth biting down against the inside of his lower lip.

“Not that I was having it often before quarantine,” Jared qualifies, voice still soft. “But I miss it a lot now that I can’t have it.”

It’s a perfectly normal thing to say between friends, and Jensen guesses they qualify as friends at this point. But it doesn’t feel normal at all. It feels like fire in his veins, like heat and want, and if Jared was next to him right now, he’d sink his hand into that long, luxurious hair, twist it around his fingers into a fist and tug Jared’s head back, expose that gorgeous throat, crush his mouth against Jared’s--

“Sorry,” Jared apologizes. “That was probably more than you wanted to know.”

Jensen’s nails bite into his skin, and then he takes a deep breath. “Nah, it’s fine.” That’s a lie. “I get it.” That’s the truth. 

“Yeah. Still.” 

Jensen risks glancing over at Jared’s face, and Jared’s eyes meet his for a moment, warmth turned to something that looks like heat, gaze a little unfocused, lips parted and cheeks tinged with just the slightest blush of pink. 

Jensen averts his eyes quickly, looking back to the cheetah cam, but that doesn’t really help him either, so he looks off to the side of his laptop screen altogether. “Not like you can…” Jensen hesitates and then pushes the words out, feeling like he needs to know. “I mean, it’s not like you can pick up chicks during quarantine.” He can almost hear the squeak of the reel as he throws that fishing line out, and tries not to wince.

Jared huffs out a vaguely bitter chuckle that sounds like agreement. “Yeah, not really.”

Jensen feels his heart sink all the way to his gut. 

_Come on, Jensen. It’s not like you expected any different._

He hadn’t. Not really. But if his disappointment is anything to go by, apparently he’d still hoped.

Jared clears his throat. “Maybe we should give these cheetahs some privacy. We can try the second cam.” Jensen drags his eyes back to the screen as Jared clicks on the tab for the second camera and hits play.

There are a few cheetahs outside, lounging close to each other in the grass, basking in the golden sunlight. They’re not doing much, but Jensen makes an effort to focus on them, to clear his mind of his disappointment. He can’t let Jared know how he’s feeling, and he needs to not be feeling like this anyway. 

“I love cheetahs,” he says, mostly for something to say. “They’re my favorite big cat. So fast and graceful. They’re the most friendly and docile of the big cats, too. Really affectionate with humans--well, when they’re raised in captivity, anyway.”

“They’re beautiful,” Jared murmurs, and it sounds like agreement. 

Jensen risks another look at Jared, and Jared’s looking directly at him with those strange, alluring blue eyes, hazel centers clinging to the pupils. Jensen summons a quick smile to answer Jared’s gentle, lingering one, and then pulls his gaze back to the cheetah cam, because looking at Jared feels like a little too much right now.

“I guess you’re more of a dog person though?” Jensen manages to ask, and mostly he thinks he sounds normal.

“I like cats, too,” Jared says, tone easy and light. 

“I used to have a dog,” Jensen says, before he can think the better of it. There’s a few seconds of silence where he mentally kicks himself for letting that slip.

“Used to?” Jared prompts.

Jensen hesitates for a long moment, thinking there’s no reason to hide the truth anymore, not now that he knows Jared’s straight. But when he speaks, all he says is, “Bad break up.”

“Oh.” There’s a pause, and then Jared says, “Yeah, I know a little about those.”

Jared couldn’t have given him a better opening to talk about it, and Jensen wonders if it’s too early to have a beer.

“Too soon to talk about it?” Jared asks.

Jensen takes a breath and shifts in his chair. “It wasn’t that recent.”

“I meant too soon to talk to someone you barely know about it.” 

Jensen wills himself to look at Jared, at that glowing, open, honest, caring face. He could tell Jared. He could tell Jared everything. But he shouldn’t.

He opens his mouth to make a joke, or change the subject, maybe suggest that beer idea to Jared. What comes out instead is, “I feel plenty comfortable talking to you.”

Jared just looks at him for a moment, and Jensen wishes he could take it back. But then Jared nods, never breaking eye contact as he says, “I feel the same way.”

Jensen nods in return, unsure of how to respond to that, surprised and a little touched.

“It’s weird, right?” Jared asks, faint smile playing about his lips. “I mean I know we just met, but it’s almost like…”

“We’ve known each other for a really long time?” Jensen asks.

Jared’s face blooms into one of those dazzling smiles. “Yeah.”

Jensen looks at him for a moment longer, that wide smile, that beautiful face and the heart that seems to be just as gorgeous, and he suddenly needs that beer very badly.

“Were you planning on doing any work today?” Jensen asks, arching a brow at Jared.

“Not if we can help it.” Jared’s grin grows even broader.

“How do you feel about having a couple beers?” Jensen asks.

“During the day?” Jared gasps, pretending to be scandalized.

Jensen laughs, and Jared’s eyes seem to light up with joy.

“Well,” Jared says, still smiling. “It _is_ quarantine.”

*

Jensen is careful to sip his beer slowly, not wanting to get drunk (because that would be a terrible mistake), but he gets enough of a buzz to take the edge off things. They don’t talk about Jensen’s bad break up, and they take their time finishing their zoo tour, conversation flowing easily from topic to topic. At some point, Jensen notices the camera they’d been watching has long since turned black, feed running out after the initial fifteen minutes.

And this… This is never going to be anything but friendship between them, Jensen knows that now. It’ll never be what Jensen wishes it could. But the easy way they talk and make each other laugh, the way he feels like he could tell Jared anything, the way Jared smiles at him like he feels the same way--all of those things are still important, and wonderful, and remarkable. Even if it’s never what Jensen wants it to be, this is still a thing worth having. It’s special. Unique.

 _Transcendent?_ His inner voice asks, and he shoves it to the back of his skull. 

It goes without much fight; the alcohol makes it easier. It’s not wrong though.

They talk about sports, about Texas, about their families, music and philosophy and a dozen other things, and when Jensen finally stops to think how long it’s been since they even looked at an animal camera, he realizes it’s been dark outside for a while.

He stops in mid-sentence as the thought strikes him. 

“You okay?” Jared asks. 

Jared’s tipsier than Jensen, having had several more beers, and his cheeks are flushed pink, his voice a little lazier, slow drawl more pronounced. It’s dead sexy, and Jensen’s been trying to enjoy it without letting it sink in too deep for hours now.

“I forgot to set my alarm. It’s seven-thirty.” Jensen blinks, unable to believe it’s that late. “How did that happen?”

“Alcohol and good company.” Jared grins and takes another drink from his beer, tilting his head back, long throat working as he drains it.

It’s a view Jensen’s seen a few times today and it feels almost like watching porn. He knows he should look away, but he can’t help himself. As sexy as it is, it doesn’t derail his entire train of thought, and he thinks that’s probably progress.

“We never even had lunch,” Jensen realizes.

“We kind of did.” Jared tips his bottle at the camera and lifts it.

That’s a fair point, and probably why Jensen hadn’t ever gotten hungry. But Jesus… He feels like he hit a time-warp. Hadn’t it been noon just a little while ago?

There are six empty bottles lined up next to Jensen’s laptop, and his stomach feels a little funny, now that he thinks about it. “We should both probably eat something.”

Jared sighs, turning the neck of the beer bottle back and forth between his fingertips before setting it down. “Yeah. If we don’t want to feel like crap tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Jensen nods, feeling suddenly reluctant to end the meeting, even if it had been his suggestion. 

_It’s just quarantine, Jensen_ , he tries to tell himself. _You just don’t want to be alone._

“Thanks for the zoo, today.” Jensen smiles at Jared. It had been a really sweet, thoughtful thing to do. Jared had even worked most of the night before to make sure they had time for it. Jensen’s really more grateful than he knows how to say, so he tries to let it show through in his tone of voice, his expression.

“You definitely seem a lot happier.” Jared leans forward, as if to look at Jensen more closely. “You are happier?” he asks, eyes softening, like he really cares, and Jensen feels it like an arrow to the heart.

“Yeah.” Jensen grins. He feels a little gooey and a lot silly, but it’s the truth. “How about you?”

“Absolutely.” Jared nods, a bit too emphatically, but that’s the alcohol at work more than anything else. He pauses, mellowing a little, and gives Jensen a sweet, lopsided smile. “I had a good time today, Jensen.”

“Me, too.” A little too good, honestly, but that’s okay. Jensen knows what to expect now, he knows what the limitations of their relationship are, and he can live with them. He has to.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Jared says, and his smile isn’t dazzling this time, it’s subdued, warm and it feels… almost intimate. So intimate that it’s difficult for Jensen to look at.

He takes a deep breath and says, “Good night, Jared.”

“Night, Jensen.”

Jared’s still smiling, looking Jensen straight in the eye when Jensen disconnects, Jared’s face winking out of existence.

He can still feel Jared’s eyes looking at him, though, see that smile that felt like it was just for Jensen.

He exhales in a long sigh and rubs his hands over his face. He really has to stop thinking like this. He’d had a great time today--the zoo had been a perfect idea and the conversation even better--why can’t he just leave it at that?

Does he have to leave it at that though? Jared had come up with something very thoughtful and fun for them to do. Jensen could return the favor. That’s what a friend would do, isn’t it?

Jensen stares at the blank screen for a long moment, and then he opens Chrome, typing the words slowly into the search bar.

He stares even longer at the links that appear, hand moving to his mouse, cursor sliding over the first link in the results. His finger hovers over the button, indecisive, and then he lets go of the mouse, closing his laptop with his other hand and leaning back in his seat.

_It’s a bad idea, Jensen. Terrible idea._

He runs his fingers along the line of his jaw, looking at the silver lid of the laptop, and then he sighs, pushing up from his chair.

He takes himself to the kitchen, Loki rubbing silky sleek along his ankles and purring, nearly tripping him in the process. He feeds the cat first, then pulls ingredients from the refrigerator. 

He sets about making his dinner, trying to put the idea out of his mind.

The idea goes away long before the image of Jared’s last smile does.


	4. Quarantine Day 9

THURSDAY

Jensen’s lying on the ground, Jared rising above him, miles and miles of naked, golden skin, throat bared, head thrown back as he rides Jensen with wild, shuddering thrusts of his hips. Jared’s hair is a tangle of wet locks, perfect musculature sheathed in sweat, as beautiful as the art painted above them in rich, deep hues. 

Jensen is caught by the angle of his sharp jaw, the gorgeous hue of his eyes, and the delicious, wicked smile on his face is sinful as he looks down at Jensen, hips rocking against him, taking him deep and squeezing tight. Broad shoulders and wide chest, perfect pecs with dark brown nipples, tapering down to his narrow waist, stomach muscles sculpted as if by the finest hand, and no, Jensen was wrong--Jared is _more_ beautiful than the art above them, velvet heat of him gripping Jensen’s cock, skin burning up everywhere they touch.

Other fingers forming a loose fist, Jared extends the first two fingers of his left hand and presses the tips to his lips, kissing them gently as he rocks his hips into Jensen’s. He lets his hand fall as he sinks down the shaft of Jensen’s cock, fingertips touching the skin over Jensen’s heart, face following behind, wet, sweet heat of his mouth against Jensen’s. He can feel Jared’s touch against his heart like a brand, white-hot and searing, the taste of him like deep, dark forests, lush and primordial, green leaves and thickets, brambles and honey.

Jared rolls his hips with slow twist, hissing out Jensen’s name before he seizes Jensen’s lower lip between his teeth, biting and clamping down all around Jensen, and pleasure bursts through Jensen like a series of supernovas, exploding behind his eyes and through his spine, the space between his thighs, consuming him. Hands holding tight to Jared, and he can feel the paint on Jared’s skin, loops and whorls like fingerprints, the two of them merging, flattening, until they’re part of the murals, looking down at themselves, locked together in passion, captured in the motion of ecstasy.

“I waited so long to feel you like this,” Jared whispers in a heated rush, cock rubbing against Jensen’s belly, spurting thick and hot between the canvas of their skins. Those gorgeous eyes burn into him with impossible intensity. “God, Jensen, I--”

Jensen’s eyes snap open, and for a moment, he can still feel Jared all around him, smell the scent of his skin, feel the intense pleasure of coming in every nerve of his body. And then he feels the smoothness of sheets, eyes finding only white ceiling above him, his body framed by moonlight in the confines of his own bed.

Bed. He’s home, in his bed.

He sits up suddenly, realness of the dream still clinging to him.

What had Jared been about to say?

It’s a strange thought to be having, reality beginning to reassert itself, but in this moment he feels the loss of Jared like a living thing, disappointment threaded through him like gossamer strands, twisted and twined around every nerve, every thought.

What had Jared been about to tell him? He feels like he almost knows, the sense slipping further from him with every passing second, sand through his grasping fingers. He _had_ known, he’s certain of it; that it had been real and important and too imperative to forget. He wrestles with the fleeting sense for a few moments longer, and then hangs his head, sighing.

It’s gone. Now he’ll never know, because his stupid brain had woken him up before Jared could finish speaking or Jensen could finish his imaginary orgasm that had still felt pretty amazing despite being a dream version.

“Fuck,” he breathes out the word as he falls back against his pillow. 

Reality is getting a pretty good grip on him now, and he’s starting to realize some important waking world facts. First, that he’d been dreaming about fucking Jared. Second, that he’d been dreaming about fucking Jared in the Sistine Chapel of all places. Third, he’s glad he’s not exceptionally religious, or the guilt over fucking in the Sistine Chapel would probably be unbearable. As it is, he’s just ashamed. And sweating into his sheets. And so hard and turned on if he even touched himself he could probably come right now.

Fourth, he’s not even going to be able to look at Jared tomorrow. And fifth and possibly most importantly, if he touches himself and makes himself come while he’s still thinking about Jared, he’s going to have to quit his job and leave the country.

Actually, moving to another country might not be the worst idea right now, but Jensen feels utterly unprepared for the amount of money, time and effort it would take.

“Fuck,” he breathes again, and turns onto his side. 

_Just go to sleep._ But his dick isn’t interested in sleeping. His dick is very, very interested in his brain taking a second tour of the dream, and it takes a long time of distracting himself with other thoughts to convince it otherwise. 

When he wakes in the morning he feels a lot more steady, the dream further away if not forgotten. It’s definitely not forgotten, it’s still there in living, breathing technicolor, painted, if you will, across the canvas of his mind, but at least he’s got a little distance on it now. It’s not _all_ he can think about.

He suspects once he showers and gets on with his day that it’ll be even easier to push away.

*

He does feel better as he starts getting ready. He takes his usual care with his appearance, though he doesn’t style his hair quite as intensely as he has been. He knows he isn’t going to be impressing Jared, but it’s still nice to look nice, even smell nice, even if no one’s appreciating it. In this weird, pale gray world of endless days and nights, it’s good to have a bit of routine, to feel a kind of normal, attractive even. He’s wearing the pale green button up that Jason always said brought out his eyes, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, top button undone since he’s not going to the office.

He turns off the electric razor, running his fingers along his jaw to feel the slight stubble there, preferring the shadow of it to his bare, clean shaven skin. He takes one last look at his appearance, thinks he looks pretty damned good, and then proceeds to clean out the sink before going to pour his coffee.

He logs into the meeting five minutes early, opens his mouth to say ‘Good morning’, and finds himself completely speechless.

Jared looks amazing. He’s a little flushed, his color bright and vigorous, a sheen of sweat beading on his tanned skin, veins in his long throat standing out slightly. His shoulders are bulging at the seams of his dark blue v-necked t-shirt, and the tiniest trickle of sweat trails down the line of his pulse, pausing in the hollow at the base of his throat.

Jensen’s head feels like it explodes with a flashback to last night’s dream, image of Jared naked and riding him, sweat shimmering all over his gorgeous body.

Jensen cuts the thought short, banishing the vision from his mind. He can’t think about that, not even for a second, and if Jared had any idea...

It’s then Jensen realizes he’s been staring silently at Jared for the better part of thirty seconds.

Jared shakes his head slightly, hair falling back out of his eyes with the motion. “Sorry. I know I look a little…” He plucks at the v-neck of his shirt, letting it snap back to his skin, where it sticks fast against the wetness on his skin, molding against his chest muscles, and that view isn’t helping Jensen find his tongue _at all_.

“I went hard on my workout this morning,” Jared tells him with a small laugh. “Didn’t realize the time until it was almost past time for me to log in.”

Well that explains the way he looks. As well as anything can explain the way he looks--Jesus Christ how is this man so attractive?

“It’s uh.” Jensen pokes around his head for some words, finding a couple that seem significant enough to string into a simple sentence. “It’s fine.”

More than fine, if he’s honest.

“I miss going to the gym, but I have weights at home.” Jared shrugs his shoulders and Jensen thinks, well, of course he does. Jensen does too, but honestly, he’s been slacking on working out since he can’t go to the gym, weights at home or not. He should probably get on that.

“Yeah.” Jensen nods, swallowing hard as he tries to regain his mastery of the english language. “Me, too.” Jensen tilts his face at one shoulder in a semi-shrug. “I uh, haven’t been keeping up with it lately, though. Feel like I’m starting to get a little out of shape.” He pats at his belly ruefully, before he realizes it’s off camera and Jared can’t see.

“You look great,” Jared assures him, taking a moment to look Jensen over in detail. 

Jensen isn’t sure how to respond to that, or how to feel about Jared’s eyes moving over him even if he knows there’s nothing sexual about it.

“Yeah. You, too.” Jensen feels like a complete idiot, and words are still failing him and he really needs to get himself together. “You’re keeping up your routine, though.” He tilts his head and tries for playful. “Who are you trying to impress during quarantine anyway?”

Jared’s eyes track back to Jensen’s and he smiles, a big, wide, sunshine filled grin, his tongue caught between his strong white teeth. It’s insanely sexy and adorable all at once and Jensen isn’t sure how much of this he’s expected to withstand.

Still wearing that bright, playful smile, Jared just lifts his shoulders in a single shrug, brows rising.

Not trying to impress anyone in particular, Jensen guesses. Jared probably just likes working out, and it’s none of Jensen’s business anyway.

“Who are _you_ trying to impress?” Jared throws back at him, still wearing that playful look.

Jensen feels his cheeks heat up a little (thankfully he’s never been a real blusher), and self-consciousness hits him like a physical blow. He hadn’t thought Jared would notice. Maybe he did try a little too hard this morning.

“It’s just… you know.” Jensen runs a hand through his hair, trying for casual and feeling anything but. “Looking nice helps me feel like things aren’t so weird.” He takes a second, and then decides to go with his usual honest-but-deflective upbeat humor. “I smell great, too,” he tells Jared, as if conferring some great secret. He leans a little closer to the camera and smirks.

“I bet,” Jared says, almost thoughtfully. He’s still smiling, but it’s less playful, his eyes lingering on Jensen. For a moment, it seems like he might say something more, but then he seems to change his mind. His teeth tug at the corner of his lower lip and then release as he sits back from the camera a little. 

“I, on the other hand, do not smell great.” Jared chuckles and looks down at his sweaty chest.

Jensen could argue about why that’s patently untrue. He bets Jared smells amazing; musky and warm, salty and virile. He bets Jared smells like pheremones, like pure sex, and this train of thought is not helping him at all.

“Go take a shower,” Jensen says, before realizing he was going to say anything at all. “I mean,” he adds, hurriedly, “if you want.”

“You wouldn’t mind?” Jared asks, like he’s grateful.

“Not at all,” Jensen replies. “I’ll just… be here…” _trying not to imagine you naked in the shower_ “Working.”

“Great.” Jared flashed him a quick grin and pushes up from his chair. He leans back down, face closer to the camera as he says, “I won’t be long.”

Jensen nods, watching as Jared turns and walks away across the room. Jared’s almost to the door when he reaches down, crossing his arms and grabbing the hem of his t-shirt, stripping it up over his head in one smooth motion without missing a step.

Jensen bites down hard against his tongue at the sight of Jared’s exposed back, skin just as golden tan as it had been in his dream, muscles still pumped from his workout and standing out beneath the skin; broad shoulders and the dip of his spine between strong muscles running along each side, the upside down v’s of his shoulder blades and the perfectly cut shapes of the muscles above them, long, gorgeous torso, gray sweatpants riding low on his hips, barest curve of his perfect, pert ass visible above the line. He moves with a long-limbed, easy gait, the slightest hint of effortless grace to his motion, and Jensen can’t tear his eyes away.

Jared’s not massive, but he’s beautifully put together, with a definition to his muscles Jensen wishes he had. Completely gorgeous as he disappears through the doorway, and Jensen stares at the empty room for several long minutes, his brain buzzing with empty static, heart pounding a crazy rhythm in his chest. Finally, he gets a grip on his senses, puts his jaw back into place and tries to pull himself together.

He’s trying so hard not to be attracted to Jared and keep their relationship at a friendship level, but it’s really difficult when the universe keeps throwing things like _this_ at him.

He takes a deep breath and opens a code window, forcing himself to start working, and he absolutely does not think about Jared completely naked in the shower.

*

He’s deep into writing a statement when Jared returns, skin glowing and fresh from the shower, hair wet and curling against his neck, wearing a button up shirt this time, although Jensen isn’t sure why he bothered when the first two buttons are open, exposing as much of his throat and collar bones as the t-shirt had been. 

“Welcome back,” Jensen greets him.

“Thanks.”

And still, for as sexy as Jared is, nothing is more enticing than that guileless smile, more tempting than those expressive hazel eyes.

“You doing okay?” Jared asks, brows drawing together in a light frown.

Jensen feels slightly more steady now that he’s had some time and turned his focus to work. “Yeah. Just didn’t… sleep well last night.” Jensen waves a hand through the air dismissively.

“Me neither. I keep thinking it’s going to start showing, but…” Jared lifts his shoulders and then favors Jensen with a charming smile. “Good thing we’re both so handsome.”

Jared thinks he’s handsome? Jensen’s not stupid, he’s aware he’s attractive, if responses all throughout his life are anything to go by, but it’s… different hearing it from this guy he’s already overwhelmingly attracted to.

Before Jensen can say anything, Jared’s already moved on. “Oh. I saw something online last night I wanted to show you. It’s more the kind of thing you’d text someone but I don’t have your number, so…”

Jared types something in on his laptop and a second later a video appears in the Zoom meeting. 

It’s a baby cheetah, snuggled up against a scottish terrier puppy, their front paws entangled as the cheetah licks the dogs’ muzzle and forehead before nuzzling its face against the dogs. The dog turns its cheek, pink tongue licking out to return the affection, and then they both pause and look at the camera, neither of them having moved an inch apart.

It’s completely adorable, and Jensen feels his heart lighten a fraction.

“That might be cuter than the sleeping ferret,” Jared’s whole voice is a smile. “I had no idea baby cheetahs were that precious.”

“Possibly the cutest things in existence,” Jensen agrees, and then a thought strikes him. “How did you find this?”

“I may have spent some time looking up stuff about cheetahs last night after we logged off.” Jared says the words casually, but there’s an undercurrent, a suggestion that Jared spent more than a _little_ time looking at stuff about cheetahs. But then, it is quarantine and there’s time for everyone to get obsessive about things.

“More interesting than Netflix?” Jensen asks, and Jared laughs.

“It kept me entertained for a while.”

Jensen thinks for a moment, hesitating on the edge of something that feels like a big step. But that’s silly, isn’t it? It’s not a big deal. Hell, it’s probably way past due. After all, most people who are friends have each other’s phone numbers. He brushes the feeling of concern away, and says, “5715553224.”

Jared blinks. “Is that…?”

“My cell phone number.” Jensen nods, hoping he hasn’t made the wrong move. “So if you come across any other videos, you can just text them to me.”

Jared smiles at Jensen and Jensen’s worry evaporates. Jared reaches off camera, picking up his phone and typing in the numbers. A second later, Jensen’s phone dings and an unknown number appears on his screen, with a message reading, “Guess who?”

Jensen chuckles and picks up his phone, entering Jared’s name in the contact info.

Jared exhales in a long suffering sigh. “So I guess today we have to actually work.”

“Sadly.” Jensen nods agreement.

“Then we’d better get to it.”

They mute themselves, and it takes Jensen several minutes to regain his train of the thought and return to coding.

*

They chat a few times throughout the day, mostly keeping it short. Jensen’s alarm goes off at 6pm.

“You need to go?” Jared asks.

Jensen turns off the alarm, mildly surprised that Jared asked. “I’m done working for the day, but if you want to talk for a while…”

Jared grins. “I was thinking we could check in on the zoo animals.”

“Sounds like fun.” Jensen grins back.

They spend an hour looking at the zoo cameras, and then talk some more, video of the ferrets turning black after a while. By 7:30, Jensen’s stomach is rumbling with hunger he can no longer ignore.

“I need to go start dinner,” Jensen says, holding back a sigh of regret.

“What are you making?” Jared tilts his face, leaning his forehead closer to the camera, brows raised with curiosity.

“Cream cheese chicken.”  
  
“Never heard of it.”

“It’s uh, it’s comfort food. It’s chicken breasts wrapped in bacon, dipped in a cream cheese mixture.”

“You had me at bacon,” Jared says, the expression on his face almost lustful. “I want to start cooking, but I just never make the time.”

Jensen hesitates for a moment, thinking that over. What he’s about to say seems kind of weird, but then nothing about this entire situation _hasn’t_ been weird, so what the hell?

“I could show you how to make it.” Jensen makes the offer half-heartedly, uncertain if it’s the right thing to do or not. It’s what a friend would do, isn’t it?

Jared frowns, and Jensen’s heart plummets. A moment of confusion passes over Jared’s features, and then a split second later Jared breaks into a huge smile. “You mean like, watch you make it?”

“Yeah.” Jensen nods.

“That would be amazing,” Jared tells him, sincere. “Let me change, take Thor out and grab a beer and I’ll be right back.”

Jensen doesn’t change anything except his shirt, trading the button up for an old, plain white t-shirt that’s a little snug through the shoulders but still comfortable. He wears jeans when he’s on Zoom everyday anyway, so he leaves those on. 

He carries his laptop out to the kitchen and plugs it in, settling it into the corner of the counter beneath the cabinets, deep enough that Loki can’t accidentally knock it off. From that angle, it gives a straight shot across the counters where Jensen usually does all his prep, stove breaking the span of ceramic countertop in half before it ends at the fridge. He pulls everything he needs from the fridge and the cabinets, getting it set up. Finally, Jensen leans over and maximizes the Zoom window, eyeing his side of the video chat critically before he decides Jared’s got a good enough view to see everything he’s about to do.

He considers all the ingredients on the counter for a moment, and then pulls a wine glass from a cabinet, pours himself a glass of chardonnay. He’s out of beer, having drunk it all yesterday, and he’s glad he’d made an online grocery order last night. By tomorrow afternoon he should be restocked on food and have plenty of alcohol.

He’s unwrapping the block of cream cheese when Jared reappears on the screen.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Jared declares, chair squeaking a bit as he settles in. He’s wearing a broad smile and a gray tank top that shows off the expanse of his broad shoulders in great detail, beer in his left hand beginning to sweat.

Jensen gives him a smile and then pointedly focuses his attention on preparing the meal. He walks Jared through all the steps, Jared asking questions here and there, until after about half an hour and almost two glasses of wine, he covers the glass pan with aluminum foil and puts it in the oven. He sets a timer on the oven, and then on his phone, and puts the phone down next to his laptop.

For the next forty-five minutes they talk about various things, including Jared’s failed experiments with cooking, some of which are so epically bad that Jensen has tears coming out of the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard. When the oven timer goes off, Jensen’s surprised that so much time has passed. He dons his oven mitts, pulls the pan from the oven and peels off the aluminum foil before putting the pan back in the oven.

“Have to let it brown, now,” Jensen explains. “About 15 more minutes.”

Jensen pours himself a fourth glass of wine and wonders if he should slow down, but he feels good, warm, pleasantly buzzed with alcohol and good conversation, and he wants to keep going. 

Jared excuses himself to use the bathroom and get another beer, returning after about five minutes. Jared sits down and takes a deep drink from his fresh bottle, long throat arching beautifully as it works. Jared pulls the bottle from his lips and sighs in satisfaction, sitting it down on his desk and fixing Jensen with a direct look.

“So tell me something, Jensen. What’s a guy like you single for?”

Jensen frowns. “How do you mean?”

Jared makes a hand gesture in Jensen’s general direction. “I mean you cook, your house seems clean from what I’ve seen, you're funny, you’re smart, you’re good looking.” Jared looks him up and down for a moment before his eyes settle on Jensen’s again. “Why hasn’t someone come along and scooped you up yet?”

Jensen thinks that over, considering several different answers, none of them probably appropriate to say to Jared. “Not trying to be scooped,” Jensen finally says, honest. 

“You like being single?” Jared asks, pure curiosity, no judgment in his tone.

Jensen reaches down, grasping the kitchen towel between his fingers, tips rubbing the material back and forth. They’re treading dangerously close to a couple of subjects Jensen isn’t sure he wants to discuss. “Waiting for the right person, I guess.” That’s also true.

Jared seems to think about that for a moment, and then presses his lips together, looking down at his desk. “I get that.” He nods. There’s a hint of sadness in his expression that reminds Jensen of their conversation a couple days ago.

“What about you?” Jensen asks, planting his hands against the counter top. “I mean, I could say all the same things about you. Why hasn’t anyone scooped you up yet?” It’s a casual enough question, leaving Jared to answer with as much depth as he wants--not to mention he’d already turned the spotlight on Jensen.

“Similar situation,” Jared says, with a light shrug. The way he says it is hedging, like he’s leaving the door open to say more.

“Was it…” Jensen pauses, and then fueled by a few glasses of wine, pushes himself to ask. “Was it something to do with what happened in Italy?”

Jared’s eyes are wide as they fly up to meet his, surprise captured in the flicker of his lashes. 

Jensen suddenly realizes he shouldn’t have pressed the issue. If Jared had wanted to talk about it, he would have, and Jensen feels like a complete idiot. “You just…” Jensen attempts to explain, feeling stupid. “When you said you went with someone, you seemed sad about it. That’s all.”

“You’re perceptive, too,” Jared says with obvious admiration and a wry grin. Jared’s fingers toy at the neck of his beer bottle, eyes falling to where his fingertips play in condensation. “Do you really wanna know?”

He says it like there’s a real story to tell, and Jensen does want to know. They’ve avoided talking about anything too serious up until now, but he wants to know as much about Jared as Jared’s willing to tell.

“Of course.” Jensen lifts his hands from the counter and then crosses his arms across the ceramic tile, leaning his weight down on his elbows and bringing his face level with the laptop camera.

Jared shifts in his chair, pulling his fingers from the beer bottle as he looks away from Jensen.

“When I went to Italy…” Jared’s eyes are focused to the right of his camera, looking off into some middle distance. “I went with Sandy. She was…” A sad smile tugs at the corner of Jared’s mouth for a moment before it fades out completely. “We’d been together a few years, and I… I thought it was time.” He glances back at Jensen, seeming hesitant. “I planned the whole trip with the intention of proposing to her.”

Jensen pulls in a breath, strange ache around his heart for Jared, because clearly it hadn’t worked out. But also, there’s a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, because there’s part of him that doesn’t want to know this. Doesn’t want to know about Jared being with someone, loving someone enough to propose to them. It’s stupid and it’s selfish and he knows it, and he probably shouldn’t have had that third glass of wine because that’s at least part of the reason he’s feeling this way, he’s sure of it. 

He banishes the feeling and focuses on Jared, because Jensen’s feelings don’t matter right now. Jared is his friend, and he needs to be able to hear this, for Jared’s sake.

“Did you propose?” Jensen asks, gentle and quiet, keeping his tone neutral.

“Yeah.” Jared huffs out an almost bewildered laugh and shakes his head. “I did.” His eyes trail off, gazing into the distance again. “And for a few days, it was great. Like, amazing. We were in Italy, and we were in love, and we’d just gotten engaged. Everything seemed perfect.” 

Jared reaches up, hand brushing an errant lock of hair back from his eyes, tucking it behind one ear. Body cocked to the right, shoulders pressed tight against the back of his desk chair, he folds his arms across his chest. “We had a great few days. But I think…” Jared pauses, seeming to struggle to find the right words, and Jensen watches him in silence, waiting.

“I think we both knew, from the second I put the ring on her finger. She said yes, and we were excited and happy, but deep down, we already both knew it wasn’t going to work. Dating was fine, but once it got that serious? Once we crossed that line? It was like a switch flipped and someone had called us both on our bullshit.”

“It wasn’t… perfect?” Jensen asks.

Jared huffs out a bitter laugh. “Nothing’s perfect. But no. This was different. We didn’t want to marry each other. I think we thought we did. I think we thought it was what we were _supposed_ to do. Until it became a reality.”

Jensen’s never felt ready to marry someone, so he thinks he understands, in his own small way.

“We had a few great days,” Jared goes on. “And then we called it off. She brought up the conversation, I carried it, and in the end we both agreed.”

Jensen watches Jared shift in his chair, pulling his gaze back to meet Jensen’s, mouth attempting a wan smile. “That’s probably more than you wanted to know, huh?”

It’s both more than Jensen had wanted to know and exactly what he’d wanted to know, and he wonders when this dichotomy inside him is going to end. He’s well aware he lives a lot of his life in cognitive dissonance. But that’s supposed to stop, at some point. Isn’t it?

“What happened after that?” Jensen asks, voice rough, unable to help himself.

“She went home. And I stayed there.” Jared lifts his shoulders in a shrug. “The next day I went to see the Sistine Chapel. And it was…” Jared hesitates and lifts his shoulders. “It was a revelation.”

“Transcendent,” Jensen says, quietly, after a moment.

“Transcendent,” Jared agrees, eyes finally rising to meet Jensen’s, and the raw, open honesty he sees there lays him bare; leaves him speechless. There’s so _much_ in Jared’s eyes. Love and loss, joy and sadness, and above and beyond all that, more than anything, Jensen sees hope.

It’s too much. Jensen has to look away, down at his keyboard, remind himself that Jared has been talking about Sandy, that this about Jared’s personal emotional journey. None of this has anything to do with him.

Jensen clears his throat, searching for something to say.

“Have you thought about dating anyone since then?” He forces himself to look up. 

Jared places his elbows on his desk, lacing the fingers of his hands together as he leans closer to the camera with a nod. “Yeah. I mean. Not for a long time.” Those hazel eyes lock on Jensen’s as he says, “But lately… I think about it a lot.”

Jensen blinks a couple of times, trying to pull himself from the depths of Jared’s gaze. “Because of quarantine?” he guesses.

Jared looks down, and then sighs. “Yeah.” He nods, eyes sliding back up to look at Jensen. He pulls his hands apart, backs lying against the wood, palms turned upward, fingers splaying open. “I guess.”

Jensen tilts his head to the side, not understanding. 

Jared takes a moment, biting down against his lower lip and then exhales in a rush, shaking his head. “Jensen, I--”

Jensen’s phone alarm blares to life, shattering the moment and possibly one of his ear drums, fingers reaching to hit the button, fumbling. He has to actually stop, look away from the screen and hit it a few times before he strikes the right spot and it falls silent. He pushes it further away from himself and refocuses on Jared. “You, what?” he asks.

Jared’s mouth opens, moving for a moment before he gives a half shake of his head, lips closing. The corner of his mouth pulls in a smile that has little to do with being amused. “Nothing. You need to get your food before it burns.”

Jensen hesitates, that same sense from his dream last night hitting him like deja vu; whatever Jared had been about to say was important, maybe vital. But like the dream, the moment is gone. Jensen’s about to reach for it, to pull the conversation back, when the doorbell rings from Jared’s side of the conversation, faint and far away.

“That’ll be _my_ food,” Jared says.

“You wanna eat together?” Jensen still feels reluctant to end the conversation, although it’s getting late and he feels a little ridiculous trying to hang on.

“Raincheck.” Jared gives Jensen a regretful smile. “I have to feed Thor and let him out, too. I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?”

“Of course. Looking forward to it,” Jensen adds before he knows he means to say it.

He’s instantly sorry for saying it, but Jared’s smile just grows even wider, regret fading from his features. “Me, too.”

They look at each other for a moment in silence and then the doorbell rings again in the distance.

“Night, Jensen. Try and sleep well tonight, okay?”

“I’ll try.” Jensen smiles. “You, too.”

“We’ll see.”

“Night Jared.”

Jared closes the meeting this time, still smiling as he vanishes. Jensen stares at the screen for a few long seconds after it goes blank, still feeling like he missed something vital. He sighs and tips up his wine glass, draining it, and then gets his food out of the oven.

He’s not feeling very hungry, wine having filled him up, but he makes himself a plate anyway once the food has sufficiently cooled. When he takes his first bite, he discovers he’s ravenous, and begins to eat in earnest.

He’s halfway through his dinner when his phone dings with a message. He drops his fork on the plate, reaching for his phone so fast it nearly slips through his fingers, and then he steadies it, swiping his thumb across the screen.

It’s a message from Chad.

_You alive or corona?_

It’s so Chad that he has to laugh, despite the lingering feeling of disappointment in his chest.

He replies to Chad, then stares at the names on his text screen, Jared’s name listed right below Chad’s. His thumb hovers over it, indecisive, and then he tosses his phone down. Regardless of whatever Jared had been about to say tonight, Jared’s told Jensen quite a bit about himself at this point, and Jensen is starting to feel guilty about not returning the favor.

He picks up his fork, turning the handle back and forth, contemplative. He’s had a few glasses of wine (okay, practically the whole bottle), and he knows he shouldn’t be making decisions right now. But he owes Jared the truth, doesn’t he? He’s pretty sure Jared’s not the kind of guy who’ll feel weird about Jensen being gay. Maybe they won’t be as close as they have been--which is an idea that causes Jensen real, physical pain--but they’d still be friends, he’s confident about that.

_Finish your dinner and sober up, Jensen._

It seems like sound advice. He scoops a forkful of rice onto the tines, and decides to see how he feels tomorrow.


	5. Quarantine Day 10

FRIDAY

Jensen wakes, feeling groggy, to the sound of someone knocking on his door. He blinks in confusion for a moment, sitting up and trying to get his bearings, half-remembered dream about something bizarre already fading from him. The bed sheets are twisted in a knot around his legs, and he almost falls trying to hurry out of bed, grabbing the nightstand with one hand to steady himself.

He untangles himself as quick as he can and gets up, remembering he’s naked (he always sleeps naked), and walks to the closet door, grabbing the robe hanging on the hook next to it. He throws it on and hurries down the hall to the living room, confused, slight sense of trepidation filling him as he remembers he’s living in the middle of a pandemic and he doesn’t exactly want to interact with whoever might be knocking on his door. And who the hell could it be, anyway? It’s not like he has tons of close friends, and the ones he does have have been staying their asses home like he has.

So who could it be? Is it possible it’s… no, that’s stupid. 

Could it be? Could Jared have gotten his address somehow?

No. Stupid. Even if Jared had gotten his address somehow, why would he drive two hours to knock on Jensen’s front door? There’d be no reason for it, especially not during quarantine. Unless… maybe… No. 

But then who else could it be?

His heart kicks up its pace, seeming to leap into his throat, sudden rush of excitement through his nerves mixing with the trepidation in the pit of his stomach, and it’s a very strange, disconcerting combination of emotions to be having.

He cinches the robe around his waist, tying it in a quick half-knot, and peers out the living room window at his front stoop.

There’s no one there. 

He’s immediately disappointed, and then mystified. It hadn’t taken him more than two minutes to almost get to the door.

Outside on the street, the sound of an engine roars to life, pulling his eyes from the front porch.

It’s a delivery truck. He lets the curtain drop back into place as he stands straight and rubs a hand over his face, thumb and forefinger pressing against his eyes for a moment. His groceries are here. That’s all. 

He makes sure his robe is secure and opens the front door, beginning to bring the brown bags inside. His alarm won’t go off for another twenty minutes, so he has plenty of time to wipe everything down and put it all away, leaving the dry ice packets in the sink to melt. Loki watches all of this with curious golden eyes, giving one of the empty brown paper bags a lengthy inspection before claiming it as his own.

That done, Jensen goes to turn off his alarm and take a shower. He waits for the water to heat up, standing in the bathroom and shaking his head at himself. God, for a crazy minute, he’d actually thought maybe Jared was at his front door. He really _had_ been mostly still asleep. 

The thought of Jared jogs his memory of last night, and his idea that maybe he should start telling Jared some things about himself. He’d decided to decide in the morning, and here he is, still undecided.

_You kind of owe it to him._

And yeah, he really kind of does. If for no other reason (and there are lots of other reasons), there’s at least that. He owes it to Jared to share some things about himself.

The real question, he thinks as he climbs into the shower, is HOW.

*

He’s still pondering the answer to that question when he logs into the Zoom meeting.

Jared greets him with a bright smile, and he looks amazing, as usual. He’s wearing a brown button up with short sleeves, top two buttons undone, and the color brings out the hazel in his eyes, making them seem a shade darker than usual. It is, of course, a size too small for Jared’s shoulders and biceps, and Jensen is immensely gratified.

“You sleep okay?” Jared asks with genuine concern, and Jensen feels some of the tension leave his muscles.

“Not really?” Jensen offers. “I finished Glow last night. Then I got woken up half an hour early by the delivery guy. But now I have more beer,” he adds and grins, trying for a positive note.

“And that’s what’s important,” Jared agrees with short laugh, and fuck it really isn’t fair that he’s so handsome.

“How about you?” Jensen asks.

“Ah, you know.” Jared shrugs. “I tried. I really did. I should get a gold star for the effort.”

“Didn’t work out, huh?” Jensen is sympathetic.

“Not so much.”

“Well.” Jensen considers. “It _is_ the apocalypse.”

Jared gives another short laugh. “Yeah. Funny, I always thought the apocalypse would be more exciting. You know, zombies, Mad Max, that kind of stuff. As apocalypses go, this is pretty dull.”

Jensen thinks about that for a moment. “It’s like the apocalypse on ‘easy mode’.”

“Exactly.” Jared agrees, seeming to reflect for a moment before he says, “And we’re still failing at it.” 

Jensen grimaces, thinking about his recent late-night ventures on the internet. They definitely don’t help with his sleep. “I try to stay off social media as much as possible, but from what I’ve seen, yeah, it doesn’t look great out there.”

“Yeah. It definitely isn’t. Facebook and Twitter are like war zones, but I try and take a peek at the news every day.” Jared shakes his head. “Anyway.” He glances down at his keyboard, then back up at Jensen. “It could be worse. At least I’ve got good company during the day.” The smile he gives Jensen is hesitant at first, and then grows fully into brilliance.

Jensen smiles back, taking a moment to bask in Jared’s glow. He wants to do something to keep that expression on Jared’s face, wants to do something to make them both feel good today.

“What’s the weather like where you are?” Jensen asks.

Jared blinks, nose scrunching as his brows draw down and together, surprised and confused. “I don’t know. It was kinda overcast earlier…” he spins in his chair, aiming left and looks fully off camera. “Looks all right out there now.” He spins back to face Jensen. “Why?”

“I noticed it was pretty nice out this morning. I was thinking maybe we could work outside today. At least until our battery levels started getting low.” Jensen gives Jared a smile of his own at full volume.

Jared’s answering grin warms his heart. “Let’s do it.”

Jensen drains his coffee mug and picks up his laptop, holding it open as he maneuvers his way to the kitchen. He sets it down long enough to grab a water bottle, dropping it in a plastic bag that he drapes from one forearm, and then picks the laptop back up. He stops again at the front door, supporting the laptop with one hand as he reaches out for the knob, and then hesitates.

“This feels weird,” he mutters.

“What?” Jared’s voice issues from somewhere around his waist. 

Jensen tilts the laptop up to look at Jared on his screen, and sees Jared’s face is tilted at a crazy angle as well, looking up at him as if from a great distance.

“I… going outside. It feels weird. Wrong. Kinda scary,” Jensen admits. “Like something I’m not supposed to do. I mean we don’t know how this thing is transmitted, and if it’s airborne like they think… I mean what if there are people walking around out there?”

The camera zig zags wildly back and forth before it focuses on Jared’s face again. “You were the one who suggested it.”

“It seemed like a great idea until I got to the door.” Jensen is not without amusement for his own idiocy.

“You have a yard, right? Anybody walking by will be at least six feet away?”

“More than that,” Jensen replies after thinking about the position of his little picnic table.

“Then you should be fine.

Jensen nods. He really wants to go outside, and the risk is probably minimal. Still, the second he steps out into the open air, he feels exposed, vulnerable, unprotected. The sense that he’s doing something very unsafe is strong, and he has to fight it the whole ten steps to the picnic table on the side of the house.

Once he sits down and situates his laptop, he feels a little better. The sky above is pale blue with light wisps of clouds stippling its expanse, and the sun is bright and clear, gentle breeze ghosting over his skin and ruffling his hair. It’s a gorgeous day, one of those all too fleeting spring days where the temperature is in the low seventies.

“You good?” Jared asks, and Jensen finds himself smiling, nodding before he even meets Jared’s gaze.

There are tree branches in the background and above Jared, cutting the sunlight into slices across his skin, their smooth, pale bark just beginning to bloom with leaves. The wind rustles through them gently, blowing the hair back from Jared's face and letting the sun play across his features.

He’s gorgeous, golden skin dappled with sunlight, the strange, beautiful color of his eyes filled with light and glittering with happiness. He looks more real and alive, painted in that light, than he ever has by lamplight, incandescent pale by comparison. 

“How are you feeling?” Jensen asks, and he feels lighter, freer than he has in a while.

“A little more human,” Jared says, decisive, after a moment. “A little more corporeal, you know? Like I’m getting affirmation that I actually exist?” He pauses, frowning before he gives Jensen an odd smile. “That sounds weird, I know.”

“Not at all,” Jensen replies. “I feel it, too.”

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Jared asks. “How something like the sun on your skin can remind you you’re alive?”

Jensen nods in complete agreement, taking a moment to just enjoy the feeling of being outside, in the world.

“I didn’t go out much before, but now I miss it.” Jared’s tone is both perplexed and amused. “It’s weird, because I’ve never been a big fan of the sun. I’ve always been more of a night person. But with all this, I feel like I miss it. Which is silly because I never went out in it unless I was going somewhere specific.”

“Exactly,” Jensen says, excitement rising inside him, because Jared just put into words something he hadn’t been able to. “I never cared much about the sun before, but now I feel like I miss it, only seeing it from inside the house.”

Jared nods, thoughtful, sunlight playing over the lines of his face. “It’s funny how we expect certain things will always be there. That we’ll always be able to go out in the sun, go to a party, hell, even go shopping. We’re just so used to it, and there’s no reason it would ever occur to us that it might stop. No reason why it _would_ stop. Everything’s so available I don’t even go out and experience it most of the time. Because, you know, it’s always gonna be there. I’ll get to it eventually. Except now I can’t.”

“Yes.” Jensen nods, emphatically. “I never did much before, but now that I can’t, it’s like, I want to go do everything. Things I never cared about before.” 

Jared huffs out a rough laugh. “We miss the things we never had when we can’t have them anymore.”

Jensen takes a moment to appreciate the truth of that. “It’s true.” He hedges, considering his words before he speaks, and he almost doesn’t continue, but it’s Jared, and he’s pretty sure if he can be honest with anyone, it’s Jared. “It’s also kind of stupid, isn’t it?” he asks, turning the words inward on himself. “I mean, shouldn't I be appreciating life without something trying to take it from me?”

Jared regards him seriously. “Some things, maybe. But… did you used to commute to work?”

Jensen nods.

“You’re in DC. Worst traffic in the country. Do you miss your commute?”

Jensen thinks about that for a minute. “Actually? Kind of. I mean it sucked, but it’s one of those things you accept, living here.”

“But you don’t miss the traffic.”

“No.” Jensen reflects on that. “Maybe I just miss having something to do.”

“But you do have something to do. You’re still working. We talk every day.”

Jensen doesn’t have a reply for that. 

“So maybe you miss the feeling of movement towards something.” Jared unlaces his fingers, palms turning upward against his glass patio table. “Maybe you miss having a destination.”

Jensen still doesn’t have a reply for that. It feels close to home, but it’s still not exactly right.

“Or maybe you just miss being connected,” Jared offers. “Hell. I know I do.”

“But I am connected,” Jensen says with a small smile. “I have work, I have friends that I text, I have social media, if I want, which I generally don’t. I have you.” The words hang there between them for a moment in silence, and he feels a need to backpedal on them a bit, adding, “Who I see and talk to every day.”

“Yeah.” Jared nods in slow agreement. “But…” he shakes his head slightly, his eyes never leaving Jensen’s. “Is any of that the same as actually _being_ there?”

Jensen wants to say that it is--against all reason he wants to say yes, because he wishes that were true--but it isn’t, and they both know it. 

“No. It’s not.”

“And that’s the bitch of it.” Jared sighs.

“That’s the bitch.” Jensen nods his head, slow. And that’s it, that’s exactly it, but he’s thinking about if he could be within living, breathing, touching distance of Jared, and what that would mean to him, surprised by how badly he wants it. It’s too close to home, and it’s way past time to change the subject.

Jensen clears his throat and tries to do just that. “Of course, there are a lot of people out there who were going out and living life and can’t do it anymore. That’s got to be even harder.”

“You know what I think?” Jared asks, fingers lacing together across his desk as he leans closer to Jensen, the glint in his eyes making it clear that he has zero intentions of letting Jensen change the subject. “I think we should both decide to live our lives a lot more fully after this is over.”

Jensen tilts his head at Jared, a million thoughts running through his mind, hundreds of words rising and falling from the tip of his tongue, unspoken. 

Jared shifts his shoulders back and forth and hunkers down closer against the patio table. “If you could do anything--I mean anything, after this quarantine is over, what would it be?”

And Jensen… well, Jensen’s never been much for dreaming big. He does something he enjoys for a living, he lives fairly comfortably, he has a few friends, he goes out, he travels occasionally. He supposes he wants the same things most people want; to find someone to fall in love with, maybe adopt a kid or two, but above and beyond all, he just wants to be happy, whatever that entails.

Still, he has an answer; one that springs immediately to his tongue, no forethought given, pure instinct.

“I’d come visit you.”

Jared draws back from the camera, jaw jutting at an angle, smile hanging sideways as he seems to take that in. “Really? Whole world wide open, anything is possible, and you’d come visit me?”

Jensen really hadn’t thought that through. Could he have been more obvious? 

“I’m a simple man,” Jensen lies and shrugs, trying for nonchalant as he dials everything back about ten notches. “A couple beers with a good friend is my idea of a good time.”

Jared seems to think that over, lips folding together then unfurling in a smile as he nods. “Then we’ll have to plan for that. Once all this is over.”

What would that be like? Jensen wonders. It seems so distant, so impossible, that he can only think of it in abstract terms. He knows he’s not prepared for it, not really. And there are things he’d have to tell Jared, first.

Things he’s planning on telling Jared today. Well, one thing, anyway.

Not yet, though.

Being outside, feeling light and a gentle breeze against him, makes Jensen want to ditch on work; he’d be perfectly happy just talking to Jared all day, looking at that gorgeous face in the sunlight, enjoying the day. But he can’t think what else to say, can’t fathom where they’d go or what would happen if they actually met, or how he’d be able to deal with that on even the smallest level. And then there’s the not so small matter that they need to get some work done. 

He pulls back from the camera, hands falling to the sides of his laptop as he glances down at the time. “In the meantime, we should probably work.”

Jared looks down at the corner of his laptop screen, teeth worrying at his lower lip for a moment before he drops his head in a nod. “Yeah. We probably should.”

Jensen wants to say something more, but there’s nothing to say that wouldn’t lead to hours more of conversation.

They work mostly in silence, Jensen glancing up more often than he usually does, taking in the sharp angle of Jared’s jaw, the point of his chin, the way his eyes squint when he concentrates, and Jensen steals more than he ever has, because he knows this might be the last time he gets to look so easily, so casually.

Jensen hadn’t thought about bringing his phone outside, and it’s beginning to grow dark before he realizes the time, lunch having been eaten hours ago, stomach rumbling with hunger. Shadows are falling in wide stripes across Jared’s face, leaving most of his features in darkness, and the crickets are beginning to sing cautious songs into the coming night.

“Hey,” Jensen says, microphone turned on. “It’s getting late and my battery is really low, I’m gonna take my laptop back inside.”

“Yeah, good plan. I’ll meet you back inside.”

“Okay.” Even in the coming darkness, Jared is beautiful, eyes hooded, lost in shadow that clings to the curves of his angular, handsome face. 

It takes Jensen a couple of minutes to get set back up at his desk, and when he slides back into his chair, Jared is there already.

“I’ve just got a couple more lines to work on and then I’m done for the day.” Jared pauses, eyes flickering over Jensen’s then away. “Then I guess we won’t meet up again until Monday.”

Jensen frowns, unsure what Jared means. Monday? What day is it? Jared is the only person he’s talked to or seen in… Jensen frowns, trying to remember. The days all seem to blend together in one big, blurry gray mess. He’s talked to Jeff a couple times since this whole thing started but he hasn’t even seen Jeff since...

“Holy shit.” Jensen blinks, startled. “Is it Friday?”

Jared nods, seeming certain. “Yes.”

“It’s only been five days? It feels like it’s been seven years since Monday.” Jensen pauses, thinking for a second. “The again, how the fuck is it already Friday?”

Jared laughs, half in amusement and half in what sounds like sympathy. “I know, right?”

Damn. The news hits Jensen with sudden realization. It’s been so hard keeping track of days in the first place, it hadn’t even occurred to Jensen that Saturday and Sunday mean no work, and therefore, no Jared. Two days with very little outside contact would feel like eternity anyway. Two days without seeing Jared… Jensen isn’t sure how he’s going to manage it. He wants to suggest that they meet up anyway. They’re friends at the very least, they both live alone and they’re both probably lonely. It wouldn’t be so weird to suggest meeting up while they’re off, would it?

But before they can do any of that, Jensen needs to tell Jared the truth.

Jensen draws a deep breath. “Jared.”

“What?” Jared asks, eyes locking on Jensen’s, and Jensen can feel them like fire across the digital miles between them.

Jensen’s upper teeth catch against his lower lip, letting it unroll slowly. “I was... I was thinking about what we talked about earlier.”

Jared seems to think for a moment. “About meeting up?” Jared asks.

Jensen bites at his lower lip and exhales a slow breath. “Well, yeah, that too. But I was more thinking about… You’ve told me a lot about you. There are things I haven’t told you about me.”

Jared frowns lightly. “I only want you to tell me what you’re comfortable telling me.”

That’s kind, and sweet. Why does he have to be so sweet?

Jensen swallows hard, taking a moment before he responds. “It’s really not a big deal, but it seems like a big deal now because I didn’t tell you before.”

“Okay.” Jared seems completely open, but Jensen is still scared.

 _Just say it._ Jensen looks away from Jared, focusing on the wall behind the laptop. “I’m gay.”

The silence from Jared’s side of the meeting is deafening, stretching so long that Jensen’s wondering if he should just close his laptop and nope out of the whole thing.

“Jensen.” Jared’s voice sounds strange. “Look at me.”

Jensen swallows hard and looks back at Jared, willing himself to act normal. “So we’re cool, right?” Jensen asks, trying to pretend like it’s not a big deal.

Jared’s expression is flat, his eyes dark with scrutiny. “Are you screwing with me?”

“Why would I lie about something like that?” Jensen asks, perplexed. “No. My last relationship was with a guy named Jason. We lived together here for almost a year. We split up and he moved out about six months ago.”

A strange emotion flits across Jared’s face, and he looks suddenly uncertain, but at least he looks human again instead of flat and suspicious. Still, Jensen’s never seen Jared hesitate like this before, like he’s choosing his words very carefully, or maybe so lost in thought he’s having trouble finding them. 

When Jared finally speaks, it’s very slowly. “I thought I’d seen signals, but…”

“But what?” Jensen’s tone is a bit sharper than he means it to be, barest thread of defensiveness rising up in him. He’d thought he’d tell Jared, they’d have a word or two about it, then shrug and move on. The important thing is that Jared knows he’s not going to push for anything. “I know you’re straight.”

Jared blinks several times in rapid succession, and then tilts his head practically sideways at Jensen. “Jensen, I’m not straight.”

Wait. What?

Jensen sputters--literally sputters for a long few seconds--before he can find his tongue. “You told me about Sandy.”

“Yeah.” Jared straightens his head and nods. “But there’s such a thing as bisexual, you know.”

Oh. Oh? _Oh_. Oh GOD.

“So you’re…”

“Yep.” Jared nods.

God. This is worse. This is _so much_ worse. 

“Gotta say, I wasn’t expecting the look of blind panic I’m seeing on your face right now.” Jared’s smile is bemused.

Jensen searches for words, certain he’s giving Jared the complete wrong impression right now. He’s doing this all wrong and he really needs to stop, but, damn, he hadn’t been _prepared_ for this. Jared caught him completely off guard and--

_And maybe it would be better if you stopped being so scared and said some of this out loud?_

Well. It’s a theory.

“Sorry,” Jensen apologizes, trying to figure out where to start. “It’s just… I didn’t expect... I thought you were straight so I’m a little… caught off guard.”

“Mmmhmm,” Jared hums, regarding Jensen with a curious look. “Why does it matter that I’m not straight?”

“Because when I thought you were straight I didn’t think I had a chance with you.” Jensen blurts the words out without thinking them through, only wanting to make things right between them. He feels even worse once they leave him, but at least they’re true. “And I gotta tell you,” he adds, with a nervous chuckle at himself, “that took a lot of the pressure off.”

“Oh,” Jared says after a moment, his voice soft. He straightens his shoulders and adjusts his posture so he’s sitting back from the camera a little. He looks Jensen dead in the eyes, the weight of his gaze holding Jensen in place, almost mesmerized. “So you mean… All week, while I’ve been practically hitting you over the head with how much I like you, you were really just sitting there thinking you didn’t have a chance with me at all?’’

Jensen feels slow, stupid and dazed, and a lot like a cartoon character who has been hit over the head with something large and heavy, as matter of fact. “You were hitting me over the head with how much you liked me?” Jensen asks, dumbfounded. 

“Jensen.” Jared’s smiling now, his expression fond and a touch indulgent. “I took you on a date to the zoo. I mean, okay,” he raises a hand as if to allow for the possibility of what he says next, which is, “it could have been passed off as two friends having fun maybe, but just barely. I came up with the most obvious, flimsy ass excuse to get your phone number--so I could send you videos of _baby cheetahs_ . Which I spent hours looking up because _you_ like them.”

Jared’s eyes are twinkling with warmth and mirth, and Jensen is gobsmacked. All of this feels like too much for Jensen’s brain and he has no idea how he’s supposed to respond, but that’s okay, because Jared isn’t done yet.

“You think I usually show up to work meetings still sweating from my workout on a regular basis? Or casually strip my shirt off before I’m out of camera range?” Jared arches a brow at Jensen, his lips curving in a smirk.

“You did that on purpose?” Jensen demands in disbelief. And then, because he’s still catching up, “That was a _date_?”

“You’re gorgeous,” Jared says, eyeing him appreciatively. “A little slow on the uptake though,” he adds with a good-natured chuckle.

“I thought you were _straight_ ,” Jensen says, indignant as he defends himself. Wait. Jared thinks he’s gorgeous?

“And finding out you’re gay?” Jared asks, eyes still locked on Jensen’s. “And that you’re interested in me, too? Is like winning the lottery.” Jared pauses, his eyes trailing down to Jensen’s lips for a moment before looking him in the eye again. The sweetness and heat Jensen sees there makes him feel weak in the knees.

“You are…” Jared asks, his voice husky, almost breathy, “interested in me?”

“God yes.” Jensen couldn’t be more serious. He feels like his world just got turned upside down--even more upside down than it’s already been with quarantine--but he’s entirely certain about his answer. “If you had any idea how crazy I’ve been over you…” He’s getting his bearings now, words coming to him on at least a trial basis. “I feel like I’ve known you forever. I mean I know it’s only been…” 

Jensen thinks about that a little more deeply, sobering. “Wow. It’s only been five days.” He shifts in his chair and considers what five days actually means. “It seems kind of soon to…” It was too soon the first day, if he’s honest, and that’s not helping.

He takes a breath and tries to center. To be rational, be normal. “I just mean, we’re the only people we’ve seen in five days that feel like seven years. We’re both lonely, we’re both isolated. I mean… the way we’ve connected so fast… could it be like…” Damn. What’s it called? “Stockholm syndrome?”

Jared’s chuckle is bewildered, but gentle. “Considering I’m not holding you captive, I don’t think so.”

Yeah, okay, that doesn’t sound right. But there is something... “Like a desert island scenario then? The last two people on earth? I mean how do we know?” It seems important that they should know. But how can they?

The look Jared gives him is self-assured and confident, smirk lingering on his lips. “Jensen. I’d be interested in you if you were dead.”

There’s a moment of silence between them, and then Jared bursts out laughing, the sound natural and infectious. “Okay.” He holds up his hands. “That came out sounding grosser than it did in my head. But you know what I mean.”

Jensen does. And he’s pretty sure he feels the same way. Well, not the literally dead part, but the sentiment behind it. But it’s only been five days that feels like seven years. Hell, he can barely remember what life was like two weeks ago.

Does it matter? He’s been crazy about this guy from the second he’d laid eyes on him, and nothing about that is going to change. It’s just the situation they’re in is so strange, and Jensen feels at a loss. Normally, when he’s interested in someone, this is the part where they’d kiss, or something. And they can’t do that.

“I’m still trying to get my head around the fact that you’re interested in me. I spent this whole week driving myself crazy about it, so sure you couldn’t possibly like me.”

“Jensen, I felt the exact same way. Trust me. I understand.”

Jensen stares into Jared’s eyes, sees the same want, the same heat he’s feeling reflected back at him. “God, I wish I could kiss you right now.”

Jared bites at his lower lip, his eyes never wavering from Jensen’s. “Yeah, me too.”

“What do we do about this?” Jensen asks, voice gritty with regret and desire. “Being this far apart, being in quarantine. How do we…?” Jensen trails off, uncertain what to call whatever they might be doing. 

“Date?” Jared asks.

Dating? Is that what they’re doing? Dating, Jensen thinks, and feels himself relax into the idea. “Yeah. How do we date?”

Jared smiles. “We can watch movies together, play games, go on more virtual tours. There’s all kinds of things we can do. And we’ve got a whole weekend completely free.”

“That’s true.” Jensen thinks all of that over, but the giddy feeling in his stomach is kind of getting in the way of rational thought now. “Wow.” He shakes his head, feeling a silly grin settle in on his lips. “I still can’t believe you like me.”

Jared’s grinning back at him the same way, wide and bright and like he can’t quite believe his luck. “I like you a _lot_ , Jensen. And every day? I like you even more.”

“Me, too.” Jensen breathes out the words like a release.

They’re still just looking at each other, Jensen basking in the feeling that Jared likes him, and enjoying that now he can look at Jared as much as he wants. He isn’t sure how this works, or what to do next, but Jared had some good ideas.

“What do you want to do tonight?” Jensen asks.

Jared leans forward, looking eager and like he has some definite ideas--

As if on cue, Jensen’s phone rings.

The sound startles him so badly that he jumps. He reaches for his phone with clumsy hands, finally grabbing it with both and pulling the screen into view.

It’s Chad. Why the hell is Chad calling him _now_? Normally, at a moment like this, Jensen would ignore the call. But it’s quarantine and Chad hasn’t actually called him in ages, so it must be important.

“Hang on a second,” he tells Jared, regretful.

“Hey,” he answers the phone, turning slightly away from the laptop screen.

“Where the fuck are you, Jen?” Chad’s voice explodes from the phone and Jensen has to pull it away from his ear a little, wincing.

“I’m… at home?” Jensen answers, mystified.

“The Zoom meeting started at eight, asshole. You coming or what?”

Oh. Shit. It’s Friday. The meeting with Danneel and Chad at 8pm. He’d totally forgotten.

“I”ve got something going on right now, Chad. Can we reschedule?”

“What the fuck can you possibly have going on on a Friday night at home that’s keeping you from joining this meeting?” Chad sounds like he’d started drinking early, his words slurred and more emphatic than usual. “And Danny’s worried about you. I told her you forgot, but she won’t shut up about it.” The volume of Chad’s voice recedes a little as he says, “See? He’s fine. I told you he’s fine.”

“Jensen.” Jared’s voice is soft, calling his attention back to the laptop. It’s obvious from the amused look on Jared’s face that he’d heard every word Chad has said. “Go see your friends.”

“Jared, no, I--”

“Who the fuck is Jared?” Chad demands. 

“It’s a long story, Chad.”

“Then tell me about it when you get your ass to this meeting. No excuses. Watch your kinky porn or whatever the fuck you’re doing later.”

Jensen is vaguely mortified, but he rolls his eyes and gives Jared an apologetic look.

Jared, for his part, has one hand over his mouth, shoulders shaking with silent laughter. He pulls his hand away and composes himself, saying, “It’s okay, Jensen. I’ll text you later and we’ll talk tomorrow.”

“But--” Jensen starts to protest.

Chad cuts him off. “No ‘buts’, Jen. Get your ass here or we’re never speaking to you again.”

“That’s a little dramatic--”

The line goes dead and Jensen sighs, setting his phone on the desk before he turns to look at Jared full on. “I’m sorry. I forgot, they’ve had this Zoom meeting planned since… I don’t even know, honestly. At least a few days. I think. It’s been a while.”

“It’s fine, Jensen. It’s not like I’m never gonna see you again.”

Jensen sighs again, louder and longer and feeling defeated. “I just don’t want you to go. I mean we just…”

“I know.” Jared seems just as disappointed as Jensen feels. “But your friends are important, too. We’ll do a Zoom, tomorrow, okay? I’ll send you an email for the meeting time. Plus, I’ll be texting you.”

Jensen weighs all of that for a few long seconds and then finally nods, accepting his fate. “Okay.”

“Good night, Jensen. I’ll be thinking about you.”

“I’ll be thinking about you, too.” He wants to say he’s going to miss Jared, because that’s closer to the truth, but it seems a little soon to say something like that, so Jensen settles for half the truth.

“Good night, Jared.”

“Have fun,” Jared says. Jared flashes him one of his brilliant smiles, and then, he brings his hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to the first two fingers before extending them outward towards Jensen. 

Jensen’s still staring at the screen, gobsmacked and with a completely stupid smile plastered on his face when it goes dark. He’d been so blown away by the cute gesture of Jared sending him a kiss that he hadn’t even responded before Jared had logged off.

Wow. He is in _so_ deep over this guy.

He’d probably spend the next twenty minutes staring off into space, completely moon-eyed if his phone didn’t ping with a text message from Chad. Reluctantly, he pulls himself from the happy haze of Jared thoughts and opens his next Zoom meeting.

“There you fuckin’ are,” Chad greets him, and he looks as drunk as Jensen had imagined him, pint of some kind of liquor grasped in his right hand.

“Jesus, Jensen, don’t worry us like that,” Danneel chides him. Danneel looks great, long red hair pulled back in a ponytail, skin glowing and just the slightest bit of make-up applied. She’s got a wine glass in her hand, and she’s clearly pacing herself a lot better than Chad has been.

Jensen looks back and forth between them, suddenly realizing how great it is to see them both.

“Sorry, guys,” he apologizes.

“What kept you?” Danneel asks. “Chad said you mentioned someone named Jared or something?”

Jensen takes a deep breath, that silly, giddy smile finding its way to his lips again. “I’ve got a lot to tell you.”

“So spill,” Chad prompts.

“I’ve met someone,” Jensen says.

“Holy shit,” Danneel hisses, sitting straight up. She sets her wine glass down, eyes wide as she fixes them on Jensen. 

Chad’s response is more to the point. “What? How?”

“Tell us everything,” Danneel demands.

Jensen smiles and prepares to do exactly that.


	6. Interlude Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for something a little different: A trip back in time to Jared's POV for days 6-10

INTERLUDE  
QUARANTINE DAYS 6-8: A RETROSPECTIVE

MONDAY

Jared doesn’t sleep well these days--he guesses most people probably don’t--and he wakes up way earlier than he needs to, brain taking a moment to orient itself. It’s Monday. Of course it’s Monday. It is Monday, right? Crap.

He reaches for his phone and consults the calendar, even though he’d checked it three times last night to be sure his new job started the next day. It’s definitely Monday, and he hates that he doubts himself so much on knowing for sure these days. The sun rises, the sun sets, and you’d think that would be enough of a marker for him to know the day of the week if not the exact date, but he never does. The sun rising and setting are just things that happen while time ceases to pass.

Jared’s been up for two hours by the time he logs into the Zoom meeting, and he’s nine minutes early for that, too. He’s had plenty of time to work out, shower and shave, eat breakfast and play with Thor, and he’s been killing time reviewing the project notes Jeff had sent him Friday.

The project seems well within his scope of knowledge. He’s not really nervous about being in over his head or anything, it’s just, it’s a new job and he’s starting it on Zoom of all places. Not going into an office on his first day is an alien concept. He’s already met with Jeff on Zoom, but he’s going to be working one on one with some guy named Jensen, who he’ll be meeting today. Jared hopes they’re going to get along well, because one point of contact is going to suck a lot if they hate each other. It might even cost him the job, and he needs this job right now.

Someone logs into the meeting and Jared feels himself tense a little when he sees it isn’t Jeff.

Must be Jensen, then, he thinks and steels himself. And then the thought evaporates completely when he gets his first look at the guy.

He has to be the most gorgeous creature Jared has ever laid eyes on. Bottle-glass green eyes, short, tousled brown hair and a face like an Adonis. High, sharp cheekbones and a triangular jaw, generously plush lips, and his eyes have the tiniest creases at the corners, like they crinkle when he smiles, or laughs. He’s got the slightest bit of stubble riding his jawline and it serves to make him look just a little more badass than any programmer should. He looks amazing, delicious and perfect.

“Good morning,” Jared breathes, and he can feel his face bloom into a wide, bright smile.

The exquisite guy on the screen is just staring at him, and Jared isn’t sure why. Had he not been expecting Jared?

“I’m, uh, I’m new.” Jared feels his face starting to fall. 

The guy seems to tweak to what Jared’s saying, then, and they manage to exchange greetings, and fuck, Jensen is superhumanly gorgeous and from Texas, that slow, thick drawl hitting Jared deliciously right in his gut.

They talk to Jeff and then with each other for a bit, and when Jensen asks how Jared’s holding up, he debates for a moment. People ask that a lot lately, but they don’t always seem to want an honest answer. Jared prefers being honest whenever possible, though, and Jensen strikes him as the type who might actually care. 

“All right, I guess. It’s strange though. Time is moving so slow. I live alone, so I haven’t talked to anyone or even seen anyone in almost a week. In person, I mean.”

And well, he’d just thrown out there that he was single. It hadn’t been his intent, but now that it’s there he can’t help but wonder if Jensen will respond in kind. Although Jared very highly doubts a guy that looks like Jensen is ever single for more than five minutes at a time.

“Yeah. Me, neither.” The way Jensen says it seems sad, and it touches Jared’s heart. He wishes he could reach through the screen, put a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. They’re all lacking a little bit of human touch these days.

It’s not the happiest of conversations, but when Jensen suggests they get down to work, Jared is surprised to find that he’s sorry to stop talking. Probably just an effect of quarantine. It’s so nice to see another face, hear a voice, no one could blame him for being sad to get back to work.

“Sure. Let’s get started.”

By the time they get to the end of Jensen showing him the project, Jared is disappointed, because any moment now, Jensen is going to log off. Even Jensen seems to stumble over the fact that they’re winding up the meeting, and well, they’re both lonely. How could anyone blame them for wanting companionship?

When he asks Jensen if he wants to keep the Zoom window open all day, he knows it’s more than just wanting companionship. Companionship is definitely part of it, but he’s interested in this Jensen guy. A little more interested than he should be, honestly, considering Jensen is definitely his superior.

They talk here and there, and Jensen is patient, kind, and extremely helpful when Jared gets confused. He glances up a few times throughout the day, admiring Jensen’s features, the way his brow furrows as he concentrates on coding. Once, he looks up and meets Jensen’s eyes looking back at him. Jared smiles at him, wondering if Jensen finds him attractive, too, or if maybe he’s just glad to see a face looking back at him--any face. Jensen’s response earlier made it seem like he was single, but the chances that he’s interested in men are probably pretty small. That doesn’t stop Jared from stealing looks, though. It’s great, having someone there, especially having someone as good looking and nice as Jensen for company. He feels bright inside, like sunshine shining through the cracks of a dim world, catching himself humming aloud more than a few times.

Jensen’s alarm goes off, calling the work day to a close, and Jared’s reluctant to let Jensen get away just yet.

“You have somewhere to be?” Jared asks, an amused smile playing about his lips.

Do Jensen’s cheeks turn the slightest bit pink? Jared thinks they might, and it’s more adorable than anything has a right to be.

“Yeah, hot date.” Jensen smiles.

He’s kidding, he has to be. “The CDC would frown on that,” Jared teases, and he’s joking, but he’s also digging a little, wanting more information.

“Hey,” Jensen says, “what happens between me and my dinner is none of the CDC’s business.”

Jared feels the slightest bit of relief at that response. “Ooh, a ‘hot dinner’ date,” Jared teases. “I can't compete with that.”

Jared’s always been a gigantic flirt, his entire life since he was old enough, which means he has plenty of practice with knowing how to feel things out. Most of the time, he’s just being playful, meaningless flirting for fun, but he’s very serious about this. He needs to pull back a little though, not turn on the full charm, or he might send Jensen running. So he throws out the statement, lightly teasing and just a touch flirty.

The look on Jensen’s face seems to indicate Jared might have a chance at competing with that. He looks suddenly vulnerable and a tiny bit dreamy eyed--but the expression is there and gone, so fast Jared might have imagined it.

They keep talking for a few minutes, joking and laughing, and it feels easy, natural, more comfortable than anything Jared’s felt in a long time. When they finally sign off, he sits there in front of his screen for a couple minutes, thinking about the day.

He’d shut his heart down after Sandy, and that had been nine months ago now. He’s had some hook ups, even a date or two since then, but nothing approaching a serious relationship since her. He just hasn’t been that interested, finding other things to occupy his time.

And then eight hours with Jensen Ackles later, here he is, feeling the first serious stirrings in his heart since last summer. It seems way too fast, but Jared knows himself pretty well, and he knows what this is. If Jensen isn’t into guys, working with him is going to be very difficult. Jared should probably bow out gracefully now, before his feelings get too serious.

He closes the laptop and shakes his head at himself. He also knows himself way too well to even think that’s going to happen.

*

TUESDAY

On day two, Jensen looks even more gorgeous than he did the day before. That’s something Jared would have considered unlikely, if anyone had asked him yesterday. Jensen looks like he’d taken extra care with his appearance today, and Jared can’t help but wonder why. The fact that Jared had done the exact same thing doesn’t escape him.

He feels immediately at ease with Jensen, the give and take of their communication so effortless. They talk about Netflix, and Glow, a show Jared just recently finished watching, and it feels so good to just talk to Jensen, to be able to look him right in the face, see that glorious smile, hear that joyous laugh he gives every now and then, and Jared finds himself extremely tuned in to every tiny movement of Jensen’s face.

As they finish up talking about Glow, Jared wonders if Jensen had clued in to the fact that Bash is gay; the character had pinged Jared’s gaydar the second he’d shown up, but Jared thinks maybe that’s because he’s queer, himself. Jensen, most likely, is not.

When lunch time rolls around, Jensen seems to have something he wants to say.

“I just… I thought maybe you might… want to eat lunch together?” Jensen asks, tentative, like he’s unsure if he should be asking at all.

The hesitancy coupled with the undeniable underlying sweetness make it about the cutest thing Jared’s ever seen. He wants very badly to say yes, and it’s on the tip of his tongue to say so. And then he remembers, with pressing guilt, that he needs to take Thor out and spend some time with him.

Still, he doesn’t move right away, ordering food on his phone while he keeps the conversation going. They talk about music for a while, which leads to what they both did last summer, which leads to Jared talking about his visit to Rome and Italian food, which are two of his favorite subjects. 

“Did you go alone?” Jensen asks.

Jared wonders, for a moment, why Jensen is asking. That trip had been the last time Jared had gone anywhere with Sandy, and Jared isn’t sure he wants to get into that just yet. He tosses his hair back and tells Jensen he’d been seeing someone then. Wonders if Jensen will notice the lack of a pronoun.

“Did you see the Sistine Chapel?” Jensen asks.

Jared loses focus, remembering what it was like, being there, standing there, and then he remembers he’s supposed to be telling Jensen about it. He launches into a goddamned soliloquy of feeling, trying to explain it, to get it just right, to relay as closely as possible what it felt like to be there. He realizes, as he approaches the end, that Jensen probably didn’t mean to sign on for this much explanation and enthusiasm when he first asked the question, and Jared reins himself in, stopping short of finishing his thought. 

He knows he gets carried away, that he seems to have more feelings about most things than most people. He knows he can get a little overly obsessive about his interests, and he knows it puts people off. He doesn’t want to overwhelm Jensen.

“It felt like being part of something, I guess,” Jared finishes.

“That wasn’t what you were going to say.” The way Jensen prompts him is gentle, caring and genuinely curious.

“I get a little carried away sometimes,” Jared admits, feeling just a tinge of embarrassment. He doesn’t want to make an ass out of himself in front of this guy. Not until Jensen knows him better, anyway. “Actually, I’m kind of a gusher,” he adds, with a light laugh.

Jensen hesitates a moment, and then says, “Me too.” Jared’s eyes meet his with surprise and Jensen laughs this time. “Gushers of the world unite.

God he’s beautiful. Like otherworldly, creature of the fey, too perfect to be real beautiful. Jensen’s the kind of guy that when he laughs, faeries get their wings and unicorns spontaneously give birth. Talk about lighting up a room. Jesus.

He doesn’t strike Jared as the gushing type, though.

“Really?” Jared asks, one brow rising. “Because you seem so… pulled together.”

Jensen’s laugh this time is a rough, single, sardonic sound that escapes his throat. “Get to know me.” 

Jared wants to. He wants to get to know Jensen in every single way imaginable. He wants it so much it’s nearly a tangible feeling. 

But before he can say anything, they get interrupted by… a cat? It’s fluffy and pure black, all too pleased to be pulled into Jensen’s arms, and well, who wouldn’t be, honestly? Jensen has a cat, and that makes Jared like him even more, wide, bright smile creasing his face.

“Yeah, this is Loki,” Jensen says with rumpled affection.

Jared can feel the smile drop from his face, the way his stomach swoops and his brain just stops. “Your cat’s name is Loki?”

His cat’s name is Loki. What are the odds on something like that? Probably pretty low. Not impossible, but extremely unlikely. Jared’s not a big believer in fate, or divine intervention, but if the universe were going to test his disbelief in those sorts of things, this is an  _ excellent _ effort. For a moment he wonders if the universe is screwing with him on purpose, because a coincidence like that, on top of how much he already likes this guy?

“Loki and Thor.” Jared thinks that over, debating the universe’s system of checks and balances, the odds of it all. And despite that he’s not a big believer in fate or destiny, he thinks it has to mean  _ something _ . Could this have been meant to happen? Is the two of them meeting some kind of cosmic kismet? He’s always been firmly planted on the fence when it comes to the idea of soulmates, but right now he feels like maybe he’s beginning to lose his balance. He has no idea if Jensen likes men, or if Jensen believes in soulmates, but it seems like too perfect an opportunity to let slip by without remarking on it.

Jared looks at Loki for a moment longer and then lifts his eyes to meet Jensen’s, lips parting in a wide, bright smile as he winks at Jensen, putting a light spin on the words. “Clearly this means we’re soulmates.”

He makes it seem like a complete joke, but he watches Jensen’s reaction carefully. Jensen seems at a loss for how to respond and Jared isn’t sure how to interpret that--doesn’t have time to interpret it, because that’s when his food arrives.

“Jared.” Jensen’s gaze is focused on Jared, so intense that it mesmerizes Jared. “What were you going to say before, about being in the chapel? What did it feel like?”

It would have been easy to forget, or to deliberately let the subject drop. But Jensen hadn’t; he’d come back to it. He’s asking how Jared had felt in that moment, as if it’s something he’s hungry to know.

And in that moment, Jared knows he’s doomed. Knows it’s futile to try resisting, even if he’d wanted to. That’s when he drops all his defenses and leaves himself wide open, memory so vivid, it’s like he’s still standing in the chapel. 

“It felt… like being more than alive.” His eyes rise to meet Jensen’s directly, and he lets the emotion inside him shine through. “It felt transcendent.”

And Jensen… Jensen doesn’t look at him like he’s crazy, or he just said something silly or melodramatic. Jensen stares right back into Jared’s eyes and looks like he’s imagining how Jared felt, like he’s experiencing a little transcendence, himself.

Like Jared’s feeling right now, looking at Jensen. 

The delivery person knocks again, and Jared gives Jensen a big smile before he leaves. 

While he’s eating, he comes up with a pretty good idea on how to save them some time on the project. The fact that it’s going to save them time is kind of secondary to the fact that Jared has specific ideas about what he wants to do with that spare time--which is to spend it with Jensen, doing other, fun, non-work things. But even though it’s secondary, it still accomplishes some work goals, which makes Jared feel pretty good about the whole thing.

He’s so excited about the idea that even though it’s tough saying good night to Jensen, he’s eager to get moving on the project. He has to do one other thing first though.

He texts Chris immediately after Jensen closes the Zoom meeting.

[](https://ibb.co/6t5g2Qf)

[](https://ibb.co/WWCH4qY)

[](https://ibb.co/s30PPCV)

[](https://ibb.co/QdPmFBH)

[](https://ibb.co/MsGnS2X)

Chris makes Jared promise to tell him everything on their next phone call, and he sets down the phone, thoughtful.

He might have been being a  _ touch _ dramatic, but only a touch. If he can’t be with Jensen, then he can at least be an amazing friend to Jensen. If Jensen picks up what he’s putting down, then maybe he’ll get to be an actual boyfriend to Jensen. But even if not, Jared will still be happy to spend all his spare time with Jensen. 

Totally worth it.

*

WEDNESDAY

Jared picks his clothes carefully in the morning. He usually wears his shirts pretty tight, because he does work out, and while he does it to be healthy to a degree, he’s also doing it to look damned good, and what’s the point if he doesn’t show it off? He chooses his tightest shirt for today’s adventure, wondering if Jensen will even notice, and what he’ll think if he does.

He’s a little nervous, unsure how Jensen will react to the idea. But Jensen has already shown that he seems to like Jared’s emotional honesty, that he cares about Jared’s feelings, so Jared tells him the truth. Tells him the whole story of the Black-Footed Ferrets, how that one little furball crawled right inside his heart and made him incredibly happy, and why he thinks it’s important to share it.

Jensen’s skeptical, but he seems touched by the thought, and to embrace the idea completely when he agrees.

Project Zoo Date, as Jared has come to think of it in the last 15 hours, is a complete success. Jensen seems delighted, and Jared is suffused with happiness, reveling in Jensen’s expressions and reactions, watching Jensen more than he watches the actual animals. Jared knows he’s a little delirious from lack of sleep and staring at code most of the night, and that he’s feeling things a little more deeply than he normally would because he’s tired. But he’s sure he would still find Jensen just as enamoring as he is right now.

He doesn’t think Jensen considers it a date, but he isn’t sure if that’s because Jensen’s straight or just oblivious. Jared’s starting to lean towards oblivious even if he  _ is _ straight, because Jared’s not being blatant, but he’s not exactly being subtle, either.

Then they switch over to the cheetah cam, which Jensen seems very excited about, and catch two cheetahs in the act of mating.

“Oh,” Jared breathes, and then chuckles. 

Jensen doesn’t say anything, and for a moment Jared wonders if Jensen is embarrassed about watching animals have sex. Jensen’s eyes are locked on the screen, and Jared studies his expression. Jensen doesn’t look embarrassed though, if anything, he looks a bit tense. Jared, meanwhile, is just plain envious of the creatures having sex on the screen.

“At least the cheetahs are getting some,” Jared remarks. It’s an admission of his envy as much as it’s a light invitation to Jensen to talk about sex.

“Yeah.” Jared can hear Jensen’s chair creak a bit through the mic. “Good for them.”

Jared thinks he sounds slightly bitter.

“I miss sex,” Jared says, and sighs. He lets himself wonder what it would be like, to be with Jensen, to have those hands on him, feel that divine mouth against his, the smoothness of his skin, the hardness of his muscles, the heat of his cock.

Jared suppresses a shiver and tries to push the thought away.

“Not that I was having it often before quarantine,” Jared adds. “But I miss it a lot now that I can’t have it.”

He can’t help but imagine Jensen on top of him, holding him with those strong hands, kissing down into him, biting the thin skin of his throat, rough and sweet and--

Jared pulls himself away from the image forcefully.

“Sorry,” Jared apologizes. “That was probably more than you wanted to know.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I get it.”

“Yeah. Still.” 

Jensen glances over at Jared, and Jared’s suddenly aware of how warm he feels, his eyes still fixed on Jensen’s face, desire rushing through his veins, and for just an instant, Jared thinks he sees the same want in Jensen’s eyes.

But Jensen looks away quickly, eyes tracking over to the cheetah camera. “Not like you can…” Jensen hesitates, and Jared wonders where he’s going with this. “I mean, it’s not like you can pick up chicks during quarantine.” 

Jensen almost makes it sound casual, but there’s something about his tone that makes Jared wonder… Jared’s done a lot of flirting and feeling things out with Jensen, and if their situations were reversed, this is definitely something Jared would ask. But operating under the assumption that Jensen is straight and probably thinks Jared is, too, it’s possible it’s a conversational thing. 

Jared’s tempted to tell Jensen the truth--that he likes men and women--but he isn’t quite ready to have that conversation. To find out Jensen’s straight and will never be interested in Jared like Jared is interested in him. To have all his hope crushed. He knows it’s likely to happen, and that he’ll have to have that conversation with Jensen eventually, but he’s content to put it off a while.

Still, whether it’s men or women, Jensen makes a good point. Jared huffs out a bitter chuckle. “Yeah, not really.”

Jared feels the need to change the subject, then, and switches to the other cheetah cam.

“I love cheetahs,” Jensen is saying. “They’re my favorite big cat. So fast and graceful. They’re the most friendly and docile of the big cats, too. Really affectionate with humans--well, when they’re raised in captivity, anyway.”

“They’re beautiful,” Jared agrees, and what he means is,  _ “You’re beautiful” _ , because he isn’t looking at the cheetahs at all, his gaze fixed on Jensen’s blissful, radiant face.

Jensen glances at him and Jared realizes how he’s staring, openly adoring, and wonders if Jensen sees it, too, because Jensen looks away again a second later.

“I guess you’re more of a dog person though?” Jensen asks, and he sounds all right.

“I like cats, too.” 

“I used to have a dog,” Jensen says, and then almost looks sorry he said it.

“Used to?” Jared asks, curious.

Jensen hesitates for a long moment, like he’s thinking hard about how to say what he means, but when he speaks, all he says is, “Bad break up.”

“Oh.” Jared pauses, wishing Jensen had been more specific and grateful that he wasn’t. “Yeah, I know a little about those.”

Jensen seems hesitant about the whole subject, and Jared could change it, but he decides to be honest, direct. It’s his preference, and Jensen doesn’t seem to mind. Seems, in fact, to appreciate it.

“Too soon to talk about it?” Jared asks.

Jensen tilts his head to one side as if in a shrug. “It wasn’t that recent.”

“I meant too soon to talk to someone you barely know about it.” 

Jensen looks him dead in the face, and Jared is captivated. He has no idea what Jensen’s about to say, held in place by those eyes, feeling suddenly and completely connected to Jensen.

“I feel plenty comfortable talking to you.”

Jensen saying it out loud feels intimate, because it’s a secret Jared’s been harboring, holding close to his heart since the first day they’d met. To hear it out loud feels like release, like relief and being exposed all at once. It’s true. Jensen feels inexplicably safe, comfortable, like Jared could tell him anything and Jensen wouldn’t blink. 

“I feel the same way.” Jared nods.

Jensen nods back, small smile touching his lips, warmth and gratitude in his eyes.

“It’s weird, right?” Jared asks, speaking his thoughts aloud. “I mean I know we just met, but it’s almost like…”

“We’ve known each other for a really long time?” Jensen asks.

Jared can’t help the smile that takes hold of him, real happiness filling his heart. “Yeah.”

Jensen looks at him for a moment longer, and for a moment, Jared thinks Jensen might say something else. Something just as secret and intimate. Something that would slide into Jared veins like warm honey.

“Were you planning on doing any work today?” Jensen asks, arching a brow at Jared.

It wasn't what Jared was expecting, but Jensen seems to want to keep talking, and Jared’s joy is undiminished.

“Not if we can help it.” Jared’s grin grows even broader.

“How do you feel about having a couple beers?” Jensen asks.

“During the  _ day _ ?” Jared gasps, pretending to be scandalized.

Jensen laughs and the warmth in Jared’s chest grows bigger, brighter. He really likes making Jensen laugh. And hey, there are fairies out there that need wings, anyway.

*

Jared drinks a touch more than he should, especially given that he’s already a little loopy from being tired, but he’s having such a good time just talking to Jensen. They talk about their families, and Texas and sports and Jensen confesses his love for baby cheetahs of all things, for alternative music and Southwestern food. He’s tipsy and completely adorable, so handsome with just a bit more looseness to him, cheeks lightly flushed from drinking, and Jared could stare at him all night, listen to him talk about anything, for days. 

Jared really hadn’t been joking when he’d texted Chris. He knows it’s crazy to think about marrying someone he only met three days ago. He knows it’s dramatic to feel like he’ll pine over Jensen forever if they never get to be together. But that doesn’t change how he feels in the slightest. The logical part of his brain is screaming at him right now to please, please, PLEASE think about things, because there is no way Jared should be feeling or knowing any of these things. 

He knows his logical brain is right. It just doesn’t change anything.

Chris was right, too. Jared usually is cautious with his heart. Once he’s in, he’s all in, but he’s usually careful until he gets there, until he knows he can trust the other person. With Jensen, he wants to toss the logical part of his brain right out the window, slam the window shut and lock all the doors and just feel what he’s feeling right now. This connection, this rightness, the absolute, utter perfection of just existing alongside Jensen.

Maybe it is fate. Maybe they are soulmates. All he knows is that he feels like himself when he’s with Jensen, like he’s more himself than he’s ever been. He feels it marrow deep and soul sharp; more present, more real. Somehow complete.

Jensen stops speaking in mid-sentence.

“You okay?” Jared asks. 

“I forgot to set my alarm. It’s seven-thirty.” Jensen blinks like he can’t believe it. “How did that happen?”

“Alcohol and good company.” Jared grins and tilts his head back, draining his beer.

“We never even had lunch,” Jensen says.

“We kind of did.” Jared tips his empty bottle at the camera.

“We should both probably eat something.”

It’s getting late, and Jensen’s making a good point. Jared sighs, turning the neck of the beer bottle back and forth between his fingertips before setting it down. “Yeah. If we don’t want to feel like crap tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Jensen nods, and his tone makes it seem like he’s feeling as reluctant as Jared to end the meeting.

“Thanks for the zoo, today.” Jensen smiles at Jared, and it’s like a beam of light shot straight into Jared’s soul. Jensen looks almost euphoric, so soft, relaxed and natural, and Jared feels imbued with all of those emotions and more. 

“You definitely seem a lot happier.” Jared leans forward, his elbows a little unsteady as they settle against the desk. “You are happier?” he asks, letting the way he feels shine through in his face.

“Yeah.” Jensen smiles, wide and beautiful, seeming gratified. “How about you?”

“Absolutely.” Jared nods, emphatic. He wants to tell Jensen how happy he is, and why, how seeing Jensen looking so comfortable and pleased gives him a feeling of utter peace. But he can’t go quite that far, not yet anyway. He draws back a little, mouth pulling in a lopsided smile. “I had a good time today, Jensen.”

“Me, too.” Jensen’s eyes linger on his, that smile still playing about his lips.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Jared says, and gives Jensen one last smile filled with everything today has made him feel--how  _ Jensen _ makes him feel.

Jensen inhales deeply and says, “Good night, Jared.”

“Night, Jensen.”

He sighs, contented as Jensen logs off. Even Jensen going away can’t disappoint him tonight.

Jared spends the next hour looking at baby cheetah videos, a constant, dreamy smile gracing his lips. He wants to text Jensen, see what he’s doing, how he’s doing, but he doesn’t have Jensen’s number. He finds one particular baby cheetah video he thinks Jensen would like, and decides to use it as a way to ask Jensen for his number tomorrow.

Jared doesn’t sleep like a baby, but he sleeps a little better than he has in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interlude Part 2 (Jared POV for Thursday-Friday) coming soon! We'll get to Saturday (and what happens next) in Chapter 8!


	7. Interlude Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Beautiful art in this chapter by the amazing TXDora!

[ ](https://ibb.co/nBRhjZj)

INTERLUDE  
QUARANTINE DAYS 9-10: A RETROSPECTIVE

THURSDAY

He wakes in the morning feeling more solid than he had yesterday. Lack of sleep and drinking had made him pretty loopy by the end of the day, but that same, dreamy smile drifts across his face the second he thinks about Jensen. The feelings are all still there. Magnified last night, certainly, but no less real.

He’s falling hard. And he’s loving every second of it. He’ll probably hit the ground at some point, but until then, he’s content to freefall.

He’s running late, but he works out anyway, deciding to push it all the way to their meeting time. If showing up sweaty and pumped doesn’t get a reaction out of Jensen, he’s not sure anything will. He supposes he could show up naked, wonders momentarily what Jensen would do if he did, but that’s nowhere near acceptable. 

When he logs in to the meeting a bit later, he almost forgets to watch for Jensen’s reaction because he’s so blown away by the way Jensen looks. The pale green of his shirt brings out the green in his eyes, making them stand out against his tanned skin and stubble ridden jaw, and he looks _incredible_. Like he slept on a cloud in the sun with little baby angels nestled all around him; like god kissed him on the cheek, blessed him with radiance and incomparable beauty, and sent him back to earth.

It’s then that he realizes they’ve both been staring at each without speaking for at least thirty seconds. 

Jared shakes his hair back out of his eyes. “Sorry. I know I look a little…” He plucks at the v-neck of his shirt, letting it snap back to his skin, where it sticks fast against the wetness on his skin, molding against his chest muscles. It’s a deliberate motion, and the view it presents couldn’t be better planned.

“I went hard on my workout this morning,” Jared tells him with a small laugh. “Didn’t realize the time until it was almost past time for me to log in.”

Jensen seems perplexed--speechless, maybe? And come on, he can’t be completely straight can he? Not if he’s this tongue-tied over seeing Jared like this. Can he?

“It’s, uh.” Jensen pauses long enough for Jared to wonder if he’s okay. “It’s fine.”

He could just be surprised by Jared’s unprofessional state. Jared honestly can’t tell. If Jensen’s attracted to him, he’s doing his best not to show it. They chat for a bit about working out, Jensen admitting that he hasn’t been keeping up with his routine, which gives Jared an opportunity to check Jensen out in detail that he does not pass up.

“You look great,” Jared assures him, and Jensen really does. Beyond the beauty of him, the way that shirt makes him glow like light from heaven, Jensen is thickly muscled. Not bulky, but just built thick and full, strong and well proportioned. He doesn’t have the cut to his musculature that Jared does, but honestly, that just makes him look more natural, and even hotter.

“Who are you trying to impress during quarantine anyway?” Jensen asks, playful lilt to his tone.

Jared’s eyes track back to Jensen’s and he smiles, a big, wide, playful grin, his tongue catching between his teeth. It’s flirty and suggestive all at once, and it might be too much, but Jensen asked.

 _You_ , Jared thinks directly at Jensen and lifts his shoulders in a single shrug, brows rising.

“Who are _you_ trying to impress?” Jared throws back at him, still playful. 

Jensen’s cheeks flush with just a tinge of pink, and for a moment Jared wonders if he’s struck gold.

“It’s just… you know.” Jensen runs a hand through his hair. “Looking nice helps me feel like things aren’t so weird.” He pauses, seeming to consider. “I smell great, too,” he tells Jared, as if conferring some great secret. He leans a little closer to the camera and smirks.

He’s dead sexy when he speaks in that low, secretive voice, and lethal when he smirks like that. Jared’s heart leaps in his chest, stomach doing a light somersault, and he can feel his cock twitch between his legs.

“I bet,” Jared says, hanging on to his smile, his eyes lingering on Jensen. He wishes he could be there, experience how great Jensen smells, wants to tell him that, too, but that would be too much. He bites down against his lower lip and sits back in his chair. 

“I, on the other hand, do not smell great.” Jared chuckles and looks down at his sweaty chest. He should probably go take a shower before the sweat starts to dry on his skin, and he does smell pretty ripe. 

“Go take a shower,” Jensen says. “I mean,” he adds, hurriedly, “if you want.”

“You wouldn’t mind?” Jared asks, grateful. 

“Not at all,” Jensen replies. “I’ll just… be here… working.”

“Great.” Jared flashes him a quick grin and pushes up from his chair. He leans back down, face closer to the camera as he says, “I won’t be long.”

He turns and walks away from the camera, careful to keep in view of it. He couldn’t possibly have shown up naked to the meeting, but he can leave Jensen with a nice view of his half-naked body.

He’s close to the door when he reaches down and peels his t-shirt up over his head, cool air hitting his chest, the expanse of his back exposed for Jensen’s benefit. He takes his time opening the door, flexing his shoulder just a little harder than necessary. Maybe that will be enough to make Jensen imagine the rest, imagine him in the shower.

He wishes he could see Jensen’s face.

*

He tries not to take too long in the shower, washing up quickly, but the memory of Jensen’s voice, pitched low and gritty behind that sexy smirk, won’t leave him. He can imagine that voice saying so many things, whispering filthy things into Jared’s ear, taking Jared apart with every word.

Fist slick with soap, he fits his palm around his cock, squeezing as he drags up the length, shoulders hitting the cold shower tile as he falls back against it, a ragged groan torn from his chest with the sensation. It’s probably wrong, imagining Jensen whispering in his ear, telling him how to stroke himself, but it’s his brain, and he can’t control where it goes, Jensen’s voice filling him up inside as his palm slides up his cock, trailing soap bubbles in its wake. He flexes his hand, squeezing underneath the crown, imagining those eyes boring into his, vivid green and burning up, voice dripping sex and sin as Jensen tells him, 

_No. Do it slow. Nice, long pulls until your knees buckle and you think you can’t take anymore, until you think you’re going to break, until you beg. And then, maybe, if you ask me very nicely, I’ll let you come._

Jared’s knees _do_ buckle, fantasy sending him to the edge before he’s barely started, and he grips his cock hard in his hand, tugging rough and jerking down, lungs seizing in a breath of steam, head falling back against the wall as he bites viciously against his lower lip. Fingers delicious, slippery friction, yanking to the crown, and his breath freezes in his chest, whole body clamping down as he comes, sudden sensation torn from him, so violent it’s shocking.

He comes like a rocket, riding the wave, hand jerking himself sloppily through it, lower lip caught between his teeth, water hitting the tip of his dick in rough droplets, adding to the sensation that builds higher, twisting inside him until he’s spent, weak and shaking, sagging against the wall.

It takes him a couple minutes to recover, body twitching with aftershocks, nerves still singing with pleasure, and god, he hasn’t come like that in a _really_ long time, alone or with someone.

He finishes cleaning up and gets out of the shower, toweling off and wondering what Jensen would think if he knew. Maybe one day, Jared will get to tell him. In the meantime, it’s a secret Jared can live with.

When he gets back to the meeting, he shows Jensen the cheetah video and manages to get Jensen’s phone number. It’s a bit flimsy, Jared knows, but Jensen doesn’t seem to suspect anything. Jared’s beginning to think, sexual orientation aside, Jensen is definitely oblivious.

They have to actually work today, and Jared mostly puts his head down, focuses on the code. But he does find time to sneak a glance at Jensen here and there.

When Jensen’s alarm goes off, Jared is in no way ready to let Jensen go, and he asks Jensen if he wants to stay a while. There’s some surprise in Jensen’s expression, and Jared is surprised that Jensen is surprised. Clearly the man is oblivious. On some people, that would be annoying, but on Jensen… it just makes him even more adorable.

The conversation is easy and relaxed, and they check in on the zoo animals for a while, switching through each camera for a while. The cheetahs aren’t mating this time, but Jared still thinks about it. Not about the cheetahs having sex, but about Jensen’s seemingly bitter response to witnessing it. The way he’d imagined Jensen talking to him in the shower today.

Jared’s a very sexual person, in that he tends to think about sex a lot, even if he’s not turned on or planning on having it. He’s a very sexual person _and_ a very curious person, always has been, and that often leads him to wonder what people are like in bed, from friends to random people on the street. But with Jensen, it’s less curiosity and more a burning need to know.

But there’s a time and a place for everything, and now is not the time to get distracted by thinking about sex. It’s difficult when he’s being confronted with Jensen’s overwhelming attractiveness; the fullness of his lips, the shape of his strong, confident fingers, the intelligence and charm of his words. It’s difficult, but he manages.

“You know,” Jared says. “The cheetahs are mating now. Chances are good they’ll have babies in a couple months.”

“Three months,” Jensen answers, the reply seeming to come automatically. Then Jensen pauses, Jared’s words seeming to sink in. “We could watch them being born. Live.”

Jensen sounds excited, and Jared can’t help grinning. Not just because of Jensen’s enthusiasm and seeming awe of the idea, but because Jensen’s imagining the two of them still doing this three months from now. 

“Hopefully we won’t still be quarantined by then,” Jared says, thinking aloud. 

“Hopefully,” Jensen agrees. “But even if we’re not, you and I will still be doing Zoom meetings. Until you move closer, anyway.”

Jared can’t even begin to imagine what life will be like three months from now. Based on what he’s been seeing online, no one knows how long this virus will be a danger. But it’s comforting to know that no matter what, Jensen plans on the two of them still doing this.

It isn’t too long after that that Jensen brings up needing to go make dinner. 

“What are you making?” Jared tilts his face, leaning his forehead closer to the camera, brows raised with curiosity.

He loves that Jensen cooks, and as Jensen explains what he’s going to make, Jared feels his stomach grumble.

“You had me at bacon,” Jared says, imagining how delicious it would be. “I want to start cooking, but I just never make the time.”

Jensen hesitates, an odd expression on his face, like he’s thinking something over.

“I could show you how to make it.” Jensen makes the offer half-heartedly.

For an instant, Jared isn’t sure what Jensen means. And then he thinks he gets it, bright smile of anticipation rising to his lips. “You mean like, watch you make it?”

“Yeah.” Jensen nods.

“That would be amazing,” Jared tells him, sincere and touched that Jensen would help him learn. “Let me change, take Thor out and grab a beer and I’ll be right back.”

He takes Thor out, giving him lots of kisses while telling him what a good boy he is, and then goes to his room to change. He contemplates what to wear and decides to go with a gray tank top. It’s comfortable and it shows off his physique without being an overstatement.

When he arrives back at his laptop, cold beer in hand, Jensen has changed as well, wearing a white t-shirt that’s snug across the shoulders, showing off his muscles like Jared’s never seen before. His jeans are worn, and they aren’t super tight, but they cling well enough to his shape that Jared can finally see how nice Jensen’s ass is, and it’s exquisitely rounded, so perfectly shaped that Jared’s mouth goes momentarily dry.

He pulls his eyes and his mind from Jensen’s body and focuses on Jensen’s face, breaking into a bright smile as he tells Jensen he’s ready.

It’s sweet of Jensen to teach him how to cook. It’s also torture, watching his fingers work the food, the way his throat rolls as he drinks from his wineglass, the way he’s so easy and comfortable in the kitchen, explaining what he’s doing effortlessly and without the slightest bit of self-consciousness. Jensen clearly feels in his element in the kitchen, the same way he does with coding. It’s only with Jared that he sometimes seems uncertain.

Once Jensen gets the food in the oven, they start talking again, Jared sharing the disastrous cooking experiments of his youth with Jensen, who seems entirely amused by every single story, one elbow planted against the kitchen counter, chin resting in his palm and fingers clasped along his jaw, eyes bright with laughter and mouth a rueful grin as he stares directly at Jared. Such mirth and fondness in his eyes, and Jared can hardly stand it.

He downs his beer and excuses himself to the bathroom. He knows he’s had a few beers at this point, and that the alcohol is making him want to ask things he shouldn’t. Still, he’s not by any means drunk, and he can probably get away with a few questions. They’ve talked a lot at this point, but they haven’t talked about much that’s personal.

When he gets back, Jensen is standing in full view of the camera, turned sideways, his profile cut sharply by shadow and light, and even at a distance, without the detail of his features, he’s absolutely stunning.

“So tell me something, Jensen. What’s a guy like you single for?”

Jensen frowns. “How do you mean?”

Jared makes a hand gesture in Jensen’s general direction. “I mean you cook, your house seems clean from what I’ve seen, you're funny, you’re smart, you’re good looking.” Jared looks him up and down for a moment before his eyes settle on Jensen’s again. “Why hasn’t someone come along and scooped you up yet?”

Jensen thinks that over. “Not trying to be scooped,” Jensen finally says. 

“You like being single?” Jared asks, keeping his tone neutral.

Jensen reaches down, touching something off camera, and he seems disinclined to elaborate as he says, “Waiting for the right person, I guess.” 

Jared understands that. He supposes that’s what he’s been doing, too, if he’s honest. Ever since Sandy. He presses his lips together, looking down at his desk. “I get that.” He nods. 

“What about you?” Jensen asks. “I mean, I could say all the same things about you. Why hasn’t anyone scooped you up yet?” 

“Similar situation,” Jared says, with a light shrug. He doesn’t want to dump his baggage all over Jensen.

“Was it…” Jensen pauses. “Was it something to do with what happened in Italy?”

Jared’s eyes fly up to meet Jensen’s, surprised. 

“You just…” Jensen seems flustered. “When you said you went with someone, you seemed sad about it. That’s all.”

“You’re perceptive, too,” Jared says with admiration, his grin wry. Jared’s fingers toy at the neck of his beer bottle, eyes falling to where his fingertips play in condensation. “Do you really wanna know?”

“Of course.” Jensen leans his elbows on the counter and brings his face level with the laptop camera.

It’s a slow telling, the story of what had happened with Sandy, but he tells the truth, and he doesn’t leave anything out. And Jensen, bless him, doesn’t do anything except listen, intent and sympathetic.

In the end, Jared still feels like he’s said too much. “That’s probably more than you wanted to know, huh?”

Jensen doesn’t answer Jared’s question, asking, “What happened after that?” 

“She went home. And I stayed there.” Jared lifts his shoulders in a shrug. “The next day I went to see the Sistine Chapel. And it was…” Jared hesitates and lifts his shoulders. “It was a revelation.”

“Transcendent,” Jensen says, quietly, after a moment. 

The word sends a thrill chasing through Jared’s stomach, spiraling out through every nerve ending, lightness to balance the weight in his heart. 

“Transcendent,” Jared agrees, eyes finally rising to meet Jensen’s. He’s filled with so many warring emotions--grief and joy, lost love, and hope. Just looking at Jensen gives him hope.

Jensen looks down at his keyboard, and then he looks back up, asking, “Have you thought about dating anyone since then?” 

It’s not a fair question. But Jensen doesn’t know that. Clearly Jensen doesn’t know that; he’s so completely, gloriously oblivious to Jared’s feelings that he should be nominated for an award of some kind. And so help Jared, that just makes Jensen even more endearing.

He has to say something. He has to _do_ something. He’s maybe never going to get a better opportunity to confess his feelings, and he’s got to take it. He has alcohol singing in his veins alongside the myriad of feelings he’s having, and that makes it a little easier.

Jared places his elbows on his desk, lacing the fingers of his hands together as he leans closer to the camera with a nod. “Yeah. I mean. Not for a long time.” He looks up, locking eyes with Jensen, willing Jensen to understand as he says, “But lately… I think about it a lot.”

Jensen blinks a couple of times. “Because of quarantine?” 

Jensen deserves to take home the gold in the Gloriously Oblivious category. Jared looks down, and then sighs. “Yeah.” He nods, eyes sliding back up to look at Jensen. He pulls his hands apart, backs lying against the wood, palms turned upward, fingers splaying open. “I guess.”

Jensen tilts his head to the side, seeming confused. 

Jared bites down against his lower lip, screwing up the courage to just tell Jensen the truth. He exhales in a rush, shaking his head. “Jensen, I--”

Jensen’s phone alarm blares to life, so close to the mic that it’s nearly deafening, startling Jared from the moment.

Jensen fumbles with his phone, finally silencing the alarm, and then returns his attention to the conversation. “You, what?” he asks.

Jared opens his mouth, words still gathered there… but the moment’s gone, if it was ever there at all. He’s better off not saying anything, however much he wants to. He gives a half shake of his head, lips closing. The corner of his mouth pulls in a bitter smile. “Nothing. You need to get your food before it burns.”

Jensen seems reluctant to let it go at that, his brows drawn together, lips parting to say something as Jared’s doorbell rings.

It’s probably just as well. 

Jensen asks if Jared wants to eat together, but Jared offers Jensen a raincheck. They end on a happier note as they say they’ll see each other tomorrow, both of them smiling as they say good night.

It’s Jared that closes the meeting this time. Usually he waits for Jensen to log out first, but tonight he feels like he got too close, said too much, and he knows drinking played a part in that, but it’s not the only part.

It’s fine. It’s all fine. It’s not like he said anything stupid. He was really _close_ to saying something stupid though. He’d told Jensen about Sandy, and he’s never told anyone the details about what happened with Sandy. He’d never even told his family the details. Chris knows some of them, but even Chris doesn’t know as much as he just told Jensen.

Which is also fine, honestly. He’d felt completely comfortable telling Jensen his deepest, darkest emotions. He doesn’t regret it. Of course, Jensen probably thinks he’s more heterosexual than ever, now, but that’s incidental, really. Unaware of Jared’s actions or not, the truth is, if Jensen was interested in Jared, he’d probably have made some kind of indication by now.

That’s fine, too. He just needs some sleep. Everything will be back to normal in the morning.

Too bad sleep is such a bitch to come by these days.

*

FRIDAY

He does sleep, eventually, and when he wakes in the morning, he does feel a lot better. Nothing bad had happened, and Jensen is probably never going to figure out Jared likes him unless Jared says something. So they’re fine.

Jared feels a little silly for getting so spun up about it in the first place, and shakes off the night before as he rises from bed, bare feet padding across the hardwood floor to the shower.

He takes his time getting ready, smoothing his hair and pulling on a brown button-up, leaving the tip button undone. He considers himself in the mirror and then undoes the second button, grinning at himself. Whether or not Jensen is going to appreciate it, he’s still going to make sure he looks damned good.

Their conversation takes a deep turn from the very beginning, and they discuss the current apocalypse, social media and a couple other things Jared probably wouldn’t even mention to anyone else. When Jensen suggests that they work outside today, Jared is happily surprised, and eager to do it. He hasn’t been outside except to get his mail since this whole thing started, and he could use some sunshine.

When Jensen falters stepping outside his own door, Jared gets it. He has a back porch and a small yard with a six foot tall privacy fence, and he isn’t planning on going more than five steps outside his back door. He talks Jensen through it, and as they settle in, Jensen seems more comfortable with being out in the open air. It feels weird to Jared as well, but he’s not going far.

They continue talking about quarantine, speculating on why it seems as difficult as it does, and Jared honestly couldn’t imagine having this kind of conversation with anyone else; so honest and unselfconscious. 

“You know what I think?” Jared asks when Jensen tries to shift the subject, fingers lacing together across his desk as he leans closer to Jensen. “I think we should both decide to live our lives a lot more fully after this is over.”

Jensen tilts his head at Jared.

Jared shifts his shoulders back and forth and hunkers down closer against the patio table. “If you could do anything--I mean anything, after this quarantine is over, what would it be?”

“I’d come visit you.”

The answer hits Jared like a physical blow, and he draws back from the camera with a lopsided, vaguely confused smile. “Really? Whole world wide open, anything is possible, and you’d come visit me?”

“I’m a simple man.” Jensen shrugs. “A couple beers with a good friend is my idea of a good time.”

World wide open, every possibility imaginable available, and he’d come visit Jared? That can’t be a straight thing, can it? Jared would give a lot to be able to be in Jensen’s actual physical presence. For Jensen to want that, too… that has to mean something, doesn’t it?

He isn’t sure what it means, but he knows he wants to meet Jensen, so he smiles as he nods. “Then we’ll have to plan for that. Once all this is over.”

They dig into work after that, and Jared focuses on what he’s doing, chatting with Jensen briefly here and there, until Jensen finally speaks up, noting that his laptop is dying. Jared notices then how far the sun has sunk in the sky, the way the shadows have crept across the yard, and yeah, how low his battery is. He agrees to meet Jensen once they’re both back inside.

Once they’re settled back in, Jared considers that the weekend is coming, and they have no obligations to contact each other. 

“I’ve just got a couple more lines to work on and then I’m done for the day.” Jared pauses, eyes flickering over Jensen’s then away. “Then I guess we won’t meet up again until Monday.”

Jensen frowns, and all at once Jared is sure he’d had no idea what day it is. Jared only knows because he’s been thinking about trying to spend more time with Jensen.

“Holy shit.” Jensen blinks, startled. “Is it Friday?”

Jared nods. “Yes.”

“It’s only been five days? It feels like it’s been seven years since Monday.” Jensen pauses, thinking for a second. “Then again, how the fuck is it already Friday?”

Jared laughs. He can totally relate to that. He feels the exact same way. “I know, right?”

The news seems to hit Jensen pretty hard for some reason, and Jared is momentarily concerned, about to ask Jensen if he’s all right when Jensen draws a deep breath. 

“Jared.”

“What?” Jared asks, eyes locking on Jensen’s. Whatever Jensen’s about to say, it sounds important.

Jensen’s upper teeth catch against his lower lip. “I was... I was thinking about what we talked about earlier.”

Jared thinks back, trying to remember. They’d talked about a lot of things earlier, but there was one thing that stood out. “About meeting up?” Jared asks.

Jensen exhales. “Well, yeah, that too. But I was more thinking about… You’ve told me a lot about you. There are things I haven’t told you about me.”

Jared frowns, wondering what’s going on. Jared does want to know everything about Jensen, but he doesn’t want Jensen feeling obligated to tell him. “I only want you to tell me what you’re comfortable telling me.”

Jensen swallows hard. “It’s really not a big deal, but it seems like a big deal now because I didn’t tell you before.”

“Okay.” Jared is baffled, and starting to feel a little nervous, but he keeps his expression neutral, attentive. Whatever Jensen’s going to tell him, it can’t be that bad. 

Jensen looks away from Jared, focusing a little off to one side. “I’m gay.”

Jared is so stupefied, the words don’t seem to make sense for a moment. He’s been free falling, loving every second of it, treasuring it all because he’s known the inescapable pull of gravity would bring it all to an end sooner or later. Nurturing secretive dreams written at the back of his mind, images painted across the insides of his eyelids, quiet hope that grows in a still, silent space, untouched by the waking world. It’s only been five days, but it feels like forever that he’s been living with this, and he can’t quite bring himself to believe what he’s just heard.

“Jensen.” Speaking feels weird right now. “Look at me.”

Jensen meets Jared’s eyes, and Jared can’t read what he sees there, too many conflicting emotions vying for space.

“So we’re cool, right?” Jensen asks, sounding way too casual.

Are they cool? Jared’s been wildly hoping against hope that Jensen might be the slightest interested in men--or that he might reconsider his probable heterosexuality based solely on Jared’s existence. Neither of which are things Jared expected or believed would happen.

“Are you screwing with me?” Jared asks, still not able to feel anything yet.

“Why would I lie about something like that?” Jensen seems perplexed. “No. My last relationship was with a guy named Jason. We lived together here for almost a year. We split up and he moved out about six months ago.”

Jared didn’t misunderstand him, and he’s not kidding. His stupefaction recedes a little, and now that he’s not stunned, he isn’t sure what to feel. He tries to gather his thoughts, choosing his words carefully. “I thought I’d seen signals, but…”

“But what?” Jensen’s tone has a sharp edge of defensiveness to it, and that’s the last thing Jared wants him to feel. But before Jared can say anything else, Jensen goes on to say,. “I know you’re straight.”

Jared blinks several times in rapid succession, confused, as his head tilts almost completely sideways. How could… Can Jensen be gay and possibly be that wrong?

“Jensen, I’m not straight.”

Jensen looks as stunned as Jared had felt a moment ago. He sputters for a few seconds, and then he says, as if it explains everything, “You told me about Sandy.”

“Yeah.” Jared straightens his head and nods. “But there’s such a thing as bisexual, you know.”

“So you’re…” Jensen lets the question trail off.

“Yep.” Jared nods.

Jensen looks like he’s two seconds away from bolting, and Jared doesn’t understand at all. 

“Gotta say, I wasn’t expecting the look of blind panic I’m seeing on your face right now.” 

It seems like a long time before Jensen finds his tongue.

“Sorry,” Jensen apologizes. “It’s just… I didn’t expect... I thought you were straight so I’m a little… caught off guard.”

“Mmmhmm,” Jared hums, and he’s still really confused, but there’s a reason Jensen’s hung up on this. “Why does it matter that I’m not straight?”

“Because when I thought you were straight I didn’t think I had a chance with you.” The words leave Jensen in a rush, and he looks like he’s sorry he said them the second they leave his mouth. “And I gotta tell you,” Jensen adds, chuckling nervously, “that took a lot of the pressure off.”

Jared realizes a few things in the seconds of silence that follow. One, Jensen really is that oblivious. Two, not only is he way into Jensen, but Jensen is into him, too. And three, for as much as he’s been free falling all this time, he’s about to start falling even harder.

“Oh,” Jared says, his voice soft as understanding clicks into place. He straightens his shoulders and looks Jensen dead in the eyes, holding nothing back. “So you mean… All week, while I’ve been practically hitting you over the head with how much I like you, you were really just sitting there thinking you didn’t have a chance with me at all?’’

“You were hitting me over the head with how much you liked me?” Jensen asks, clearly dumbfounded.

Their back and forth reinforces Jared’s impression of Jensen’s adorable cluelessness--it also reinforces his every reason for liking Jensen so much. Jensen seems to fluctuate, to question things for a moment in the middle of it all, and Jared understands. It has only been five days, but it’s been five days of hours and hours with nothing to do but get to know each other. They probably know each other better at this point than some of their closest friends. Jared certainly feels closer to Jensen than he’s ever felt to anyone else, and yes it’s weird, but it’s also wonderful.

Jensen seems thrilled beyond measure and still amazed, and the way his face is lit up is truly something to behold. That there’s still room for Jensen to become even more beautiful just seems grossly unfair.

Jensen is smiling, shaking his head. “I’m still trying to get my head around the fact that you’re interested in me. I spent this whole week driving myself crazy about it, so sure you couldn’t possibly like me.”

Jared still feels like he’s waking up from a dream to discover it’s real, and he wishes, very badly, more than he’s wished for anything in a very long time, that he could touch Jensen right now. “Jensen, I felt the exact same way. Trust me. I understand.”

Jensen stares into Jared’s eyes, and Jared thinks he sees the same desire in him. “God, I wish I could kiss you right now,” Jensen breathes, words full of wonder and regret.

Jared bites at his lower lip, and he can almost imagine it, the exquisite collision of their mouths, the slick sweetness of Jensen’s tongue tangled with his. “Yeah, me too.”

“What do we do about this?” Jensen’s voice is rough with remorse and something deeper, darker, needing. “Being this far apart, being in quarantine. How do we…?” Jensen trails off as if he’s uncertain how to finish. 

Wherever they are, whatever they do, it’ll be the same thing, won’t it? Just in a different way.

“Date?” Jared asks, and hopes it isn’t too much, too soon.

Jensen seems to think, and then his lips curve in a smile, seeming pleased. “Yeah. How do we date?”

His stomach seems to do a little dance inside him, and he has to swallow hard to contain his feelings. Dating. The man of his fucking dreams, and they’re _dating_.

He takes another breath to calm himself, and gathers his thoughts. He has some definite ideas about things they can do--it’s not like he hasn’t spent hours doing research on that exact very topic. Jensen seems on board with all of it, but he also seems… distracted?

After a moment, Jared understands why. It’s the same reason Jared feels like he’s sky high right now. 

“Wow.” Jensen shakes his head, a huge, adorable grin adorning his lips. “I still can’t believe you like me.”

Jared’s grinning back at him, still unable to believe his luck. “I like you a _lot_ , Jensen. And every day? I like you even more.”

“Me, too.” Jensen breathes out the words like he’s enjoying just getting to say them at all.

They’re still just looking at each other, both of them with silly grins, and Jared thinks they must look like the two most lovesick, thunderstruck, moon-eyed puppies the world has ever seen. That’s absolutely fine with Jared, though. He could get used to this; just staring into Jensen’s eyes, drinking him in until he’s had his fill. Jared’s not even sure he could ever be sated.

“What do you want to do tonight?” Jensen asks.

Jared leans forward, eager to share--

That’s when Jensen’s phone rings. It becomes obvious within moments that there’s no way they’re going to get their conversation back on track tonight. Jensen was already supposed to be somewhere else, and Chad (whom Jared’s only heard about in stories up til now) seems determined not to take ‘no’ for an answer.

It’s all right. They’re good. The way Jared’s blood is buzzing in his veins right now he’s sure the only way he could be better is if Jensen was right there next to him.

Jared pushes Jensen to go hang out with his friends, and Jensen really wants to stay. Jared wants him to stay, too, but he doesn’t want to get in the way of things for Jensen. Besides, Jensen probably needs to talk to other people on occasion.

“Good night, Jensen. I’ll be thinking about you.” He’s going to be thinking so very many things about Jensen, and missing the hell out of him, but he can wait until tomorrow.

“I’ll be thinking about you, too.” Jensen looks like he wants to say something more, but he just says, “Good night, Jared.”

“Have fun.” Jared gives him a wide smile and blows him a kiss before he logs out.

He picks up his phone immediately.

[ ](https://ibb.co/GTQrW8x)

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He never could have imagined this, last night, when he'd been so close to spilling his heart out all over Jensen. The world had felt like a completely different place then than it does now. It's amazing how quickly things can change. He sets his phone down on the desk, still grinning wide, and wonders how he’s ever going to sleep tonight when he’s this excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--I hope you guys enjoyed this interlude 💖 I know some people were clamoring for Jared's POV. Later this week we'll be getting back to Jensen's POV and moving forward until the end. No more interludes, but maybe a Jared epilogue. We'll see (;


	8. Quarantine Day 11

SATURDAY

Jensen wakes to the ding of a text message.

He rolls over and reaches for it on the nightstand, pulling it to his bleary eyes.

He’d maybe had one drink too many talking to Danneel and Chad last night, and he’d been riding high on the emotional wave of finding out Jared actually likes--

Jared!

Jensen sits straight up in bed as the memory comes to him, smile already on his lips as he unlocks his phone, anticipating that the message has to be from Jared.

He’s a grown man with almost half a dozen relationships behind him--he knows he’s got no right feeling like this; the delicious thrill of anticipation racing through his blood, the delightful fluttering tremble in his stomach, the ridiculous grin plastered on his face at just the thought of Jared. He’s like a giddy school-boy, and he knows how ridiculous he is. The thing is, he feels so good, he can’t bring himself to care.

It’s definitely a text from Jared. He opens the text window--

And feels all the breath leave his lungs like he just got punched in the gut. People who just got punched in the gut probably have more coherent thoughts than Jensen does right now.

There’s an image of Jared on his screen. Jared’s sitting up in bed, obviously freshly woken, his long hair tousled, eyes still sleepy around the edges. White sheets are drawn up to his midriff, edges lost beneath his crossed arms, his chest bare from there upward. His musculature is amazing, skin sun-browned and nipples dark, the cut of his pecs like carved stone, the space between them rising up his long body to the hollow of his throat, the dip there shadowed between the span of his collarbones. His shoulders are incredibly wide and just as beautifully muscled, one bicep on amazing display in the foreground. There’s a wide, lazy smile on his lips, and he’s beautifully natural, the most gorgeous thing Jensen has ever seen.

Jensen can’t  _ breathe _ .

It feels like a few, long minutes before he can suck in a breath, uncurl his fingers from the death grip around his phone, and finally read the message Jared had sent, following the picture.

_ Good morning _

_ Do you think? _ Jensen wonders.  _ Jesus Christ. _

Did Jared just wake up this morning and decide to try and murder him? Jensen’s mouth is dry, heart racing, and his mind is definitely filled with thoughts of what he’d like to do with that wide open expanse of skin, his cock already half-hard. 

His impulse is to think Jared honestly thought it would be cute to send Jensen a ‘Hi I Just Woke Up’ candid. Then he remembers Jared stripped off his shirt on purpose that day when he was leaving the room, and he wonders…

...if Jared is completely naked under those sheets.

He shakes his head to clear it, attempting to focus. Deciding that’s not going to happen anytime soon, he resigns himself to being flustered and aroused, thumbs typing out the first thought he can bring to bear.

_ Holy shit you’re hot _

He looks at those words, debating them for a few seconds. They’re entirely, one hundred percent Grade A honest, but they don’t strike quite the right note. He’s about to delete them when the phone slips in his hand, and in his attempt to grab it before it becomes lost in the voluminous depths of his bed, he somehow ends up hitting send.

Well shit. So much for subtle.

He swallows hard, thinking. It feels strange, Jared sending him a shirtless pic, but they  _ are _ dating now, so Jensen guesses it’s not really that weird. Which means, if Jensen were to return the favor, Jared probably wouldn’t think it was weird at all. And after all, it only seems fair.

He lies back in bed, pulling the sheets to his waist, and then pauses, considering before he pulls them a little higher. His chest and the upper half of his abdomen bared, he holds up his phone to get a good angle, shifting it this way and that. He snaps a picture of himself smiling at the camera, inspects it, deletes it, and then snaps another, his body more flattered by the morning light streaming in through his window. He sends it to Jared, typing,  _ And good morning to you, too _ , afterward.

His heart is still pounding in his chest, nervousness mixing with the excited rush, now. He’s not as cut as Jared, but he’s still pretty well built, and his muscles haven’t faded much, if at all, since he started slacking on working out. He just hopes Jared thinks he looks half as good as he thinks Jared does.

There’s such a lag time in response that Jensen’s nervousness begins to outweigh his excitement, and he wonders if he’d said the wrong thing, sending that first text, or if maybe he shouldn’t have sent the picture. What if Jared doesn’t find him as attractive without his shirt on? Jensen thinks he looks pretty decent, but that doesn’t make him everyone’s type.

Jared’s response comes through a few long seconds later.

_ Sorry. I had something clever and funny to say. Then you sent that picture and fried my brain. Jesus, Jensen. _

Jensen’s smile tugs upward into a smirk on one side and then he types out,  _ You started it. _

And here they are, sending shirtless good morning pics to each other on a Saturday morning like any other… long distance couple? It still seems unreal to realize they’re dating. He’s not even sure what that means, given the distance between them. But he’s so much more than willing to find out how this all works. Maybe Jared can’t be here in bed next to him (preferably naked), but they can do this. It isn’t the same, but it’s exciting in a different way.

And Jensen is still grinning like an idiot.

_ See you on Zoom in a bit? _ Jared texts, and Jensen replies affirmative.

Despite the sexy-cute appeal of ‘I just woke up’ photos, Jensen’s mouth tastes like crap from beer last night and he could really use a toothbrush and a shower before he sees Jared.

_ Can’t wait :) _ Jared responds, and Jensen can relate. He wants to clean up and feel more human, but he’s also going to do it in a hurry.

He’s still grinning, biting on his lower lip as he gets into the shower, hot water hitting his skin like a blessing. He tips his head back into the stream of water, running his fingers through his hair. It’s starting to get kind of long--he hadn’t had a haircut for a while before the quarantine hit--but he likes it. Of course, it’s nowhere near the length of Jared’s, and Jensen wonders what it would feel like to let his fingertips run along the curve of Jared’s skull, let those long, silky strands slide through his fingers. Twist and tug Jared’s head back, kiss down the length of that long, gorgeous throat…

The image of Jared lying half naked in bed hits him hard, and he bites down on his lower lip again, for entirely different reasons this time. His cock is hardening all over again and he lets out a muffled groan, wanting to wrap his hand around the aching length of it. He’s jerked off to other people before, movie stars, porn, and once (in an incident he is never going to talk about) a documentary. It feels different with Jared though. Intimate, even though he’s alone, and he hasn’t been intimate with Jared yet at all.

_ It’s not like you’re gonna break some kind of sacred contract, Jensen. _

That’s a fair point. It’s been… okay, he doesn’t know how long it’s been since the last time he jerked off, but not since he met Jared, so at least five days. He doesn’t really need much convincing at this point, especially after that picture this morning. And he can always tell Jared later, after they  _ have _ been intimate.

His palm closes around the hard, hot width of his cock with a sensation like relief, his head tipping back as he sighs. He turns his body toward the wall, bracing himself with his free hand, forehead falling to touch the coolness of tile. He moves his hips forward until the hand gripping his cock is trapped between his body and the wall, and then he thrusts into the tightness of his fist, grinding and twisting his hips as he pushes upward.

His palm is rough, only slicked with water, and the added friction is delicious. His breath hitches in his throat, sensation overwhelming for an instant, and then he drags down with his hips, crown catching at the outside edge of his hand before he drives upward again. He can imagine the water beading on Jared’s tanned skin, running between his muscles in rivulets, Jared’s chest against the wall, Jensen pressed to his back like second skin, one hand wrapped in Jared’s long, wet locks, other gripping the sharp curve of his hip, fucking deep into the hot, velvety tightness of Jared’s ass, feeling Jared grind into him, breathy moans and pink lips smeared against the bathroom tile, gorgeous, strong body trembling, shaking with pleasure.

He fucks into his fist with sharp thrusts, imagining the way Jared would move to meet him, Jensen’s name like a fevered prayer on his lips, and Jensen grunts, shoving harder into the tightness of his hand, pleasure rising from the base of his spine, liquid heat pooling deep in his belly. Pushing up onto his toes with a violent thrust and a twist of his hips, hand squeezing tight in the moment before his orgasm seizes him, heat rushing from his belly to his cock, come spilling over his fist, teeth grinding together, explosions of color behind his eyes as he shakes, tiny tremors through his muscles before he falls back down on his heels, cock sliding downward through his palm and drawing another burst of intense pleasure from him.

His free hand flexes against the wall, nails scraping tile as he moves with ragged motions, hand held relentlessly tight in the same position, slick now with his own come, slippery friction hitting with a different kind of sensation, hissing a breath through his teeth as he rides out the wave, imagining Jared coming, clenching down all around him, shivering and twisting against him. His cock pulses out a last, weak surge of come, final burst of pleasure rippling through him, and he bites down on his lower lip so hard he almost bruises it.

He stays there, leaning against the wall, weight supported by his forehead and palm against the wall, breathing hard, last aftershocks chasing through him. Now is when he’d turn Jared’s head to the side, drag that beautiful mouth to his and kiss Jared hard, arm encircling him, holding tight as they both leaned against the wall to gather their senses.

And Jared would smile, maybe let out a rough chuckle, look at Jensen with half-lidded eyes still glazed with sex, and say…

And say…

He doesn’t know what Jared would say. He lets out a slow sigh, half release and half wistfulness, and wishes he knew. But that’s apparently as far as his fantasy goes.

He turns around, letting his shoulders fall against the wall as he catches his breath, and then he moves to get cleaned up, eager to see Jared again now that he’s sated. It occurs to him as he’s soaping up that he hasn’t groomed himself below the belt in a while. He just hasn’t had any reason to. Maybe he should do something about that. He isn’t sure, though. He isn’t sure how any of this works, or if there will be sex of any kind given that they’re two hours apart. But based on this morning's exchange, pictures seem like a distinct possibility. Possibly entirely naked ones.

God. Even just imagining Jared naked is overwhelming. He needs to get his head on straight. 

He takes some time to make his naked self more presentable as he finishes up in the shower, then brushes his teeth and considers his electric razor, eyeing it for a few seconds before he shrugs, running a hand along his jaw. Maybe he’ll let it grow in a bit more. It’s been a while since he’s had a beard. He’s kind of curious to see how it looks on him now that he’s older. He eyes himself in the mirror, fusses at his hair a little, and decides he looks pretty good. A little older, a little softer, maybe, but good.

Jared seems to think so, too, when he logs into the meeting.

“Wow, you look… did you… you didn’t shave?”

Jensen runs a hand along his jaw, grinning. “Thought I might give it a try.”

“It’s hot.” Jared's assessment seems unequivocal. 

“You’re one to talk.” Jared looks as amazing as ever, tanned and bright and happy, with his shining eyes and dimpled smile, black tank top showing off his big, sculpted shoulders, cut deep enough to show the beginning of his chest muscles. 

Jared tosses his hair back from his face and points his nose upward to one side with a grin, lifting his shoulders in a pose. He looks angelic, silly, funny and sexy all at once, and he only holds it for a second before he relaxes, looking Jensen in the eyes.

“So how’d you sleep?” Jared asks, and the playful glint in his eyes is fading now, genuine curiosity in the question.

Jensen honestly has to think about that, because he’d been pretty buzzed by the time he’d gone to bed. Well, okay, more like drunk. But… “Pretty well, actually,” he nods, realizing it’s true. "The alcohol probably helped though.”

“Usually does.” Jared chuckles.

“What about you?” Jensen asks.

“I…” Jared lifts one hand, fingers catching against his forehead and then running through his hair. It’s a useless gesture, his hair falling right back into his face, but it’s incredibly endearing. He looks boyish and innocent as he glances down at his keyboard, chewing against his lower lip for a few seconds, and then he lets go, breaking into a smile. “Not gonna lie,” he says, looking up at Jensen again. “I was so excited last night it took me forever to fall asleep.”

Jensen feels that smile catch hold of him, pulling him in, the sincerity in it leaving him struggling for words. “You were excited? About…” he swallows, hesitant to finish the thought. 

_ Jesus, you just stripped your cock in the shower to him. Now you’re gonna get shy? _

“About me?”

Jared huffs out a laugh through his nose, the sound wry, and then he nods. “Yeah. about you.”

Jared’s so earnest, honest and practically glowing with happiness, and Jensen’s chest feels tight, full with the expression on Jared’s face. They stare at each other for long seconds in silence, Jensen’s face feeling like a mirror of Jared’s; the same goofy, happy smile on his lips. And he could literally just sit here like this all day, chin on one fist, drinking in Jared’s beauty.

“I’m excited, too,” Jensen confesses. There’s hesitation in him to say what he feels next, worried Jared might think he’s silly. He doubts it, though. Jared’s proven again and again that Jensen can tell him anything--at least so far. He clears his throat, his eyes glancing off Jared’s as he scratches lightly at the long stubble on his jaw. “I swear I’m like a big kid today. I couldn’t wait to… log in and see you.”

Jared grins. “So we’re both being ridiculous about this. Good to know I’m not the only one.”

“Not at all,” Jensen assures him.

They smile at each other a moment more, and Jensen feels like a complete idiot, but in a good way.

“So what did you want to do today?” Jared asks.

Jensen has an idea about that, but he thinks it might be a little soon. Or it might not even be appropriate, he isn’t sure. “What do you like to watch?” he asks, shoving his idea to the back burner again.

“Pretty much everything. Action, comedy, horror, drama, even romance sometimes.” Jared pauses, seeming to think. “Everyone seems to be watching The Tiger King right now. Like, I don’t even know who Carol Baskin  _ is _ , but I’m pretty sure she killed her husband.” Jared laughs.

“Yeah, I’ve been seeing that everywhere, too.”

“It’s got big cats in it,” Jared says, like it’s an offer.

“Nah. I’m barely okay with big cats in zoos, privately owned ones are never treated well enough.”

“That’s fair. I don’t like reality tv anyway.” Jared’s eyes track up and to the left. “Well, unless it’s Queer Eye,” he amends.

“I love Queer Eye,” Jensen confesses, mildly excited. “I’ve been thinking about a rewatch, because it’s my happy place. Like comfort food. Good people out there, doing good things.”

“Exactly,” Jared agrees, and then he sighs, wistful. “Man, what I wouldn’t give to have Tan France come to my house and call me ‘my love’.” Jared shakes his head with an expression of longing. “It’s almost worth letting my whole life go to hell.”

Jensen laughs, and the look Jared gives him so fond, so incredibly intimate and pleased, like he’s just discovered something amazing.

“I love it when you laugh,” Jared says, voice soft.

Jensen’s cheeks heat up a bit, and his smile feels too wide for his mouth. He feels suddenly very self-conscious (also in a good way). “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jared shifts his shoulders and leans closer to the camera, seeming to warm to the subject. “When you laugh, fairies get their wings and unicorns give spontaneous birth. It’s like a super-power. So be careful with it.” Jared tells him with a grin, mock-admonishing as he wags a finger at Jensen.

Jensen laughs again, surprised by Jared’s description, and then he clears his throat. “I’ll try to be responsible.”

“Good.” Jared arches a brow at him. “So. Queer Eye?”

“I haven’t watched the ‘we’re in Japan’ ones yet.”

“Perfect.”

They start an episode, discussing their feelings about each of the Fab 5, which they seem in total agreement about, and Jensen is feeling pretty good after the first twenty minutes or so. 

“So you have a thing for Tan?” Jensen asks as Tan calls someone ‘my love’ on screen. Jensen is only curious; he doesn’t hold a grudge about things like that. Being attracted to stars is on a different level, and Tan France is an incredibly good looking man.

Jared looks at him in surprise, a little curious. “Not really. I mean he’s hot as hell but he’s a little…” Jared thinks for a moment. “Too high class for me, I guess?”

“Oh.” Now Jensen is surprised. “I figured since you wanted him to call you ‘my love’...”

“It’s just so comforting when he says it,” Jared explains. “I don’t know how to explain it really. You just… feel like everything is going to be okay when Tan says, ‘my love’.”

Jensen thinks about that, nodding slowly. He almost wants to make a joke about calling Jared ‘my love’ himself, but it would mean something different between the two of them, and gone as Jensen is over Jared, it’s way too soon for that. Instead, he just says, “I can see that. We could all use a little comfort these days.”

They watch several episodes, Jared interrupted every so often by Thor nudging his way in, wanting attention. Jared wraps his arms around Thor’s neck, long fingers stroking the silky fur at the base of the dog’s throat, and the image is so distracting that Jensen forgets to watch the show for a few minutes. Once, Thor barks joyfully, drawing chuckles from both of them, and Loki gets up from his spot on the desk, strutting over to look at the screen with curiosity. 

It’s been a while since Loki has lived with a dog, but Jensen’s sure he remembers. He and Zeppo had always gotten along well, and Jensen thinks the cat sometimes still misses their companionship. Not that Loki would ever admit it. Jensen looks from his cat to Thor’s smiling, happy, golden face, so much like his owner’s, and wonders whether Loki and Thor would get along.

“When we have that beer, we should plan a play date for them,” Jared says, voice gentle, like he’s reading Jensen’s mind.

He can imagine it all too easily, Jared being there with him, the two of them having beers and sitting too close to each other, watching Loki and Thor play together. Jared draped across the couch, across Jensen, like he’s always belonged there, the scent of him, the feel and taste of him filling Jensen until he can barely breathe.

“Where’d you go?” Jared asks with a smile, tilting his head slightly at Jensen.

“I was just thinking about it, that’s all.” Thinking that Jared would fit like he’s always belonged there when they’ve known each other six days. He’s pretty sure in that world he just imagined that Jared was living with him. It seems a little soon for his brain to be daydreaming about that, but he can’t seem to help it. Can’t seem to help that, or the smile that feels permanently etched into his face.

“You wanna break for lunch?” Jared asks. “I need to take Thor out for a while.”

“Yeah. I’m starving,” Jensen realizes. “All I had was coffee for breakfast.”

“I’ll miss you,” Jared tells him, and winks. Jared flashes him a brilliant grin and then he’s up, out of his chair and gone before Jensen can react.

He gets a great view of Jared’s broad back as he walks away. Not as great as the day Jared had stripped off his shirt, but it’s still pretty great, tank top revealing his wide shoulders and upper back muscles. Jared’s also wearing what looks like thin sweats, or maybe pajama pants, and they’re clinging to his round, pert ass like second skin. Jensen is still reeling from Jared saying he’ll miss him, but he’s not so stunned that he can’t appreciate the amazing view he has for a few seconds afterward.

Jensen pulls together his lunch in a happy haze, music playing in the background, that same dreamy smile curving his lips. They meet back up half an hour later and decide to check in on the zoo animals, spending an hour doing that, and then they talk, about anything and everything imaginable, from their favorite color (blue for both of them) to the types of food they like to eat (they both have a hearty love for steak), to the things they like to do (video games, hiking, listening to music), to their life philosophies (live and let live), to their personalities (laid back and giving people the benefit of the doubt), and at the end of a few hours, Jensen feels positively drunk despite not having had a drop to drink. 

They have so much in common it’s amazing, and Jensen is floating in it, high on it.

They have their differences, too. Jared is way more outgoing, his confidence more pronounced and obvious, gregarious and playful. Jensen is generally a little more reserved with quiet confidence, and although he’s playful too (once he gets to know someone a little), he’s not nearly as mischievous as Jared seems to be. There are other differences, lots of little details, but on the big things, the important things, they’re so similar it’s almost frightening.

It’s scary, and delightful, and Jensen is riveted.

When it starts getting late, Jared suggests they move to their beds and watch a movie together. They both make popcorn first, Jensen explaining the merits of kettle corn to Jared as he pops his in a pan with oil, and it’s only when he gets to the bedroom, one hand carrying the laptop, huge bowl of popcorn in the other, that Jensen falters. Normally, he’d strip out of his clothes and climb into bed, but Jared’s ‘with’ him and he can’t exactly do that. 

“Um, hang on a second,” Jensen tells him, setting the laptop down on the bed, screen facing away. He sets the popcorn bowl carefully on the bed, too, and then decides to split the difference, pulling a pair of worn pajama bottoms out of a dresser drawer. He climbs into bed shirtless, feeling like that’s probably okay since Jared had seen him in bed shirtless this morning. He pulls the sheets up pretty high to cover himself, leaving the comforter around his hips, and settles the laptop on his belly.

Jared is shirtless and completely uncovered, not a sign of sheets or comforter to be found anywhere, and the sight hits Jensen like another gut punch. Jensen has an amazing view of Jared’s upper stomach muscles and pecs, even in the faint blue light emanating from the laptop. Light and shadow play over his skin, making him look even more cut than he is, and he’s wearing a wide, brilliant smile, lounging in bed, completely relaxed and too sexy to be real. He looks like sunshine-laced decadence, and Jensen can’t tear his eyes away.

“Okay,” Jensen says after a moment, swallowing hard. “I was going to try for modesty.” He gestures at the sheets covering his chest.

“Pfft,” Jared scoffs, still grinning. “Modesty? Who needs that?”

“Fine,” Jensen replies with a smirk and tilt of his head. He pulls the sheets down, rearranging them under the laptop, balancing the weight of it on his bare stomach. He looks back to the screen to find Jared giving him a hard, long once over, eyes traveling up Jensen’s upper stomach to his chest, out along his shoulders.

“You look amazing,” Jared murmurs, deep hunger in his voice that sends Jensen’s blood rushing through his veins. 

“So do you.” Jensen’s voice is low and rough, threaded with the same hunger. 

He’s definitely turned on, but his stomach is fluttering, edge of nervousness singing along his veins. He isn’t sure if he’s ready to do… well, he can imagine well enough what they’d do. Jerking off to each other is about all they can do, and the thought of it feels weird, makes Jensen feel exposed and vulnerable. They can’t be intimate, and Jensen loves intimacy, kissing and touching and tasting every bit of someone. Being able to look into their eyes and breathe their breath, feel the sweat on their skin, the heat of their body. Video camera sex means they’ll basically be focused on each others dicks, and while that’s hot as hell under most circumstances, it doesn’t feel right in this instance. Not for a first time.

“Do you wanna skip the movie?” Jared asks, voice low and suggestive.

Fuck. Jensen’s heart kicks up a notch, beating faster in his chest, and his cock definitely wants to skip the movie.

“I really do,” Jensen says and then slowly sighs. “But I think…” he has no idea how to explain this. He’s never been in this position before. Usually if he wants to have sex with someone they’re right  _ here _ , and they just  _ do _ . “I’m not sure I’m ready to do this on video. Yet,” he adds, hastily.

Jared inhales, and then he nods several times. “Okay. We’ll go slower, then. I want you to be comfortable.”

“If you were here right now…” Jensen shakes his head, trying to stop imagining what he’d do. “It’d be a whole different story.”

“I get it.” Jared nods. “Video is a weird way for a first time.”

“Less intimate,” Jensen begins, trying to figure out how to explain it.

“And somehow also invasively personal,” Jared adds.

“Yeah.” Jensen nods, blinking once. Jared really does get it.

“Okay.” Jared recovers his grin and wriggles his body back and forth, sinking deeper into the bed, and then reaches off screen, pulling his bowl of popcorn up next to his side, snugging it up against his bare lats. “Ready for this movie?”

Jensen grins back, snuggling deeper into his own bed. “Absolutely.”

A couple hours later, the credits roll and they’re both sleepy, both of them lingering, neither one ready to let go.

“I guess we should get some sleep,” Jared grumbles, begrudging.

“Yeah,” Jensen agrees, just as reluctant.

Jared is lying with his face almost sideways, pillow scrunched up underneath his head. “I’ll see you in the morning, Jensen.” His smile is beatific. 

Jensen only hesitates a moment. “I’ll miss you.” And fuck, it feels so good to be honest.

Jared’s smile grows even more blissful, and he’s so beautiful, half asleep, face glowing in the laptop light. “I’ll miss you, too.”

“Night, Jared.” Jensen presses a kiss to his fingertips and then sends them Jared’s way.

“Night, Jensen.” Jared blows him a kiss in return.

Jensen logs out and looks at the blank screen with a long sigh. Jesus. That was hard.

He gets up, moving the mostly empty popcorn bowl from his bed, and then the laptop, situating his covers before he strips off the pajama bottoms and crawls into bed.

All the movement wakes him up a little, and he’s still lying there with his eyes open, thinking about Jared, when his phone buzzes a few minutes later. He reaches for it, wondering who could possibly be texting him at this hour, blinking at the too-bright screen.

Jared?

_ I’m having thoughts. About you. Lying in bed. Shirtless _

Jensen bites at his lower lip, rubbing his thumbs along the sides of his phone before he writes back.  _ What kind of thoughts? _

The response comes back quickly.  _ Naughty ones _

Jensen bites harder at his lower lip, smirking.  _ It probably wouldn’t help if I told you I was naked, would it? _

_ Oh my god, Jensen. Seriously? _

Without the video camera turned on him, he feels more in his element. Texting, teasing--this he’s totally comfortable with.  _ Completely. Naked. _

There’s a long pause, and then another message from Jared comes through.  _ You’re making it really tough to be good _

Jensen thinks for a moment, and then takes a deep breath. It feels a bit like jumping off a cliff, and he’s still a little nervous, but he wants to do this. _ Why, Jared? What do you want to do? _

_ Just thinking about you makes me wanna touch myself _

The idea of Jared touching himself is making Jensen hard, rational thought beginning to leave him.  _ You wanna put your hand on your cock? Jerk yourself off to me? _

_ Fuck yes. God Jensen, you are so hot _

Jensen reaches down between his legs, running the flat of his palm along the underside of his dick, fingers closing underneath the crown, imagines Jared lying in bed, naked, cock rock hard, come gathered on the tip like a delicious pearl, chest heaving. So turned on, nearly desperate, wanting Jensen.

Jensen reaches over and turns the lamp back on, then he rolls onto his back, drags the sheets down to the very top edge of his hips, head of his cock barely hidden beneath the covers. He lifts his phone, snaps a picture of his body, bare from his chest almost to his belly button, the line of his hard on clearly visible through the sheets without showing any detail. He sends the picture to Jared, and then he types,  _ Is that what you were imagining? _

_ OH. MY. GOD. You are so gorgeous. I wish I could touch you _

_ Touch yourself, Jared. Put your hand on your cock and stroke it, nice and hard for me. _

_ Feels so good. Wish you could hear the sounds I’m making _

Jensen thinks about that. Stops. Thinks about it again. And then he thinks,  _ Well. I guess I’m gonna do this. _

A few seconds later, Jared answers his phone, voice rough and raspy.

“Jensen?”

“You said I should hear you.” Jensen’s voice is low, gritty, filled with need.

“God Jensen, that picture of you,” Jared groans and gives a breathy moan, voice hitching in the middle. Jensen can imagine him stroking his cock, how good it must feel. “Your cock under the sheets… I wish I was there… wanna wrap my mouth around it.”

The words hit Jensen’s brain, send heat racing between his legs, blood rushing under his skin, cock head leaking against his belly, hard, needy skin aching to be touched. He palms against it, heel of his hand coming away slick, and wraps his fingers around the shaft. He groans at the sensation, hears a sharp intake of breath from Jared.

“Fuck, you sound good,” Jared whispers in a rush. He grunts and then breathes in hard, exhaling with a ragged whimper. “God. So close, just listening to you.”

“You wanna suck my cock, Jared?” Jensen demands, yanking his fist with quick, rough friction, hips thrusting, twisting. He’s not taking his time, too gone with the sound of Jared’s voice, so full of need and lust. 

“God, yes…” Jared shudders out the words with a gasp. “Wanna suck you so good…” Jared’s voice catches on the last word, and he shivers in a breath. “Get you all slicked up… climb on top of you and ride you…”

Jared’s breaths are coming shorter and faster, and Jensen can tell he’s getting close, starting to lose control.

“God Jensen.” Jared bites out the words, voice rushed, hot and desperate. “I’m gonna come.”

“Do it,” Jensen urges, voice thick. “Wanna hear you.”

“Fuck,” Jared gasps, breathing so fast, moaning and whimpering, and Jensen can hear the slap of skin against skin, Jared jerking himself furiously. “Jensen… I--”

The words break off as Jared’s breath seizes, and then he cries out in pleasure, and god, the sounds he’s making--

Jensen’s whole body shivers in response, spine arching into his own fingers, sharp moan cutting off in a gasp as his orgasm hits him like a freight train. He throws his head back, head digging deep into the pillow, mouth open, ragged bursts of pleasure rippling through him as he comes, spurting hot against his belly, all over his fist, hand gliding now as he strips his cock faster, harder, milking every last drop from it until he’s shivering against the bed, light sweat on his skin, cock twitching with aftershocks. He lets go of himself, wiping his hand against his hip, breathing heavily.

It’s a solid minute or two before he can peel his tongue from the roof of his mouth. “Jared? You alive?”

“It was touch and go there for a minute.” Jared’s voice sounds weak, but he manages a little laugh.

Jensen chuckles in response. “I know the feeling.”

“I came so hard I think I have come on my chin,” Jared says, still shaky before he laughs.

“Jesus,” Jensen hisses. “That’s hot. And impressive.”

“It’s your voice, Jensen. It slays me. When it gets all gravelly and growly like that? I’m done.”

“Just like that, huh?” Jensen asks, huffing out a small laugh.

“Yep.” Jared heaves out a contented sigh.

They lie there for a moment in silence.

“Jensen. I’m guessing you’re okay with this, right? I mean... you called me.”

“I’m good,” Jensen assures him. He tries to gather some thoughts together, struggling between how spent and tired he is. “I thought it would be weird. But it wasn’t.” He pauses, then adds, “It was really hot.”

“Hell yes, it was,” Jared agrees. And then, “Wait. Have you never had phone sex before?”

“Nope. Never needed to before.”

“You gave me your phone-sex virginity?” Jared sounds amused, and slightly gleeful. “I’m honored.”

Jensen chuckles, his eyes beginning to drift closed. He feels happy, relaxed, sated, and Jared's voice in his ear is the cherry on top. 

“Are you falling asleep?” Jared demands, like he’s offended.

“Maybe,” Jensen manages, only it comes out more like ‘Mebbe’. “Just enjoying listening to you.” He knows he should get up, clean up, but he feels so good, muscles light and body deliciously pliant. 

“I should probably hang up before you fall asleep on me.”

Jensen struggles to bring awareness to bear, but he doesn’t open his eyes, because that would destroy his buzz. “I don’t want to fall asleep on you. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m tired, too.” There’s a pause, and then Jared says, “I’m glad we did this.”

“Me, too,” Jensen says, meaning it.

“It feels like it’s been a long time coming. I still can’t believe we’ve only known each other six days.”

“Me neither. I feel like you’ve been here my whole life.” Jensen feels so pleasant, so at peace and happy, great day, afterglow of orgasm and tiredness all conspiring to loosen his tongue as he says, “I’m hoping to keep you around for the rest of it.”

An alarm sounds at the back of his brain, but it’s faint and far away and easy to ignore, sleep sliding closer to him by inches. Jensen almost drops off to sleep in the ensuing silence, Jared’s voice pulling him back one last time.

“You’re amazing,” Jared tells him, and his voice is so close it almost sounds like he’s there, right next to Jensen. 

Jensen keeps his eyes closed, smiling, and he can almost believe Jared is there. “So are you.”

“Night, Jensen.”

“Night, Jared.”

Jensen lets the phone fall away from his ear and drifts off to sleep, still smiling.


	9. Quarantine Day 12

SUNDAY

Jensen wakes in the morning, eyelids fluttering open to the sunlight, and feels his lips curve into a smile. For a few seconds, he feels utterly amazing; comfortable, well-rested, sated and happy. The fact that it’s quarantine and the world’s going to hell in a handbasket isn’t even a blip on his radar, and it feels like any other normal, Sunday morning, waking up happy and in--

That’s when he shifts his body and realizes the skin on his stomach is stiff. He groans, disliking the feel, and realizing he’s going to have to wash all his bedding today isn’t exactly making him want to turn cartwheels, but still, it barely puts a dent in the blissful warmth curled inside him.

No. It’s suddenly remembering what he’d said to Jared last night that does that.

He sits straight up in bed, comforter and sheets falling away, eyes wide, hands splayed against the mattress at his sides. 

_I feel like you’ve been here my whole life. I’m hoping to keep you around for the rest of it._

God, had he actually said that?

Way to fucking go, Jensen. Six days in and you’re practically talking about marriage. He grabs his face in his hands, blissful contentment fleeing to make way for complete mortification. He has no idea what Jared must have thought of that, but he knows it was going way too far, can only hope Jared will forgive him for being half asleep and barely knowing what he was saying.

_Didn’t you know what you were saying though?_

His hands slide from his face, and he sits there, breathing heavy, considering. 

_Did you mean it, Jensen?_

He’d been euphoric, still coming down off one hell of an orgasm, high on Jared and the day, and so sleepy he couldn’t keep his eyes open. In a state like that, he might be capable of saying anything. Anything at all. Anything could slip out, words unbidden from a half-dreaming brain. No one could hold him responsible. 

_Did you mean it?_

His brain twists away from the question, nimbly averting it and the implications of it. It just… happened. It’s not a big deal. Lots of people say weird stuff when they’re half asleep.

He just hopes Jared will understand. Surely Jared will understand.

Resolved, he sits there a moment longer, contemplating his phone. It’s kind of early, but not too early to text Jared.

Then he sighs, shoulders slumping, chin drooping. Yeah. He guesses he did mean it. 

So he wants to keep Jared around forever. What’s wrong with that? Besides the fact that it’s only been not quite a week and they can’t possibly know each other half as well as they think they do. Besides hormones that are making them both silly, goofy and grinning with new feelings--feelings that will wane with time. He knows the way he feels probably has little basis in reality, he’s well aware, but his brain is soaking in feel-good chemicals right now; it’s drunk out of its mind, it’s throwing a one hell of a party, and it could care fucking less about reality. He wants Jared in his life. Now, and for the rest of it.

Still. That doesn’t mean Jared has to know. Jensen can keep his crazy locked up a while longer.

He reaches for his phone, steeling himself.

[ ](https://ibb.co/qySjxW1)

Jensen laughs, despite himself. He feels a little better that Jared’s being so lighthearted, but also a little worse because this means he’s actually going to have to explain.

_No. The part where I talked about the rest of my life?_

There’s a long pause, and Jensen closes his eyes, fidgets with his phone in his hands, waiting.

_So you mean I shouldn’t be planning our wedding right now?_

Jensen claps a hand to his mouth, and then he bursts out laughing, unable to help it.

Relief rushes through him like a drug, and he sighs, rolling his eyes at himself. He should have known better than to think Jared would take him seriously.

 _Sorry._ He types back, smiling. _I just used my superpower irresponsibly. It’s your fault_

Jared sends him several messages in rapid succession.

[ ](https://ibb.co/RcdswyP)

Jensen loses it completely, putting his head down and laughing until he can feel tears at the corners of his eyes. The string of emojis was amazing enough, but it was Jared leaving the planet that killed him. He huffs out a few more laughs, wiping at the corners of his eyes and straightens, rubbing a hand across his mouth.

[ ](https://ibb.co/jbDCvTq)

The last text stops Jensen cold. Jared… feels the same way? Jensen just beat himself up for the last ten minutes for accidentally letting that slip, and Jared just pops out with ‘I feel the same way’? Like it’s not a big deal? Perfectly natural? Nothing strange or insane about it at all?

He didn’t think Jensen was joking? And he’s okay with that?

That should be weird, right? So why doesn’t it feel weird?

Clearly they’re both out of their minds. 

He considers his words for what feels like a long time before he begins to type. Then he deletes them all, deciding he’d rather say them face to face, typing instead, _See you on Zoom in thirty?_

Jensen doesn’t dawdle in the shower, getting clean and getting out. He takes a look at his face in the mirror, running a hand along his jaw. His beard is at that awkward beginning stage, but he decides to keep letting it ride. Besides, Jared seems to like it, too.

He’s still thinking about Jared saying he feels the same way, and what that means. He’s not sure how to feel about it, but he feels like they should talk about it. He takes a moment to appreciate that he feels like he _can_ talk to Jared about it. He’s had plenty of relationships (okay, all of them, but who’s counting?) where he didn’t feel safe enough to talk about his feelings beyond the usual ways people do. Which is to say, hardly at all.

He gets the first load of bedding into the washer and then heads for his office. He slides into his computer desk chair and plugs his laptop in. He’s not sure for a second why he’s going to sit here instead of lounging on the couch or in bed, but it is his office and where he usually accesses his computer. Plus, his back won’t hurt like a bitch from sitting wrong later.

His laptop had died overnight, and it takes a minute to get it up and going, probably two minutes tops, but it feels like a lot longer. He logs into the meeting with a minute to spare, greeting Jared with a smile.

“Good morning.” Jared’s all shimmering smiles and bright eyes, wearing a navy colored v-necked shirt that, as usual, clings to him like second skin through the shoulders and chest. He looks amazing, freshly showered, long hair curling against his neck, and his jaw and neck are…

“Did you skip shaving this morning?” Jensen asks, eyes narrowing slightly.

“Thought I might try it with you.” Jared shrugs, mild and easy, and Jensen lets his eyes run along the sharp line of Jared’s jaw, the curve of his throat, the darkness of stubble there. 

“You look sexy as hell,” Jensen tells him, honest.

Jared preens for the camera like it’s a mirror--the motherfucker actually _preens_ \--and Jensen bursts out laughing.

“Another unicorn just got born into the world,” Jared comments, grinning as he relaxes back into a sitting position.

Jensen just shakes his head, grinning at Jared.

“So how’d you sleep?” Jared asks.

“Like a baby. It felt amazing.” Jensen’s still smiling.

“Me, too. First time since quarantine started.” Jared seems to study Jensen’s face before looking him straight in the eyes, smiling back. “I think we’re good for each other, Jensen.”

Jensen nods, caught up in the glow of Jared. “I think so, too.”

And god, the way Jared smiles at him, the way he feels lit from the inside out by it. He can see everything in Jared’s eyes, his face. No mysteries, no secrets. Jared’s so honest, so open, his heart on his sleeve for the whole world to see, and he flays Jensen open to the bone, lays his soul bare. Jensen bites down against his lower lip, trying to maintain his composure, not let it show, and he doesn’t understand how Jared can be like this, how he can _do_ this; just walk right inside Jensen, through his walls like they’re not even there, as natural as if he belonged.

Jensen feels helpless against it. It isn’t fair.

He’s also fascinated by it, blown away and in awe of it. In awe of Jared really, the fact that he exists, and that up until seven days ago Jensen hadn’t even been aware of that existence. Now, it’s difficult to imagine his life without Jared in it.

 _It’s been a week, Jensen_ , the voice at the back of his mind tells him, as if this is news. He knows it doesn’t matter.

They stare at each other for what feels like a long time, just lost in each other's eyes, and Jensen’s smile slowly fades, remembering their text conversation from earlier.

“Jared, there’s something I wanted to tell you.”

“Go for it,” Jared urges, seeming cheerful.

“It’s about what I texted you earlier.” Jensen pauses, and you’d think he would have figured out exactly what he’d wanted to say while he was in the shower, but here he is, still stumbling.

“I told you not to worry about it. You saw that, right?” Jared asks, eyes fixed on Jensen like he’s concerned.

Jensen presses his lips together and then unfurls them, nodding. “I did. You said not to worry because you felt the same way, right?”

“Right.” Jared nods, seeming satisfied.

Jensen laces his fingers together, thumb rubbing over the back of his other hand. “I was going to tell you I was just sleepy. That I didn’t mean it.”

Jared sits back from the camera, his face smoothing out, eyes curious as they glance off Jensen’s. “Oh,” he says, and his voice is quiet. “So you didn’t mean it?”

“Oh, I meant it,” Jensen says sincerely, nodding slowly. 

“Oh,” Jared replies. A puzzled, tentative smile dawns on his lips. “So why were you going to say you didn’t?”

“It just… it seems a little soon to feel that way.” Jensen pulls his hands apart and spreads his arms, palms up. “A little crazy, maybe,” he offers, eyeing Jared, watching Jared’s expression carefully.

Jared huffs out a laugh through his nose and leans forward, smile broadening. “Call me crazy then, Jensen. I don’t care,” he tells Jensen, voice low and sincere, matter of fact as he stares directly into Jensen’s eyes.

Jensen has never in his life come close to fainting, but right now, he thinks he finally understands what it means to swoon. He bites at his lower lip and tries to hang on to his brain--words, he needs to speak words. The thing is, even if Jared weren’t staring him dead-sexily in the eyes, he’d still have trouble saying this. He wonders why he’d decided he wanted to do this face to face.

_Spit it out, Jensen_

“That’s just it. It seems too soon and a little crazy…” He pauses, gathering his courage closer. “But I don’t care either, Jared.” 

“Then don’t worry.” Jared gives Jensen a reassuring wink, his face so close to the camera, voice pitched intimately low. “I’ll keep you safe,” he promises.

Yes, this is definitely, probably what swooning feels like. Jensen’s glad he’s sitting down, because his knees are weak and his heart is a puddle in his chest. He doesn’t understand how those words from Jared can make him feel safe, so comforted. As if any of this were safe, or sane. But he believes Jared, he one hundred percent does, doesn’t doubt the honesty in Jared any more than he can doubt his own.

“I believe you,” Jensen tells him, and Jared’s smile melts him like butter all over again.

“Good,” Jared says, his eyes still holding Jensen’s. “But,” Jared goes on, regarding Jensen intently, “that probably doesn’t fix everything, does it?”

Jensen thinks for a moment, testing his inner emotional waters, and as much as he believes what Jared had said about keeping him safe, he can feel a reluctance inside himself. There’s still part of him that’s holding back. 

“It’s so stupid,” Jensen says with a bewildered laugh. “I’m scared that I’m _not scared_. Is that even possible? How does that work? I don’t know.” He sighs, frustrated with himself. “One part of me still says it’s wise to be cautious.”

Jared’s expression goes thoughtful. “What does the other part of you say?”

What does the other part of him say? The other part of him says he’s been head over heels for Jared since the first time they talked, even though he’d tried to keep his cool. The other part of him has been thinking about Jared non-stop since they met. The other part of him has been out of control since day one and he’s been trying to be good and push it down, because that’s what he thought he was supposed to do. And now that he doesn’t have to, he still feels like it’s what he’s supposed to do because it hasn’t been nearly long enough yet to be having these feelings.

The other part of him isn’t confused in the slightest. It’s also drunk on feel-good chemicals right now, but it isn’t confused. It’s an inner compass that only points in one direction, and it’s something he’s never felt before. It’s remarkable for that reason alone. He’d be a fool to discount it, crazy and drunk as it might be.

Jensen takes a deep breath, holds it, uncertain how to express what he wants to say.

_Stop thinking about it so hard, Jensen. Just let it be_

He opens his mouth without knowing what’s going to spill out, and when he speaks the words flow from him as naturally as water:

“To be crazy,” he says with a small, surprised laugh. “To let go. To give in and just let myself feel it. Feel it all the way. Even if it doesn’t work out, even if my heart gets broken. Fuck consequences. Fuck everything. Because it’s worth it. _You’re_ worth it.”

It’s a heartfelt and yearning confession Jensen hadn’t even known he’d contained. He’s surprised by the intensity of feeling inside him, how much he wants to let go and believe in this completely--to never have a doubt, to care and be cared for, mind, body and soul. It’s a lot--it’s probably way too much, and for a moment, Jensen almost regrets it. Almost.

Jared is just staring at him, his eyes glittering slightly in the light, filled with deep affection and a touch of sadness. Jensen can see him swallow hard, like he’s struggling to contain his own emotion. 

“That’s how I feel about you,” Jared tells him, slight catch in his quiet voice, smile turning up the corners of his mouth.

Jensen smiles back, and dammit he’s so fond of Jared, feels the rush of emotion inside him, curling deep in his chest and resonating outward, contentment and joy and everything in the universe that’s good and right. He’s an idiot for being even slightly confused about how he should feel--and he’s going to deal with that idiocy later. Right now? He’s just going to feel this.

“I do feel safe with you,” Jensen professes. “I feel like that should be weird, but it’s not.”

“I feel the same way about you.” Jared’s words are unequivocal. “And I’ll do everything to make you keep feeling safe.”

“My hero,” Jensen says and grins, and Jared laughs. The intensity of the moment lessens a little, and Jensen draws in a deep breath, feeling good, feeling honest and happier for it. 

“Hey,” Jared says, still chuckling. “I can be a hero. I _do_ have a horse. Don’t make me ride in on it.”

“You have a horse?” Jensen asks, intrigued.

Jared brushes his hair back from his face. “Well, not here. But yeah, back in Texas. My cousin has a ranch. I used to help him with the foals, training and stuff. He sold me one for a steal. I couldn’t bring her with me right away, but I have plans to bring her up here eventually. Now I’m glad I left her there. If I had her at a paid facility with this quarantine going on I’d be worried she might not be well taken care of. Mark’s got her at the ranch, though, so I know she’s living well.”

“What’s her name?” Jensen asks.

Jared hesitates for a moment and then huffs out a laugh, like he’s laughing at himself. “Freya.”

“So was it the Marvel movies?” Jensen is curious. 

“No. I’ve loved Thor and Norse mythology since I was a kid. I’ve always been a nerd,” Jared says, and shrugs.

“I’ve always wanted to learn how to ride a horse,” Jensen confesses. 

“You’ve never ridden one?” Jared seems genuinely shocked. “Jensen, you’re from Texas.”

Jensen laughs. “I know, right? But no. Never by myself anyway.”

Jared sets his mouth in a firm line, his eyes determined. “That’s it then, as soon as this quarantine is over, we’re going horseback riding, and I’m going to teach you.”

Jensen is thrilled by the idea. “That would be amazing.”

“And romantic,” Jared says with a quick wink and a grin. “Don’t forget romantic.”

“That, too,” Jensen agrees, smiling. “You’re too good to me,” Jensen tells him.

“No,” Jared says, correcting him. “I’m just as good as you deserve.”

He sits there, just looking at Jared for a long moment, everything inside him content and happy, and then he shakes his head in wonder. “How’d I get so lucky?” he asks Jared, truly wondering. 

Jared smiles back, dreamy quality lingering in his eyes. “I was just wondering the same thing.” 

He’s so adorable and amazing and _hot_ , like rainbows and sex and warm chocolate chip cookies, and if anyone else could see them or even hear them right now they’d probably be puking just listening to them, and Jensen would still be smiling and not giving a damn.

“We’re ridiculous. You know that?” It’s more of a statement than a question, and Jensen can’t help grinning fondly as he says it. 

“And yet I can’t bring myself to care.” Jared grins back and shrugs, leaning forward and putting his elbows on the desk.

‘Me neither,” Jensen says, leaning closer to the camera, too.

They look at each other in silence for a few seconds, Jensen just basking in the glow of Jared’s existence.

“Oh,” Jared says, like he just remembered something. “My groceries came in this morning. I’m making cream cheese chicken for dinner.”

“You’re really going to do it?” Jensen asks, feeling slightly proud.

“I am.” Jared nods. “I might not even burn the kitchen down. As long as you help supervise me,” he adds, raising his brows at Jensen.

Jensen chuckles and then nods. “You’ve got it. We can cook together.”

“What are you making tonight?”

“Nothing too crazy. Just meatloaf, mashed potatoes and peas. I’m going to make a lot though, so I don’t have to cook dinner every night this week.”

“So what should we do until then?” Jared asks. “You wanna finish watching the rest of the Japan episodes?”

“Yeah. Let’s swing by the zoo first, though. I want to see if there’s an announcement about the cheetahs being pregnant.”

“Okay,” Jared agrees.

There’s no announcement about the cheetahs, and well, it's only been a few days. But one of the pandas is in their den, lying on their side, playing with a squeaky toy between its paws. Its reactions to the funny sounds it’s making are hysterical, and they spend a good five minutes laughing while watching. After that, the panda seems to grow bored, abandoning the toy and lumbering off, and they switch to the Black-footed Ferret cam. Two of the ferrets are using each other as chew toys, rolling over each other again and again as they play, and it’s enjoyable to watch until they, too, seem to grow bored and leave their den for parts unknown.

The cheetahs are lying about in the tall grass outside, not doing anything in particular, and the rest of the animals are nowhere to be seen. After checking all the cameras, they switch over to watching Queer Eye, finishing the last two episodes. They talk for a while after that, about this and that, and eventually Jensen is prompted to ask something he’s been wondering about.

“Do you like reading?”

“I used to read a lot when I was a kid. Not so much as an adult. Although I have been thinking about re-reading some things now that we’re in quarantine.”

“What kind of books do you like?”

“When I was a kid I read a lot of fairy tales, Shel Silverstein, Dr. Seuss, stuff like that. In grade school I was more into mythology. Oh, and horse stories.”

“You were a horse girl?” Jensen asks, delighted.

“I was,” Jared says, and laughs. “Black Beauty, Lost Horse, all the Mountain Pony books, Gypsy from Nowhere, that whole series a bunch of times. Anything I could find, honestly. Pretty sure my mom thought I was gay as a child.” Jared shrugs. “She was half right,” he adds, and laughs. And then, “What do you like to read?”

“I’m not a big reader these days, either,” Jensen admits. “I used to read a lot of wolf stories when I was a kid. Wolves and dogs. Call of the Wild, Snow Dog, anything I could find, like you with horses. These days I love pretty much anything sci-fi or fantasy. I love most of Stephen King’s stuff, so horror, too, I guess. I’ve tried reading some of the classics, but there are only a couple I’ve actually enjoyed.” He pauses, then says, “I only asked because I was thinking if we get bored watching stuff, we could read to each other.”

“Oh, I love that idea.” Jared seems enthusiastic. “Maybe we could do that tonight instead of watching a movie before bed?”

“Sounds good.” Jensen smiles, enjoying Jared’s obvious pleasure in the idea. 

After that, they start a Community rewatch, and they have to pause constantly to discuss their favorite character moments and jokes, how clever and meta it was, way ahead of its time, and before they know it, it’s way past lunch time, Jensen stomach beginning to growl.

They agree to grab a small lunch since they’re going to be cooking in a few hours. Jensen gets up first, and on a whim, half as a joke, he strips off his shirt as he walks away from the camera, giving Jared full view of his bare back. He can hear Jared’s sharp intake of breath over the mic, and he looks back over his shoulder, shooting Jared a quick wink before he exits the room.

He’s still grinning when he gets to the kitchen and puts his shirt back on, Jared’s wide, lust-filled eyes imprinted into his memory.

“So what was that about?” Jared asks when they sit back down.

“You’re not the only one who can be a tease,” Jensen tells him with a smirk, and Jared laughs.

They make dinner separately together, Jensen helping Jared out when he seems to stumble on parts of the recipe. Jared also pauses from time to time to watch Jensen pulling together his meatloaf, and they both have a few beers while cooking, taking time to just chat while their respective food is in their respective ovens.

They eat together, and Jensen gets way too much pleasure out of the sounds Jared makes as he eats his cream cheese chicken. The way his eyelashes flutter and he moans and groans, the strength of his jaw as he chews, the line of his throat as he swallows. He’s so captivated he almost forgets to eat his own food, and his mashed potatoes (homemade of course) are barely warm by the time he remembers to start.

The clean up separately together, Jensen doing the dishes and talking over the volume of running water as he does so. They finally settle back in, each with a fresh beer, and watch some more Community until it starts getting late. Jensen gets the rest of his bedding from the dryer and puts his bed back together as Jared watches on, and then he changes his clothes off camera again, only pulling on the same pajama pants he’d worn last night.

They slide into bed together, chests bare, and Jensen has to bite down hard at the sight of the expanse of Jared’s naked chest. He wants very badly to put his hands all over that naked skin, feel the landscape of the muscles just beneath, the way Jared’s heartbeat would quicken, his lungs drawing breath more quickly, press kisses along his collarbone, down between his pecs, nip the buds of Jared’s brown nipples between his teeth, suckling them and teasing. Feel and hear the sounds Jared would make in response, smell the scent of his skin and sweat, feel his warmth and the way he would shiver. His mouth fairly waters with just the idea.

Jared looks like he’s having similar thoughts, but Jensen knows damned well neither one of them is going to want to do anything but sleep after they have sex, and Jensen had promised Jared earlier that he’d read something to him. Jensen isn’t going to go back on that promise.

He pulls his mind back to the present, clearing his throat. “So I picked a shorter book to start with,” Jensen explains, opening the book against his chest.

“I’ve never read this one,” Jared tells him, and Jensen smiles, turning the page and beginning to read.

“Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy.”

Both of them snuggled comfortably in their beds, Jensen reads for about an hour, pausing to sip water now and then. Every time he glances up, he sees Jared’s face, watching with rapt attention, and it’s completely adorable. By the time Jensen’s drawing to the end of the chapter he plans to stop on tonight, Jared is curled up on his side in bed, arms wrapped around the pillow beneath his head, laptop sitting on his bed.

Jensen finishes reading the last sentence of the chapter and closes the book. “I think that’s all I’ve got in me for tonight.”

Jared looks disappointed. “I’m dying to know what happens next.”

“Patience,” Jensen tells him with a smile. “I’ll read you some more tomorrow.”

“Fine,” Jared says and sighs, long-sufferingly. He repositions himself in his bed, rolling over onto his back and stacking his pillow behind him before he leans back, laptop balanced on his belly. The view Jensen has is delectable, and he wastes no time in admiring it.

“For the record,” Jared says, “I could listen to your voice for hours. I mean, the story is great, I love it, but honestly you could read me your grocery list and I’d be enthralled.” Jared glances down at the corner of his screen then, frowning slightly. “Damn. It’s getting late. And we have to work tomorrow.”

Jensen nods, disappointed, too.

“This weekend has been wonderful, Jensen. I want you to know that.” Jared’s expression is sleepy, but he’s still beaming with sunshine and happiness. “I only wish I could have been with you, instead.”

“If you’d been here, we’d never have made it out of bed today.” Jensen chuckles.

“Mmm,” Jared hums, like he’s thinking about it and finding the idea lovely. “You know,” Jared says, conversational. “Sometimes I forget we’re in quarantine. Like, most of the time, honestly, when we’re together. There’s still that shadow, hovering at the outside edge of my awareness, but it’s like…” Jared makes a gesture with his arm, throwing his hand off camera to one side. “Over there.” 

Jared brings his arm back into frame, settling it against his bare chest. “I still feel it, but it’s not as intense. Even when I’m not talking to you, it kind of feels that way. I’m aware things are fucked up, but it doesn’t hit quite as hard as it did before.” Jared’s teeth scrape against the pink of his lower lip. “Just because of you.”

Jensen spends way too long staring at Jared’s teeth, thinking about the way they’d dragged against his lower lip, and then he nods, reaching for words. “When I woke up this morning, I was…” He stops, realizing what he’s about to say. And then he takes a breath, says it anyway. “I was so happy. I forgot about quarantine. I forgot all of this was even happening. I was…” Jensen huffs out a breath, corner of his mouth curving in a smile. “I was thinking about you. And… last night.”

Jared grins, catching his tongue between his teeth, looking down at his keyboard. “Yeah. I might have thought about last night a little bit, too, this morning.” He pulls in a breath and then breaks into a full laugh. “Maybe a little bit more in the shower.”

Jensen feels shock run through him, electricity coursing from his chest to his face, cheeks tingling, through his arms to his fingertips, down the center of his stomach straight to his cock, length twitching against the confines of his pajama pants. “You…” Jensen pauses, tongue running out over his lips. “You were thinking about me in the shower?”

And Jared, Jared just looks up at him, full on, eye to eye, and smirks. “Pretty much every day since I met you.”

Fuck. That’s… so incredibly hot _and_ sweet at the same time. “I may have done a bit of thinking about you in the shower, yesterday,” Jensen admits. 

“What were you thinking about?” Jared asks, voice low and breathless.

Jensen hesitates, unsure how much he should say, and he feels a little bashful about sharing all of his thoughts, but only a little. They’d done a bit of dirty talking last night, after all. Of course, he hadn’t been looking directly at Jared when they’d done it. 

“If you don’t feel comfortable...” Jared says.

Jensen cuts him off before he can finish the sentence, taking a deep breath and making the leap.

“About turning you around, pushing you up against the shower wall, sinking into you from behind. About how you’d feel, the sounds you’d make.”

“That is so hot,” Jared murmurs in a heated undertone. His eyes seem darker, filled with heat and want, and Jensen feels encouraged to continue, wants to see Jared get even more worked up.

“I had one hand gripping your hair, the other one grabbing your hip, fucking into you, so hot and tight around my cock, your lips pressed up against the tiles while you moaned my name.”

“Oh my God, Jensen,” Jared utters the words like a curse. “I’m so hard right now just _listening_ to you.”

Jensen’s heart is beating loud and fast in his chest, blood pumping through his veins, making him hard. The rapturous look on Jared’s face is like a divine meal and Jensen wants to devour every second of it. 

“Do you…” Jensen licks his lips, takes a breath and tries again. “Do you want to touch yourself?”

Jared’s eyes flicker to his with mild surprise, lust-glazed and wanton. “I want to,” Jared assures him, voice filled with heat. “But are you sure?”

Jensen nods slowly. “Do it.”

Jared’s teeth tug at his lower lip, and Jensen can see him reach down, can tell the moment Jared’s hand closes around his cock from the way his shoulders tense, the way his eyelids flicker. He can see the muscles in Jared’s arm flex as he strokes up the shaft. “Jensen,” he whispers, dragging the word out in a hiss of pleasure. “God… I can imagine it… the way you’d look… the way you’d feel…”

“God,” Jensen breathes. “You are so hot.”

“Do you want me to turn the camera, so you can see?” Jared asks, voice gritty.

Part of him really does, but he’s more interested in other things right now. “I want to see you naked. It wrecks me, just thinking about seeing you naked. But what gets to me more than that? Is seeing your face while you’re touching yourself, thinking about me.”

“Jesus, Jensen.” Jared shivers like he’s cold.

“I want to see your face,” Jensen practically purrs, sliding one hand down between his own legs, palming against the rock hard length of his cock.

Jared moves, putting the laptop on the pillow next to his head, turning over onto his left side so he’s facing the camera. Jensen’s left with a perfect view of his face, and of his upper arm and shoulder as it moves, Jared jerking himself nice and slow. It’s extremely intimate, maybe a little too intimate, but it doesn’t feel awkward. It feels _incendiary_. 

Jensen follows Jared’s example, mimicking Jared’s movements until he’s lying on his left side, laptop on the pillow in front of his face, and then he reaches down, gripping his cock in his fist, hissing in a breath of sudden pleasure at the sensation of friction.

Jared reacts to the sound, to the expression on Jensen’s face, crying out with a low moan, his body shaking as he thrusts into his own hand. “God I wish I was there,” Jared breathes out the words in a heated rush, breath hitching in his chest as he strokes his dick. “Wanna… feel you inside me… so bad.”

Jensen yanks hard against his cock, hips twisting into the feel as he imagines it. “You want me to fuck you, Jared?” Jensen demands, the words delicious and slightly shocking as they leave him. 

“God yes.” Jared’s eyelashes flutter like butterflies, eyes rolling upward, teeth biting down against his lower lip, and it’s criminal, the sounds he’s making, grunting and groaning, muscles in his arm flexing as he strokes himself, long and slow. Sweat beading on his forehead, rolling slowly down his face, eyes hazy and unfocused as he tries to look at Jensen. Mouth pinked with need, lips parted as he pants.

“I’d fuck you so deep and hard,” Jensen promises, hips shuddering as he fucks into his hand with sharp strokes. “Feel your hot ass, squeezing my cock so tight, you loving every second of it. The way you’d moan and clench down around me when you came.”

“Jensen,” Jared gasps, making his name into a prayer, the sound of his voice hitting a pleasure center in Jensen’s brain.

Jensen sucks in a breath, hips carrying him through the tight fist of his hand, taking him right to the edge, muscles in his belly quivering, tightening, fingers squeezing beneath the crown. “Are you gonna come?” he demands.

“Fuck. Yes…” Jared moans the words, voice wrecked and jagged, his arm moving fast now, jerking himself with the audible sound of skin to skin, and Jensen holds the moment of his own orgasm on the verge, fingers still squeezed around his cock, unmoving as he watches the rapture on Jared’s face.

Beautiful boy, so sexy, muscles in his neck straining, breath caught in his chest, whole body going stiff before jerking raggedly, spine arching forward as he gasps, eyes flying wide. Cries and whimpers torn from his throat as he shakes and twists against the bed, hips losing their rhythm, hand slowing as he comes, and Jensen can imagine it all too easily, the pearly lines of come streaking Jared’s belly.

He strokes down the length of his cock, coming almost instantly inside his pajama pants, body jerking and writhing, pleasure rising up from his balls, coursing up the line of his cock, teeth biting down against his lower lip so hard it hurts, and that only adds to the sensation, winding him up like the expressions of ecstasy on Jared’s face. He forces himself to keep his eyes open, locked on Jared’s face, the pinkness of his open mouth, the shock of sensation written into every line of his face, the glassy euphoria in his eyes, and fuck he’s so beautiful, so sexy and gorgeous and amazing and Jensen’s orgasm hits him extra hard with the next pulse, spattering his belly with wet slickness, leaving him gasping and struggling for air.

He rides it to the end, cock twitching weakly against his hand, panting hard and sweating against his sheets, aftershocks shivering through him like tiny earthquakes. Jared has collapsed against his pillow, spent, his face glowing and sweaty, lips dark pink with arousal, one eye staring up at Jensen, other buried in the pillow.

Jensen goes limp, relaxing into the bed with a sated sigh.

Jared lifts his head, snuggling his face against the pillow so Jensen can see both his eyes again. “You are so hot,” Jared tells him, voice still shaky.

“So are you,” Jensen replies, meaning it.

“No, I mean you’re _hot_ ,” Jared says, emphatic. “Like guys wolf whistling, slapping their knees, tongues rolling out, steam coming out of their ears, eyes popping out of their sockets, _hot_.”

Jensen can visualize Jared’s words perfectly, and the image he sees is straight out of cartoons he’d seen as a child. “Did you just… describe me in cartoon character measurements of hot?”

“It’s accurate,” Jared affirms with a chuckle.

Jensen laughs, low and rumbling, and shakes his head. It’s maybe the highest compliment anyone has ever paid him, and also the strangest. “You’re adorable,” Jensen tells him, smiling. He’s also the most beautiful, wonderful thing Jensen’s ever known, and he doesn’t think he could ever get tired of Jared, always hungry for more of him.

“Hang on a second,” Jensen says. Without moving too much, he manages to slip off his pajama bottoms, wiping himself as clean as he can before rolling them up so the slick mess of come is contained in the center, and then he carefully lets it fall to the floor. His belly is still a bit sticky, as is his softening cock, but at least he won’t have to wash all his bedding tomorrow.

He catches a glimpse of a towel in Jared’s hand before Jared tosses it off camera.

“You brought a towel?” Jensen asks, admiring. “That’s so smart. I’m totally doing that next time.”

“Mmhmm,” Jared hums, his eyelids heavy, serene smile on his lips. “God, I feel good,” he remarks and stretches a little before settling back down against the bed, and Jensen watches his every movement, filled with warmth and affection and something that almost feels too big to hold in his chest.

“Ready to sleep?” Jensen asks, voice gentle.

Jared nods, cheek rubbing against the pillow. “I don’t want to go, though.”

“Me neither,” Jensen admits. 

“We could leave our laptops on,” Jared suggests. “Put them on the nightstand. It would be kind of like sleeping together.”

The idea strikes Jensen as strange, but then he thinks, it really is the closest they can get to sleeping together right now. He considers the practicality of the idea. “Mine will turn off after an hour or so and disconnect the meeting.”

“Mine, too.” Jared nods. “But we can be together for a little while.”

“Okay,” Jensen agrees. He’d remembered to plug his laptop in tonight, so he doesn’t have to worry about it dying. He puts it on the nightstand as Jared does the same, and they’re a little farther apart, but still together. They both smile at each other, and Jensen feels it again; that too big feeling in his chest.

“Night, Jensen.”

“Night, Jared.”

Jensen watches as Jared closes his eyes, gaze lingering on Jared’s face for a few more seconds before his own eyes slip closed. He feels good, full and calm and blissful, and sleep beckons to him almost immediately.

He can almost feel Jared’s presence next to him through the screen, and it's more comforting than he could have imagined. The sound of Jared’s deep, even breathing is soothing, and he falls asleep listening to it, smile on his lips.


	10. Quarantine Day 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am moving this week, and it's a lot of work and very sudden, so I didn't think I'd be able to get this chapter posted. But I felt like you guys deserved it. 💖 Love you guys

MONDAY (again)

Jensen’s alarm wakes him, and he’s reaching for it, still half asleep, eyes barely open, when he thinks of Jared. He looks at the laptop at his bedside before his fingers fully grasp his phone, a little sad to see that the screen is dark. He’d expected that though, and pretty much nothing can burst the warm bubble inside him. He shuts off his alarm and falls back against the bed, lying there with his phone clasped between his hands against his chest, staring at the ceiling with a smile. He just lies there for a minute or two, enjoying the feeling inside him, the way he sighs contentedly, feeling at peace with everything.

He wonders if Jared is awake yet, and considers for a moment, smile tugging into a smirk as he pulls up the camera on his phone, snapping a picture of himself from the waist up. He sends it off after a momentary inspection, deciding his bed-head lends some charm to it, and adds a text that says, _Thinking of you_.

Jared doesn’t answer right away--probably he’s working out, Jensen thinks and grimaces, deciding maybe he should do some of that himself, before he really does start losing his muscle tone. 

He puts on some music, does a short routine with his weights, and then hurries through his shower, hesitating before pulling a pale blue button-up shirt from his closet. Button-ups help keep him in a work mindset, and with so little dividing his home life from work these days, the small distinctions are important. Plus, he really does need to focus on work, however much he’d love to spend another day goofing off with Jared.

He logs into the meeting, coffee in hand, to find Jared greeting him with a playful smile.

“You didn’t check your phone, did you?” Jared asks with a grin.

Jensen tilts his head at Jared, and then reaches for his phone, pulling up Jared’s text window. There’s a response to the picture Jensen had sent, which is a string of fire emojis ending in a skull and crossbones and a coffin. Which, while funny, seems a little underwhelm--

Jensen scrolls down and almost drops his phone.

There’s a photo of Jared, his upper body slightly turned to catch his reflection in the mirror, long back bare down to the white towel hanging dangerously low around his hips. He’s gripping it against one hip, towel slung at an angle, material draping down across the left side of his ass, angling even lower across the right, edge curving right up against the bottom swell and leaving the majority of it exposed. It’s deliciously muscular, round and firm, tanned as the rest of him, and the sight of it sends shocks through Jensen like fireworks, cock twitching against the confines of his jeans. Jared’s face is turned profile in the picture, but Jensen can still see the smirk on his lips, following it to that long neck, down the long dip of his spine to the divots just above his ass and lower, to the ripe, round curve of it. 

And underneath the photo, the words: _Wish you were here_.

Jensen’s mouth is bone dry, his brain reduced to jelly. Jared is hotter than fire, dead sexy and apparently in possession of the most superb ass known to mankind.

“What the hell, Jared?” he manages to murmur, voice faint.

“Was it too much?” Jared sounds contrite, a little worried maybe. Jensen can hear it in his voice but he can’t see it in Jared’s face because his eyes are glued to the picture on his phone. 

With an effort, Jensen forces himself to look up and meet Jared’s eyes. His hands are shaking a little and his cock is more than half-hard. He feels a lot like the cartoon character Jared had described last night; smoke coming out of his ears, tongue on the floor, slapping his knee, heart beating out of his chest.

“I thought it would be fun. You know, sexy fun.” Jared definitely looks worried, frowning, and that’s not what Jensen wants, not at all.

“It’s not too much,” Jensen says, forcing himself to get a grip. “I mean... It _is_. It’s driving me absolutely insane right now so if that was your intention then good work. But it’s too much in a good way.”

“Oh.” Jared's mouth curves in a smile, and then broadens into a grin. His eyes are twinkling with amusement and a hint of mischief. “Okay, that’s the reaction I was hoping for.”

“You are evil,” Jensen condemns him, shaking his head with a rueful smirk.

Jared preens, and Jensen can’t help but laugh.

“You know we have to work today?” Jensen asks, rhetorical.

“I know. But now you have something to think about all day.” Jared’s practically beaming, tongue caught between his teeth as he smiles.

“You are unbelievable,” Jensen tells him, shaking his head. “So you wanna torture me now?”

Jared sits forward and laces his hands together, giving Jensen his full attention. “I don’t know. Would you enjoy it?” he asks, his tone suggestive, eyes leering, Jared playing it up comically.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Jensen throws back, teasing, and then he laughs. 

“Actually I would,” Jared assures him. “That’s why I asked.” He’s still grinning, and he’s playful, but he’s not kidding.

Jensen bites down against the inside of his cheek around a smile. “I think I’d enjoy ‘torturing’ you more.”

“Mmm,” Jared hums, pleased and thoughtful. “I think I’d enjoy that more, too,” he tells Jensen, almost confidential as he leans closer to the camera with a smirk.

Jensen bites down harder against the inside of his cheek, smile growing wider as he shakes his head. Jared is going to make him lose his mind if they keep this up, and it’s way too early in the day to be this sidetracked.

Still… there’s one thing that needs remarking on. Jensen glances down at his phone again, appreciating the lines and curves of Jared’s body. “You’re gorgeous, you know that, right?” Jensen asks, looking back up.

“I’m glad you think so.” Jared breaks eye contact, hair falling forward across his cheek.

“Don’t play coy,” Jensen tells him with a grin. “You know you are.”

Jared tosses his hair back and laughs. “Whatever I think, it’s still great to know _you_ think so. Your opinion means a lot.”

“I feel the same way,” Jensen confesses.

“Good,” Jared says and smiles. 

God, he’s so beautiful, so singular, from the warm sunshine of his heart to his playful spirit and his wicked sexiness. Everything between them feels bright and vibrant, so alive. Only a week ago the world felt like a gray, washed out photocopy of a photocopy. 

Funny, how much difference a week makes.

“What are you thinking about?” Jared asks, tilting his head at Jensen.

Jensen has a lot of thoughts, actually, thoughts that have been building beneath the surface for a while now, unspoken but still felt. Some of them he doesn’t fully understand, beyond the feelings they cause, but others he does, and he takes a moment to gather them together.

“I was thinking… everything out there…” Jensen gestures in a vague direction at the rest of the world, “is still a nightmare hellscape. And I’m lucky I don’t have to leave the house, lucky to still have a job. I know I’d still be all messed up, staying up too late watching shows, biting my nails while I scrolled through social media, feeling the emptiness of being alone pushing down on me. I can’t even imagine how I would have spent this weekend, if it weren’t for you. Out there is scary, and uncertain, but inside it’s warm, and I have you.” 

That doesn’t seem like quite enough, no matter how bright Jared’s smile is, and Jensen thinks for a moment.

“I was thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life,” Jensen sums up, honest.

“Still planning on keeping me around for the rest of it?” Jared asks. Jensen doesn’t understand how such a large man can look so sweet and vulnerable. 

Jensen bites at his lower lip, and it feels like too much to say yes, to tell the truth, but he says it anyway. He owes it to Jared to be that honest. “If you’ll let me.”

“Just try and get rid of me,” Jared says, beaming. And then he pauses, as if thinking, before he says, “I think that’s the most words you’ve ever said to me at once.”

“I told you I was a gusher if you get to know me,” Jensen says, and grins

“Yeah.” Jared nods slowly, seeming serious for an instant. “I kinda didn’t buy into that,” he adds, laughing.

Jensen laughs too, feeling light and good, lucky and blessed. Jared is beautiful--inside and out--funny, kind, genuine and caring, sitting here in front of Jensen, laughing with him, looking at Jensen like he only has eyes for him.

“I’d still want you in my life even if we weren’t…” Jensen doesn’t know where that came from, doesn’t even like to consider that, so he leaves that sentence where it is, starting a new one. “Even if something ever happened between us.”

“I don’t plan on ever letting anything happen between us,” Jared tells him in all sincerity, a strident tone in his voice. He’s so certain; as if their relationship were sacrosanct, something to be revered. As if to consider anything else would be madness.

It speaks to their future; it speaks of the rest of their lives. It’s a huge declaration. Jensen is aware of that. And it should scare him--he’s aware of that, too. It does, in point of fact, scare him. But fear is on so deep a level, layered so low beneath everything else he’s feeling, that it might as well not exist except to add to his exhilaration.

“I don’t plan on ever letting anything happen between us, either,” Jensen tells him, just as certain, just as sincere.

He feels alive, and beautiful and… cared for. Like he’s important, and he matters. Like he’s found the one person in all the world that actually gets him and appreciates him and enjoys him like no one else ever has. He feels special. And if it’s not too crazy (like anything about this isn’t), he feels like maybe he’s found his place in the world.

Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?

His phone dings gently with the sound of an email arriving, and he wants to ignore it, wishes he could, but even in quarantine, life apparently goes on, and it’s probably Jeff, anyway.

Jensen breathes out a contented sigh, gazing at Jared. He really could just sit here all day, staring at Jared, slack-jawed and stupidly happy over Jared’s very existence, but they do have things they need to get done today.

“We should probably get to work,” Jensen says, regretful.

Jared sighs heavily, then nods a few times, his hair bobbing with the motion. “Yeah. We probably should.”

Jensen nods, too, knowing that makes sense, but he’s not sure how to put his thoughts in order and actually start working when Jared’s just _there,_ on his monitor, looking incredibly attractive and… 

And like everything Jensen’s ever wanted.

The thought swells, filling his heart and mind with joy, voice in the back of his mind whispering ‘too much’, and ‘too soon’.

It’s never happened this fast for Jensen before, and it’s never happened quite like this before. He’s never felt so connected to someone, so certain of their compatibility, so completely head over heels. Yes, it’s probably too soon, but so what? Besides, they’ve probably crammed three months of knowing each other into this past week. All they’ve done is talk and get to know each other, every moment they’ve been awake.

He pushes the voice away. Maybe it is too much, too soon, but if it is, then let it be.

“Now what are you thinking?” Jared asks, teeth digging into his lower lip.

“I was just wondering… How long have we known each other now?” Jensen asks, teasing.

Jared huffs out a laugh. “I don’t know.” He sweeps his hair back from his face and shrugs. “Like a year?” Jared considers and then nods, emphatic. “Definitely like a year.” He pauses again and then squints at Jensen. “How long has it been since last Monday? That’s a year, right?”

Jensen laughs, unable to help himself. “I was thinking like three months. Or maybe seven years.”

Jared tilts his head, eyes warm, soul wide open as he smiles. “Feels like forever.”

“For me, too,” Jensen confesses, smiling back.

There’s a long pause, the two of them looking at one another, contemplative and adoring, and then Jared cocks his head, corner of his mouth tugging in a smirk.

“I’ve got an idea for a date later tonight,” Jared tells him.

“What?” Jensen asks, leaning forward, eyes narrowed with playful suspicion. 

“It’s a surprise.” Jared winks, and that’s always enough to make Jensen’s stomach swoop a little bit.

“Fine.” Jensen huffs out a long suffering sigh, rolling his eyes and then smiling.

Jared breathes out hard through his nose and then nods once. “Okay. If we don’t start working now, we’re never going to.”

“You’re right,” Jensen agrees. His chair creaks as he leans forward, looking at his keyboard with determination as he tries to shift into work mode. 

“Where the hell did we even leave off?” Jensen asks after a moment. “Friday was like a million years ago.”

Jared laughs in delight and then agreement, both of them struggling for a bit to find their place and get back into the groove of things.

After a while, they do settle in, each of them focusing on their own part of the work. They don’t mute their mics anymore, and Jensen can hear every move Jared makes, though he tries to make that part of his focus as he sinks deeper into coding. It tugs at him though, pulling him back, keeping him from going all the way into ‘code demon’ mode. 

It isn’t the awareness of Jared’s presence. That, he finds comfort in. It’s something else. Something that dances just beyond his awareness.

The picture Jared had sent earlier and the words, _Wish you were here_ keep running through his mind, distracting him. He tries to push them aside, fingers tapping against the keyboard, but still they linger, clinging to him like the remnants of dreams do, sometimes, unwilling to let go.

They break for lunch, Thor pawing at the camera for Jensen’s attention until Jensen talks to him, telling him what a good boy he is. Beautiful golden face alongside an even more beautiful tanned one, and their eyes are the same, filled with warmth and adoration and joy. How is he supposed to withstand this kind of assault? Synchronized puppy dog eyes are completely unfair.

“I’ll miss you,” Jensen says, meaning it. “Both,” he adds, looking at Thor.

Thor woofs and Jared smiles, and they go their separate ways to eat their lunches.

Jensen has music playing as he makes his lunch, grilled cheddar cheese on wheat and canned tomato soup, nodding along to the beat as he stirs the pot. There’s a pause and then a new song begins, this one familiar and beloved. Bright, shiny song, keyboards and guitar almost too happy, like something out of the 80s.

Jensen loves this song. He loves pretty much everything by The 1975, but this one hits his pleasure centers a little harder than the rest. He knows why it sounds this way; he knows it’s about heroin, which is honestly hysterical, because just about every song he’s ever looked up the meaning to, people have sworn up and down it’s about drugs, most specifically heroin. But this one actually is. The lead singer admitted as much in interviews.

_And all I do is sit and think about you_

_If I knew what you'd do_

_Collapse my veins wearing beautiful shoes_

_It's not living if it's not with you_

He knows it’s about heroin, but it’s also a perfect metaphor for a relationship, and he’s always listened to it in that light. It’s incredibly upbeat, and he’s occasionally wondered just how similar heroin and love are for the lyrics to be so interchangeable. Too similar, he guesses. Scarily similar.

_I can't stop sweating or control my feet_

_Got a twenty-stone monkey that I just can't beat_

_I can stage a situation, but I just can't eat_

_And there's a feeling, you're replacin' embracin'_

_It's true that_

_All I do is sit and think about you_

Jensen takes his grilled cheese and soup to the kitchen table, sitting down to eat, the song playing out to its end, and it still hits his happy place, but he’s distracted. Staring out the window, thinking about the words, _Wish you were here_ , their meaning scattered somewhere between the lyrics.

*

It isn't Jensen’s most productive work day, but they get through it well enough, knocking off shortly after Jensen’s alarm sounds. He feels momentarily guilty for being so relieved the day is over, but that goes away pretty quickly once he and Jared can focus on each other again.

“So tell me about this date,” Jensen says, relaxing into his chair, hands cupped behind his head, hips tilted at an angle against the computer desk chair.

Jared’s eyes rake over him once, down his body and back up to his eyes, teeth flashing against his lower lip before he seems to focus. “Sorry. Just had to take in the scenery.”

Jensen smirks and cants his hips a little harder to the side, arching his spine a fraction.

“Jesus,” Jared breathes and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. 

“All right,” Jensen says, relenting as he sits up straighter, stretching his arms over his head before he leans forward, elbows resting against the desk. He places his chin in his hands, looking directly at Jared. “I’ll behave.”

“I wish you wouldn’t,” Jared says, heartfelt, meeting his eyes.

“It wasn’t my first choice,” Jensen confides. “But you did say you had plans.”

“Yeah.” Jared nods, muscle flexing in his jaw as he seems to deliberate. “Plans.” He nods more emphatically.

Jensen watches him, waiting.

“So stick with me here,” Jared goes on. And then, “It’s a little out of the ordinary.”

*

It’s dark outside by the time Jensen walks to his front door.

He’s overcome by that same bizarre sense of wrongness, as he opens it. It’s quiet outside, even more quiet than the daytime had been last time he’d gone outside.

“I’m never going to get used to this,” he mutters, shifting his laptop carefully in his hands.

“I hope we never have to,” Jared says

At least there aren’t any people, he thinks, and forces himself to walk through the doorway. The close of the wooden door behind him seems too loud, and he doesn’t much like it at all. He feels vulnerable and unsafe, open and exposed, night air too close against him, caressing his face, flowing through his hair. 

Strange, he thinks, how he wouldn’t even have noticed the way it felt two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, the wind would have barely registered, and he would have walked to his picnic table without a second thought. Now, it feels like a study in self discipline.

But it’s quiet, and the streets are silent, and he starts to feel more sure of himself as he walks to the table. Laptop held between his hands, he glances around, taking stock of the streets, finding them empty, and then plants one bare foot against the wooden bench seat, stepping up.

Jensen sits on his picnic table beneath the stars, laptop balanced on his knees, staring up at the sky. The early-April breeze is cool, ruffling through his hair, moon just starting to rise, and all around him the city is quiet. No traffic, no voices, just the quiet hum of electrical lines between streetlights. It’s odd, to be outside in this city and not be surrounded by noise of some kind. DC isn’t New York by any stretch, but it has its own rhythms and sounds.

It’s unnatural, a reminder of how weird the world is right now. It’s also--strangely--kind of nice, to be outside, alone with Jared.

“It’s so pretty,” Jared says. “The stars aren’t nearly as bright as they are in Texas--well, parts of Texas. But they’re still pretty.”

Jensen smiles, looking down at Jared’s face, and thinks, _You’re pretty_. But all he says is, “It is.”

They smile at each other, and for a moment, it’s gratifying, knowing they’re under the same stars together.

“So my idea,” Jared says, shifting on his patio chair, “was to tour the National Gallery of Art. I’ve never been there, and I really want to go. I had plans to do it when I moved up there. I mean, I still do, whenever that happens.”

There’s a sensation inside Jensen, a sadness and a longing that he doesn’t understand--and then suddenly he does. The feeling that’s been tugging at Jensen all day suddenly comes to the fore, and when he realizes what it is, it seems so obvious, so simple he can’t believe he didn’t know right away. 

He misses Jared, every minute. Even when they’re together, he misses Jared, deep down on some intrinsic level. He wants Jared here with him, sharing everything at his side instead of two hours away across a computer screen. He’s incredibly happy, but he’s also very sad.

He almost wants to say something about it, but he bites it back at the last minute. It’s been eight days, he has no idea where this thing is going (despite what he feels inside), and it’s not going to do either one of them any good to speculate sadly about how it could be many months before they can see each other face to face. It’s better if they don’t talk about it.

Still, he can all too easily imagine Jared snuggled up next to him on the table, warm, cuddly body and arms wrapped around him, the two of them gazing up at the stars together, and suddenly he feels want like he’s never felt before, sharp and painful in his chest. There’s a sense of strain, of desperation fueling it, as if it’s worse because he knows he can’t have it, doesn’t know when he’ll ever get to have it. 

_That’s not going to help anything._

He knows. But everything in life is so uncertain right now, it doesn’t seem fair that this (which could turn out to be the best thing that’s ever happened to him) has to be so uncertain, too.

“You okay?” Jared asks, drawing him back from the well of his thoughts.

“Yeah.” Jensen summons a smile, focusing on Jared, and feels his worry slip away. However difficult it is being apart, whatever it takes, he’s committed to this, to Jared. 

“We’ll definitely go to the National Gallery when things open back up,” Jensen promises. “I’ve been there a couple of times. We have to go to the Smithsonian Institute, too. The exhibits there are amazing.”

“That’s the one with all the dinosaur skeletons? And the gemstones?” Jared asks, sounding eager.

“Among other things.” Jensen nods.

“Oh, maybe we should do that tour instead.” Jared seems excited by the idea, eyes lit up and face glowing with more than the laptop light, and he’s adorable, like a great big kid.

The urge to indulge that excitement in Jared is overwhelming, and Jensen can’t keep the smile from his face, watching Jared light up from the inside. He feels skewered by sunbeams, and he’s never wanted to make someone happier in all his life, watch that light grow until it’s blinding. 

“Whatever you want,” Jensen tells him, grinning wide. 

Jared grins back, and they lose themselves for a bit, just looking at each other until Jared pulls himself together with a concerted effort, deliberating for a few long minutes before deciding to tour the National Gallery. Jensen’s always been an average admirer of paintings. He’s been to the National Gallery and seen its offerings, and enjoyed them, but he’s never appreciated them the same way Jared seems to. 

They pause for a long time over the self-portrait of Vincent Van Gogh, blues and greens on prominent display, and Jared tells him more about Van Gogh’s life than Jensen had ever known; his madness, his sadness, the way he had painted the world as it had appeared to his eyes, so different than anything else the world had ever seen. 

They tour more paintings, Jared talking about stark lines and bright colors in more modern paintings, the richness of color and shadow in the Renaissance ones, and Jensen is endlessly fascinated. The paintings are beautiful in and of themselves, but knowing the care and technique, and even occasionally the personality that went into them, makes them far more meaningful. He loves Van Gogh, but he discovers a deep appreciation for the Renaissance paintings, for their depth and drama.

But it’s Michelangelo that Jared loves most, sculptures and paintings; it doesn’t seem to matter what form his art takes. Jensen understands, in a way he never did before, why Michelangelo’s work is considered so great.

They don’t visit everything on the tour, Jared’s explanations taking up a lot of their time, but Jensen could honestly listen to him forever, disappointed when Jared finally decides to call the tour to an end.

The night sky is open above them, eyes meeting beneath the stars, linked by paintings and the poetry of sculpture, and Jensen...

Jensen _longs_.

Jensen _wants_.

He bites down hard against the feeling, teeth catching against his tongue. ”Thank you,” he breathes. “For sharing that with me.”

“Thank you for coming with me,” Jared responds, smiling. “It… it meant a lot to me.”

“Me, too,” Jensen replies. “I never knew any of that stuff. How do you know all that, anyway?”

“Because I'm obsessive as hell about anything I’m interested in,” Jared tells him, chuckling. “It’s part of being a nerd.”

“Including me?” Jensen asks, teasing.

“You, most of all,” Jared assures him.

Jensen hadn’t been looking for it, or expecting it; he’d simply been teasing Jared. But Jared’s response kicks him in the stomach like a steel-toed boot kiss.

Gorgeous man, with his sun-kissed skin and lion’s mane of hair, the long stubble punctuating his sharp jawline. And still, his kind eyes and sensitive heart shine through all his beauty, making him even more beautiful.

Jensen’s heart feels too full, stretched too tight. “Do you know that I adore you?” Jensen asks.

“You do?” Jared asks, hesitant, his expression filled with joy and surprise.

“I really do.” Jensen nods, never breaking eye contact.

“God, Jensen,” Jared breathes. “I just… I want to sit here with you all night.”

It’s a mild, beautiful spring night, stars shining bright above, and Jensen could stay here a while. Forever, maybe, if time would just actually stop instead of moving at a snail’s pace.

“It’s getting late though.” Jared takes in a breath, looking down at the bottom corner of his computer screen. His mouth works through disappointment and then resignation. “We do have work tomorrow. We should probably go to bed soon.”

Jensen glances down at the time, and sighs, looking back up at the stars. “I like it here.”

“Don’t tell me you’re enjoying being outside,” Jared gasps, playfully mocking.

Jensen’s mouth twitches, looking back to Jared. “Maybe.”

“I’m glad,” Jared says, smiling. “But I think what’s waiting for you in bed is probably better.”

Jensen feels the words run through his veins like electricity, and he catches his upper lip between his teeth, smiling. “Twist my arm.”

*

There’s no story tonight, book put aside as Jensen slides beneath his comforter, stomach twisting in a knot, because there’s also no question of what they’ve come here to do, both of them falling back against their pillows, shirtless and short of breath. 

Jensen feels giddy, stomach filled with fiery butterflies, emotion and lust tangled together in delicious awareness.

“I’ve been thinking about what I want to do to you all day,” Jensen confesses.

Jared catches his lower lip between his teeth, biting down on it hard before he releases it, eyes going dark with desire. “I wish I was there right now so you could show me.”

And that’s… God, that’s hot, and Jensen wants more than anything to grab Jared around the waist, run a hand through his long, gorgeous hair, pull his head back and kiss him, long, deep and thoroughly. Wants to push him down against the bed and feel the long, hard length of Jared’s muscular body underneath him. Wants to do so very _many_ things… and he can’t…

He can’t do any of them. 

“Fuck, I wanna kiss you right now.” The words roll out of Jensen, filled with raw want and need, low and almost growling, and he swears he can see Jared shiver just the tiniest bit.

“Tell me how you’d kiss me,” Jared pleads, and Jensen doesn’t know how to describe it for a moment.

“I’d slide my hand into your hair, wrap my fingers through the strands and pull you in, mouth crushing against yours. Part my lips and thrust my tongue inside, circling. God, I’d take my time, tasting you, mapping out every ridge on the roof of your mouth, tugging your head back so I could dive deeper.”

“Fuck, Jensen.” Jared bites off the words, and Jensen can tell how turned on he is, feels the same way, his cock rock hard against the comforter, and Jesus, they’re just talking about _kissing_. 

Jared moves the laptop, putting it beside his head on the pillow, and Jensen watches as Jared picks up his phone, taking a moment to angle it just right before he hits the button on the screen.

“I want you to see me,” Jared says, like it’s a confession. “I know it’s not everything, but I want you to see more than just my face.”

Jensen phone dings, and he reaches for it, pulling up Jared’s text screen.

Perfectly carved, gorgeous chest, beautiful abs, rising with just enough definition, dip of a belly button, hair trailing down from there in a thin line to the verge of where his hips begin, hair thicker and darker at the bottom edge of the photo, beginnings of his Adonis belt cut like trenches on both sides, stopping just short of his cock, and fuck, his cock must be turned downward against his thigh, or being held off camera, or else Jensen would be able to see it. Jensen _wants_ to be able to see it.

He’s so beautiful. Chest to abs, even without his face, he’s hot as hell, but as hot as he is, Jensen wants to see his face.

“Are you touching yourself?” Jensen asks, voice low and gritty, shaking more than it should be.

“Just touching,” Jared admits, hissing in a breath. “Not stroking.”

Jensen looks away from his phone, meets Jared’s eyes, filled with heat and want, lower lip trembling with need, and Jensen is stricken, laid low and torn apart by the sheer desire in Jared’s eyes.

“Let me see,” he demands, voice trembling, but firm.

He watches as Jared angles his phone again, takes a picture and sends it through.

Jensen’s phone dings, and he takes a deep breath.

Jared’s cock is huge and hard, tip glistening, caught inside the fist of his hand, squeezing tight, and it’s just as hot as the rest of him, delicious and tantalizing, belly visible, hand turned to the side with the width of his dick caught between.

“You are so gorgeous,” Jensen breathes, eyes flickering up to meet Jared’s.

Jared’s eyelashes flutter, pupils blown wide, gaze focused on Jensen, beads of sweat beginning to form on his forehead.

Jared turns toward the laptop on his pillow, lying on his side, eyes electric. “I need…” he gasps.

“Do it,” Jensen urges.

He can see the muscles in Jared’s shoulder and upper arm move as he jerks himself, and Jensen reaches down, underneath the band of his pajama waist, catching his cock in his fist, stroking hard up to the edge beneath the crown. He’s already so close, Jared’s facial expressions of pleasure sending him right to the verge. 

“God Jensen.” Jared’s words are slurred with passion and need, eyes half-lidded. “Need you so bad,” he gasps, desperate, fisting his cock with abandon. “Need you here right now…” Eyes glazed and urgent, “Fuck, I need your hands all over me, inside me, everywhere.”

It’s brain-meltingly hot, Jared so wanton and frantic, and Jensen feels it, too, the overwhelming need like a physical sensation, so intense it almost hurts, want like a living thing inside him, desperation and despair tangled up in knowing he can’t have what he wants.

“I know, baby,” Jensen whispers, the words slipping out of him before he knows he means to say them. They’re gone and out, no time to call them back or rethink them. 

He strokes up the length of his cock, hissing in a breath, and then squeezes hard, focusing on Jared’s eyes. “Come for me.”

Jared breaks apart, hand jerking so hard, and Jensen can’t see his cock, can’t see the way pearly slick spills across his belly and his bed, but he can see Jared’s face, the way it tenses and crumbles, head tipped back and lips parted, gasping Jensen’s name.

The very sound drags Jensen’s orgasm from him, hand gripping and sliding along the length of his erection, cock twitching and spurting against his belly, spine arching up from the bed, eyes devouring Jared's face, memorizing every moment.

Both of them lost in their pleasure for long moments, Jensen convulsing in upon himself, relaxing back through inches, hips still bucking lightly with release, fingers squeezing the base of his cock, Jared gazing at him through heavy lidded eyes, body rocking weakly into his fist.

He doesn’t understand how it can be this intense, how he can come so hard when Jared’s only on his computer screen. Can only imagine how it would be if Jared were actually here. Jesus, he’s like a teenager, and they haven’t even touched each other yet.

“Fuck,” Jared sighs, his body going boneless.

“Exactly,” Jensen agrees, pulling his hand from his cock, melting into his bed. “You are amazing,” he breathes.

“You slay me,” Jared breathes back.

There are so many things Jensen wants to say, and not a single one of them feels appropriate.

“I think I’m already dead,” Jensen sighs, after a moment.

“Just wait til we get to do this in person,” Jared says, and grins.

Jensen can hardly imagine it.

“Good night, Jensen,” Jared breathes, smiling at him.

“Good night, Jared.”

They both move their laptops to their nightstands, sleepy eyed and smiling at each other.

Jensen’s eyes slip closed, sleep coming to claim him too quickly.

“I adore you,” Jared says, and Jensen wants to respond, but he’s already falling down into darkness.

Even mostly asleep, barely able to speak, there’s one thing he knows. 

He’s had almost half a dozen relationships in his time, and not a single one of them has ever felt like this.


	11. Quarantine Day 14

TUESDAY

Jensen wakes to his dark monitor and smiles, Jared the first thought in his mind. He grimaces a second later, feeling the stiffness of his pajama bottoms. Ugh. Stiff pants sticking to him with dried come; gross. Also, wearing clothes in bed; grosser.

He should have gone to bed naked and brought a towel like he’d planned to last time. But then there’d been Jared right there, being hotter than hellfire, and he’d completely forgotten.

He reaches for his phone, checking it quickly for text messages and turns off his alarm. Nothing from Jared yet, and he decides to postpone messaging Jared until after he cleans up and takes a shower.

He peels out of his pants, making a face as he drops them in the washing machine. He tosses in the fitted sheet and bedsheet with them, the comforter cover dropped in last. He hurries through his shower, but takes his time in front of the mirror. His hair is actually getting some length to it, and he runs a hand through it before dragging a palm across his beard, which is beginning to grow in nicely.

He trims it up and shaves his throat, pausing to inspect himself for a few long moments afterward. He’s actually digging the look a lot more than he thought he would. His hair hasn’t been anything but very short since he was in his early twenties, and despite the crinkles deepening at the corners of his eyes now, it still makes him look a bit younger than he is. The beard keeps him from looking too young, though, which he appreciates.

Back in his room, he chooses his clothes with the usual care, slipping into a pair of jeans and choosing a white button up with thin navy stripes. He’s just about to put on his shirt when his phone rings, startling him.

He grabs it from the nightstand, jeans hanging open and unzipped, chest still bare, and blinks at the screen.

It’s a video call. From Jared.

He answers with a smile, surprised but pleasantly so.

“Good morning,” Jared greets him with a grin, and he looks soft and fuzzy with sleep, hair tousled around his face. 

“Good morning to you, too,” Jensen says, grinning back. “Still in bed?”

“I woke up still thinking about you,” Jared confesses, capturing his pink lower lip between his teeth. He pulls the phone back a bit, and Jensen can see he’s bare-chested, lounging in bed and looking like a long, tanned, muscular dream.

“I may have a bit of a problem,” Jared confides, and then turns the camera, panning down the length of his belly and his beautifully sculpted abs. Down to the trail of hair beneath his belly button, head of his cock glistening wet, fist wrapped around the long, hard length. Jared runs his hand up and down the shaft once, slow and languid, and the fact that his massive hand doesn’t even encompass the length of it  _ does _ things to Jensen.

“Think you could help me out with it?” Jared asks, voice low and breathy, fist squeezing tight to just beneath the crown, thumb flicking across the wet slit.

Jensen stares, swallowing hard, the English language deserting him. The world is filled with words, crammed between the pages of books and written across the internet in concise fonts, words Jensen has spoken his entire life since he was old enough to know how, and right now, this very moment, he can’t remember a single one of them.

The camera turns, panning back up to Jared’s face, his eyes glazed and dark with want, tongue flickering out, tip sweeping across his lower lip as he hisses out a sound of pleasure, hand doing something offscreen Jensen can’t see. His eyes are half-lidded, practically staring at Jensen through his long eyelashes, and his cheeks are flushed pink with arousal, lips an even darker shade.

Jesus. Jared had already used up all the hot in the universe last night--did he take out a loan to get more?

Jensen sits down hard on the edge of his bed, lips parted, jaw hanging slightly open.

“How?” he murmurs, barely aware the word has left him.

“I can think of a few ways you can help,” Jared assures him, voice deep, drenched in sex.

“I meant… how are you even possible?” Jensen asks, shaking his head in wonder. His own cock is pressing hard against the inner seam of his jeans, explosion of sudden want and heat rising up to his belly from between his legs.

Jared groans softly in response, and Jensen can see his shoulder move as he strokes himself. “Stop. Don’t move,” Jensen growls, his brain finally coming back online with a rush. Well, part of his brain, anyway.

Jared stops, obedient, eyes going wide as he stares at Jensen. Jensen sets the phone on the nightstand and gets to his feet, pulling out of his jeans even more quickly than he’d put them on. He picks up the phone, sitting down on the bed and rolling over onto his back, completely naked, cock standing up from his belly, fully erect as he gets a grip on it and brings the phone to focus on his face.

“Now,” Jensen says, “Go ahead. Stroke that huge cock for me.”

Jared practically whimpers, complying, eyes rolling up under his lashes as he bites down hard against his lower lip, chin tilting up and back. He’s exquisite, locked in need and pleasure, and Jensen loves to see him like this, completely naked, body and soul.

“Pretend it’s my hand on you, Jared,” Jensen says, voice rolling deep in his chest like a low purr. “The way I’d squeeze you and stroke you, tease at the slit. I’d even dip my head down to taste the come there, lick it away with my tongue, tease you just enough, stroking you the whole time.”

Jared gasps in a breath, whole body shuddering, eyes going wide and glazed. “Oh my God, Jensen. God…” Jared’s shoulder is shaking with movement as he jerks himself fast and hard. “I’m…. gonna come… just thinking about…” Jared moans, back arching, “your mouth on me.”

‘Mmm,” Jensen hums, and then low and gritty, he says, “I can’t wait to taste you, Jared.” Jensen squeezes his dick, pulling hard and slow upward, then down, feeling on the verge himself at the idea. 

“Jesus, Jensen,” Jared hisses, and he’s so gorgeous, coming apart at the edges, unraveling fast. Jensen’s close behind him, feeling the pressure build in his balls, and he snaps his wrist, feeling it rise right to the edge.

“Come on Jared,” he growls. “Let me see you come.”

Jared comes almost instantly, whole body going taut, breath caught in his throat, eyes going wide, and then he surges, body rocking into his hand, wild and rhythmless, pink lips gasping out half-formed curses against the pillow.

Jensen drinks in the sight of Jared’s beautiful face caught in the throes of pleasure, reveling in the image, and then his orgasm shoots through him like a rocket, seizing him up in its grasp completely, spine arching off the bed, fist closed tight around his cock, tugging and yanking as hot come splashes his belly, rush of pleasure through every nerve ending so intense his brain whites out for a moment, body moving of its own accord, hips to hand, shuddering and gasping until he’s wrung the last bit of come from himself. 

He finally sags against the bed, breathing quick and hard, Jared a sexed out wreck on the other end of the video chat. Jared’s lying there with half closed eyes and a blissed out smile, small shudders still wracking his body from time to time.

“Holy shit,” Jared breathes out, sounding awestruck and content.

“Right?” Jensen agrees, quivering aftershock rolling through him.

That was… that was intense in an entirely different way than last night. Last night had been slow and intimate and on fire. This had been down and dirty, hot and frantic, and Jensen loves it, the way they can go to different places, different levels each time.

Jared heaves out a happy sigh and then blinks at the camera, attempting to focus on Jensen. 

“That was a hell of a wake up call,” Jensen tells him with a lazy grin.

“I do my best.” Jared grins back. “Mmm.”Jared nuzzles his cheek against the pillow. “God, I could lay here in bed with you all day.”

“Me, too.”

There’s a long silence, the two of them staring at each other with wide, fond smiles, and then Jared says, apropos of absolutely nothing, “You called me ‘baby’ last night.”

It takes a few seconds for the words to penetrate, another second or two before he remembers.

“Oh,” Jensen says, and he’d probably be uncomfortable if he wasn’t floating in a post-orgasm, Jared-happy haze. “I… That was weird for me. I normally don’t do pet names,” he admits. “But that one… just kind of slipped out.”

Jared seems to think about that for a moment. “Did you mean it? The way you said it?”

He knows what Jared means. It had been extremely intimate, full of emotion, almost protective. 

Jensen nods, slow. “I did.”

“That just makes it more special,” Jared says, beaming at him. “Makes  _ me _ more special.”

“The most special,” Jensen agrees, before he can think the better of it.

Jared’s answering smile hits Jensen at about a billion kilowatts, and Jensen regrets nothing.

*

It takes them a while to pull themselves from lying in bed talking, separating long enough to clean up and dress before they meet back up at their desks.

“Welcome back,” Jensen greets him, taking a moment to admire the too-tight fit of Jared’s black, v-necked t-shirt.

Jared sighs, not seeming his usual happy self for a moment. “I’d rather be back in bed with you,” Jared tells him.

“I know.” Jensen heaves a sigh of his own and wonders how in the hell he’s supposed to focus on work today. He stops, thought striking him, and makes a decision then and there.

“We’re only working half a day today, anyway,” Jensen says. “There’s something I want us to do later.”

“Oooh,” Jared breathes, half-smile blooming into a genuine grin. “What?”

“You’ll find out,” Jensen counters, teasing as he grins back.

“Fine.” Jared pretends to pout, hamming it up. “Make me wait.”

“You love it,” Jensen tells him, smirking.

“I really do,” Jared agrees, light and breezy with a big fat grin.

It takes a while, but they finally do settle into an uneven rhythm of work, patchy at first as they continue talking to each other and getting sidetracked every few minutes. But finally Jensen manages to actually get something done, completing an important sequence he’s been working on the last few days. 

They separate for lunch, half-assed working for another hour or so afterward before Jensen finally calls it off.

He turns in his chair, looking out the window of his office.

Damn. It’s going to rain. He’d wanted to do this outside…

He thinks for a long, few moments and then decides he isn’t going to let the rain stop him.

“Does it look like it’s going to rain where you are?” Jensen asks, turning back to look at Jared.

“It’s supposed to rain a little later today. Why?”

“Is your back porch covered?”   


Jared squints at him, like he’s trying to figure out where Jensen is going with this, a bemused smile on his lips. “No.”

“Do you have a tent?”

“Like a camping tent?” Jared asks, mildly surprised. “No. But I have a portable patio awning. One of the square ones.”

“Big enough that you’d trust using your laptop under it?”

“Yeah, it’s almost big enough to cover the whole back porch--my back porch isn’t very big. But Jensen, why?” Jared seems mystified, but still amused.

“Go set it up and I’ll meet you back here in a bit.”

“Where are you going?” Jared asks, arching a brow at him.

“It’s a surprise,” Jensen tells him and winks at him.

Jared’s eyelashes flutter a little, his eyes taking on a dreamy cast. “All right,” Jared agrees.

Jensen hops up from the table, excited and wanting to beat the weather, and then comes to a sudden halt, turning back the screen and leaning down. He purses his lips and blows Jared a kiss without using his hands, and then smiles. “I’ll miss you.”

Jared blows a kiss back, smiling. “I’ll miss you, too.”

Jensen grins, feeling light with happy energy, and then he turns, rushing off to get things ready.

*

The sky is dark gray, darker clouds like smoke smudged against the sky as they roll in. Jensen stands in the grass of his side yard, feeling the breeze picking up with the scent of coming rain. 

The tent hadn’t been difficult to set up, and it seems secure enough as he throws a couple pillows on the floor inside. It isn’t very tall, but he doesn’t intend to stand up inside it anyway. He eyes the empty streets, one car whooshing by in a pale shade of silver, and he wonders if they saw him, what they might have thought if they did. He probably looks a little crazy to the outside eye, but he really can’t bring himself to care. He’s too excited.

He crawls inside the tent carefully with his laptop, lies down on his belly and arranges a pillow to prop his elbows up on. Jared’s face greets him as he opens the laptop lid.

“Is it raining there yet?”

“Starting to,” Jared says with a glance over his shoulder. He’s sitting inside his portable pavilion, surrounded by the mosquito netting that falls from the top edges on every side. “So do you have a thing for the rain?”

“Not really.” Jensen gives a one-shouldered shrug. “Sometimes I like it.” He pauses, thinking. “But I definitely like it today. Especially here with you.”

Jared rewards him with a brilliant smile. “So do I. I like everything with you,” Jared confesses, and Jensen feels his chest swell, that familiar too-big feeling constricting his heart.

A few minutes later, the rain begins to patter down over Jensen, light sound of it striking the tent. It feels cozy inside, warm but not too warm, the sound of falling rain and the sight of Jared’s face comforting. Like being hidden in a secret, safe place with his best friend, and he wishes Jared was here so he could press up against Jared’s back and embrace him from behind, hold him tight against his chest, chin on Jared’s shoulder, the two of them quiet as they listen to the rain falling, whispering out secrets against canvas.

The smell of petrichor surrounds him, soothing him, and he smiles at Jared, feeling peace deep in his soul.

“So what’s the big mystery?” Jared asks, obviously enticed.

“How do you feel about us going to the Sistine Chapel?” Jensen asks, still smiling.

Jared goes very still, blinking at him, and Jensen feels his heart drop.

“You want to take me to the Sistine Chapel?” Jared’s tilting his head at Jensen like he’s not sure he’s understanding correctly, his eyes fixed on Jensen, but Jensen can’t quite read his expression.

“Only if it’s okay with you.” Jensen shifts his position, uncomfortable now, and tries to find the right words. You’d think he would have thought this through beforehand, and struggling with trying to find the right words now feels somehow wrong, disingenuous. What he says right now needs to come from the heart.

He takes a deep breath and forces himself to relax, letting his emotion show in his face--the emotion he has for Jared; joy and reverence and respect and adoration. “I know what it means to you. And I wanted to…” he lifts his hands, moving them palms upward, “experience it with you. We can’t go there for real right now. So I thought we could take the tour. I thought it might be… something special we could share.”

Jared’s still just staring at him, and there are so many different emotions in his eyes Jensen’s not sure what to make of them. 

“It’s a terrible idea, isn’t it?” Jensen asks with a single, rough laugh. Nervousness pushes its way to the fore again, incredibly self-conscious, because he knew how deep this went and he still pushed for it. He shouldn’t have.

“I’m sorry,” Jensen apologizes. “I knew it was a terrible idea. I thought of it the night you took me to the zoo, and that seemed too soon. And then you told me the story about Sandy, and then I thought maybe it was too deeply personal. But then we’ve…” Jensen makes a gesture with one hand. “We’ve gotten so close, I thought maybe it was something we could share.” He stops and clears his throat, stomach so knotted he can barely breathe. “I’m sorry,” he says again.

Jared shakes his head, hair shivering gently around his face, and his eyes glitter in the laptop light, wetter than they should be. “Don’t be sorry.” His voice breaks a little over the words, and he clears his throat. “Jensen… yes, that’s so incredibly personal. But that’s exactly what makes it so sweet and thoughtful and meaningful. That you’d want to share that with me because it means so much to me…” Jared shakes his head again, smile skittering over his lips before it grabs hold. “You’re amazing.”

The depth of affection and warmth in Jared’s eyes goes straight to Jensen’s heart, hitting him like an arrow, piercing the circumference of it, driving deep, lodging against his spine and settling in deep for a long stay. Forever, maybe. 

_ Not maybe _ , he thinks, and he has to hush himself.

He draws a shaky breath that has nothing to do with being nervous, his mouth pulling in a smile. “So you want to?”

“Jensen. I’d love to,” Jared tells him in all sincerity, and Jensen can see Jared’s heart, right there in his misty eyes, sweet and tender and so incredibly touched.

Jensen doesn’t want to look away, doesn’t want to break the moment between them, silence filled with everything they feel.

Jared pulls back a tiny bit, drawing a shuddering breath and clearing his throat. He blinks back the wet sheen in his eyes and gives Jensen a bright smile. “Lead the way.”

Jensen smiles back and reaches for the mouse. His eyes linger on Jared’s for a long moment before he looks to the other side of his monitor, pulling up a window. It only takes a moment to find the link he’d clicked on that first night he’d gone looking. A few moments later, they’re viewing the cameras inside the chapel. 

“I’m not sure I should be leading,” Jensen says, thoughtful. “I have no idea where to go, or what to look at.”

“You drive,” Jared tells him. “I’ll navigate.”

“Okay,” Jensen agrees, and smiles, happy that they’re doing this, even happier that the tour is going to be a joint effort.

Jensen is pleased to see that the painting is all Renaissance style, vivid yellow and blue and blood red comprising much of it, as Jared directs him along the wall cameras, then to the west wall. Jensen is overwhelmed and awestruck by the huge fresco there. He’d seen pictures of the Sistine Chapel before, but he’d never looked at them as closely as he is right now. The sheer amount of paintings and painted people vying for attention make him feel like it could take him years to see every detail. 

The west wall boasts the bright blue of the sky, bright greens and oranges and yellows scattered throughout, but it’s dominated by the flesh tones of the many people painted there. Jared explains what it depicts--Judgment Day and the Second Coming--and Jensen is fascinated. He asks at least a dozen questions, which Jared is delighted to answer, before they finally move on to the many, smaller frescoes on the ceiling. It feels strangely intimate, despite the fact that they’re separated by two hours and computer screens, like Jared’s almost right here with him.

Not all of them are on display for the cameras, but the ones of note seem to be, Jared walking Jensen through their stories, energized and thrilled as he breaks down the details and background of each one. Jensen glances over at Jared’s face often, delighted by the delight in Jared’s face, that golden light inside him so close to the surface. He’s practically glowing, and he looks almost angelic, more beautiful than anyone in any painting in the chapel. Michelangelo was talented as hell, but his work had nothing on the light of Jared’s soul shining through his natural beauty.

Jared tells him to pull back to the big view of the chapel, and Jensen follows his direction.

He can hear Jared’s sigh of contentment, and glances over, smiling at the expression on Jared’s face. He looks back to the chapel then, and his jaw nearly drops open as he takes in the view.

The camera is pulled back to reveal several paintings along the side walls that lead to the huge fresco on the west wall, much of the ceiling above shown in the shot, the lovely architecture and the way the paintings curve and flow within it. It’s pieces are intricate and lovely, but taken as a whole, it’s majestic, awe-inspiring. Gazing at it, Jensen thinks he can almost understand what Jared felt, standing inside it that day.

“Wow,” he breathes. “It’s…”

“Isn’t it?” Jared asks, sounding almost proud, as deeply awed as Jensen himself. 

They both stare for a long time, enraptured.

“Thank you for bringing me here, Jensen,” Jared says, and Jensen pulls his eyes from the chapel, meeting Jared’s. “You have no idea what it means to me… that you cared enough to want to share this with me, and learn about it, because I care about it.”

“Thank you for letting me share it with you. And for teaching me about it.” 

“Are you kidding? Two hours talking about one of my favorite places? This was a total nerdgasm for me. It’s just doubly awesome because it’s you,” Jared adds, and smiles.

“We have to go there,” Jensen says, suddenly excited by the idea. He’d wanted to go before, to experience it with Jared, but now he wants to experience it for  _ himself _ . “One day, when all this is finally over, I’m going to take you there.”

“One day,” Jared echoes. He sounds subdued, now, his tone a bit strange.

Jensen tilts his head slightly to one side, trying to figure out what caused the change in him. He’s about to ask Jared when Jared speaks again.

“It’s your fourteenth day in quarantine, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Jensen nods, not quite understanding why Jared’s asking the question.

“It’s day sixteen for me. I haven't left my house.” Jared’s eyes are wide, fixed on Jensen’s. “Have you?”

“No.” Jensen doesn’t even have to think about it.

“Then...” Jared looks down at his keyboard, jaw shifting. “It should be safe for us to see each other, then.” 

It takes a moment, Jensen’s brain turning over and making connections that feel far too slow. The realization hits him like a freight train. He’d been thinking they’d have to wait for shelter in place to be lifted. Technically DC and the surrounding states have been cut off from people outside coming into them, but also technically, DC and the surrounding states aren’t assigning people to check who’s coming in and out.

Today is the fourteenth day. That’s supposed to be the maximum for quarantine. Neither of them have left their homes for at least fourteen days. If they haven’t had contact with anyone else… they might be okay. They _ should _ be okay.

He can see Jared. Real life in person. Exhilaration hits him, coupled with relief and a thousand other emotions he can’t put words to.

He can meet Jared in person.

They can do this for real.

For the first time since he met Jared, fear hits him hard, right in the chest, puncturing his heart. For the first time since he knew Jared felt the same way about him, he’s terrified. 

What if it isn’t the same? What if meeting in person changes everything? And of course it will change some things, it would absolutely have to. But what if they meet and it just… dies?

What if they find out none of this was ever real?

_ That would never happen _

Part of him knows that’s true. The insane part of him knows that to be emphatically true.

But the sane part of him just won’t shut up.

“You...” Jensen manages the one word before he has to stop and clear his throat, begin again. “You want to come here?”

“Are you kidding?” Jared asks, and his eyes are so intense, his voice threadbare. “Of course I want to come see you Jensen.”

“Of course.” Jensen nods, still trying to process it.

Jared is so focused. “I assume you left work on Tuesday and got home somewhere around 7pm?”

This, Jensen can answer easily, even though the rest of his brain is a loss. “Six,” he corrects.

Jared hesitates, and then nods. “So you got home at six o’clock, two weeks ago. It’s five, now. By the time I get there, it’ll be the full fourteen days.”

“You mean… you want to come tonight?” Jensen asks, everything seeming to be happening too fast.

Jared nods, completely serious. “Yeah.”

Jensen feels dumbstruck, his lips numb as he asks, “Do you think it’s safe?”

Jared bites at his lower lip, staring at Jensen for a long moment.

“I don’t care, Jensen,” Jared tells him, emphatic, heartfelt and so sincere. “I don’t care if it’s safe or not.” Jared's eyes flicker for a moment, and then he amends the words, saying, “I mean, I do, a little, but it’s as safe as it possibly can be, and that’s good enough for me.”

Jensen doesn’t know what to say to that, hasn't even begun to think about or plan for this.

“I’ve been trying to hold back, to wait until we were technically safe. But even that’s been hard.” Jared’s strange, beautiful eyes are fixated on him, holding him in the moment. “And then today, you take me to the Sistine Chapel....” Jared trails off, voice soft with wonder. “You make me crazy, Jensen. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before. And I’m not letting another moment go by where I’m not with you.” Jared shakes his head, lion’s mane of hair shivering around his face. “Not if I can help it.”

“So you’re…” Jensen licks his lips, mouth dry. “You…” Jensen can’t quite find the words to finish his sentence. 

“I’m getting in my car tonight, Jensen,” Jared assures him. “I’m loading Thor up and we’re coming to your house and we’re not leaving for at least a week.” Jared swallows hard, eyes liquid and raw. “I want to kiss you until I can’t breathe and fuck until we can’t walk. Get up in the morning and make pancakes together and kiss you some more. I want Loki and Thor to play together. I want to find out if your hands feel as amazing on my body as they look. I want to know what you smell like.”

All the breath seems to have deserted Jensen’s lungs, Jared’s eyes the only thing that exist.

Jared’s voice is thick with emotion as he says, “God, I want to  _ kiss _ you. I want to find out if this relationship could be even half as amazing as it seems. I want to touch you, and hold you, and be part of your life. I want to wake up in the morning next to you and know it’s where I belong.” Jared stops, his eyes never wavering as he shakes his head slightly. “And if that’s not what you want, then you need to tell me right now.”

Jensen is stunned, breathless and awed. In all his life, no one has ever spoken to him like this, said such poignant, beautiful words to him.

“Jensen,” Jared urges, soft and heated.

“It  _ is _ what I want.” The words leave Jensen without hesitation, spoken heart to mouth. “Fuck, I want you here right now, so much.” Jensen can feel emotion well in his chest, behind his eyes, too tight and too big to contain. 

“You’re sure?” Jared asks, his eyes still liquid, still so wide open. “Because I don’t want to push. I mean, I know I am, but, Jesus, Jensen it’s never been like this before.” Jared’s mouth works, long seconds before he says, “I want this so badly. But we can wait. I don’t want to do it if you’re not sure.” Jared pauses, swallowing hard, his eyes fixed on Jensen’s. “Are you  _ sure _ ?”

Jensen’s never been more sure. “Yes.”

Whatever misgivings he might have, however scared he might be, he knows it’s true; it’s what he wants. Maybe it won’t work. Maybe they’ll both be disappointed by the reality. But at least they'll have tried. At least they’ll know.

And Jensen wants to know. He  _ needs _ to know. 

“I’m sure, Jared,” he says, holding Jared’s gaze. “I’m also terrified,” he adds, trying for funny.

“I’m not,” Jared replies, and grins.

“Not even a little bit nervous?” Jensen asks, astounded.

“Nope.” Jared shakes his head slowly, eyes never leaving Jensen’s, smile on his lips so incredibly fond. “I’m  _ that _ sure about you.”

“Show off,” Jensen huffs, and Jared laughs.

“So we’re doing this?” Jared asks.

“We are.” Jensen takes a deep breath and nods, shiver fluttering deep in his stomach.

“Then…” Jared folds his hands together, fingers threaded, and glances down at them before he looks back up at Jensen. “Then there’s one more thing you should know. Before I come up there.”

Jensen can see it all, written in the lines of Jared’s face, the trembling of his sweet smile, the warm, deep joy and adoration in his eyes. Jensen knows. He  _ knows _ .

“Jared,” he says, trying to head Jared off. “I feel it, too. But it’s so soon and I’m trying to be  _ sane _ .”

“Screw sanity,” Jared scoffs, softly. “Jensen, if you don’t feel ready to say it yet, then I will.”

“No. Shut up,” Jensen condemns with sincerity, no heat in his voice. He takes a deep breath.

Everything, all of this, nine days of spending all his time with Jared, and he knows how he feels, even if he’s not ready to say it. He’s known since the third day if not the first, and there’s never been a question, as long as he’s ignored anything like sanity. 

Fuck it. Sanity is overrated anyway. 

“I’m in love with you,” Jensen says.

And there it is.

Gorgeous, golden boy made of sunshine and joy, and Jensen’s in love with him. 

Jensen feels shaky, adrenaline and happiness flowing through his veins with a sudden surge, his heart beating faster.

Jared’s face fractures, then crumbles, slow revealing of the softness beneath, open and raw and so completely beautiful. 

“I’m in love with you, too,” Jared whispers, and then heaves a shivering, happy sigh.

Love. Jensen’s in love with the most wonderful, beautiful man he’s ever met, and Jared’s in love with him, too. It seems so simple for something that feels so profound.

Jensen feels his heart melt, brain going hazy and dreamy, and the smile on his face right now probably makes him look like an idiot, but Jared doesn’t seem to mind. The arrow Jared put through his heart earlier shifts, scraping a little against bone as it digs deeper, settling in for life.

_ Definitely forever, _ he thinks.

“I’ve been in love with you since the first day, Jensen,” Jared says, voice soft, the emotion in it not quite steady. “And I’m not scared to tell you.”

“You didn’t want to wait and say it in person?” Jensen asks.

Rain patters down on the tent, and Jared tilts his head to one side in a sort of shrug. “I feel like you needed to know everything. Everything out on the table before you can be sure you want me to be there.” Jared hesitates and then huffs out a soft laugh. “So I guess that doesn’t change your mind?’

“Not even a little bit.” Jensen shakes his head. “It makes me want you here even more.” Jensen pauses, considering the moment, his surroundings, all the feelings inside him. “I’ve gotta tell you though… I did not picture myself having this conversation with you lying in a tent on my stomach.”

Jared laughs, the sound light and sweet. He sobers after a moment, smile still gracing his lips, eyeing Jensen with playful affection. “Then I guess there’s just one more thing…”

Jensen bites down on the inside of his cheek, trying to hold back a grin. “Jared, so help me if you start talking about marriage…”

Jared bursts into laughter, taking a moment to collect himself. “Okay, I’ll hold off a few hours on that, then. But that wasn’t it.”

“Then what?” Jensen asks, with no idea what else Jared could have to say to him.

Jared holds the pause for obvious dramatic effect.

“I need your address,” Jared tells him, and then they both laugh.

*

Jared texts him a short while later to tell Jensen he’s leaving, and Jensen feels real panic start to set in, all his doubts and fears and worries rising up to eat him alive.

It’s stupid, he knows it’s stupid. Everything is going to be fine, he knows that, too. But he can’t seem to convince his brain or his stomach or even his heart, which is going a mile a minute in his chest. He leaves the tent in the rain, knowing he’ll have to pack it up once it dries out again, wishing he could put it away now. He needs something to pass the time, to help him ignore his slowly fraying nerves.

It’s a strange dance of feelings inside him; panic to daydreaming how perfect things will be to anticipation building in his stomach all the way back around to fear. He feels like a sixteen year old about to have his first date, only about ten thousand times worse/better.

He finally distracts himself by meticulously grooming himself and carefully picking out just the right clothes, and then by cleaning up the house, finishing even that before Jared gets there. He stares at the clock on his phone, one finger tapping against the tiled counter in the kitchen as he contemplates warming up leftovers and eating in the time he has left. Time in quarantine has been elastic and stretched at best, but he’s pretty sure these are the longest two hours of his life happening right now.

Loki sits on the counter, staring at him with curious golden eyes, and Jensen decides to feed the cat and himself now, because once Jared gets here, food is going to be the last thing he cares about.

He’s just finished up the dishes, on his way to the living room when the knock comes at his door.

Jensen is frozen, standing there for a few seconds that feel like forever, sucking in a deep breath, staring at the front door with a thousand different emotions. His stomach feels full of butterflies, their wings made of lead, his blood coming to a halt in his veins, brain hitting a full stop for fractions of a second. 

_ It’s real _ , he thinks.  _ This is really happening _

And then, as suddenly as it struck, the freeze thaws, butterflies shedding lead and flying up into his throat, heart hammering fast as his blood turns hot. He sprints, running to the front door, elation and fear, anticipation and excitement filling him until he feels like he’s going to vibrate apart. 

He grabs the knob, throwing the door wide.

Jared is taller than he’d thought, and twenty times more gorgeous in person, vibrant and alive and solid, his smile so bright it’s almost blinding, eyes twinkling with joy and warmth. Jensen is struck dumb by the sight of him standing there, three feet away, on the front porch of his house.

“Hi,” Jared breathes out, and grins.


	12. Quarantine Day 14 3/4

STILL TUESDAY

“You’re here,” Jensen whispers in disbelief, still stunned. And then a brilliant smile explodes from deep inside him, body launching forward into Jared’s, closing the distance between them in less than a second, his arms thrown around Jared’s neck and pulling him in tight.

God he feels good, solid and real, Jared’s arms coming up to hug him back, squeezing him so tight, chest to chest and belly to belly, both of them crushing each other close. Jensen can hardly breathe, and he doesn’t care because Jared is _here_ , and he can smell him; faint, delicious cologne, the warm scent of skin, something sweet and clean layered on top of it. The feeling of Jared’s arms encircling him seems surreal, so much muscle and skin, the draw of breath into his lungs, the beat of his heart, and Jensen wants to stand here and just experience it for a long few moments.

But Jared’s drawing back to look at him, hands grasping Jensen by the shoulders as he stares down into Jensen’s eyes. Those honest, wide open blue eyes with their hazel centers clinging to the pupils like clouds, and they’re even more beautiful, more mesmerizing in person.

“I can’t believe I’m finally here,” Jared breathes out in a rush, and then his hands move, sliding from Jensen’s shoulders to his cup his face, and then Jared’s mouth is on his.

 _Yes, kissing is better than hugging_ , Jensen thinks in the moment before his brain shuts off entirely.

Jensen parts his lips, tongue sweeping out over Jared’s bottom lip to taste him, deep shiver in his belly as he pulls in a breath through his nose. The smell of Jared and the outdoors fills him, wet grass and earth inhaled, and it hits him just right, his heart beginning to race in his chest. Jensen slides a hand up into Jared’s hair, fingers tangling in those glorious, long locks and pulls him close, tongues flickering before they collide in a sudden, hot tangle.

Sweet catch and drag of their tongues against each other, slowly circling at first, teasing and tasting, deepening until Jensen can feel his blood rush through his veins, dizzying spikes of desire through every nerve.

Jensen gets his palms around Jared’s face and angles his jaw, kissing him deep, feels Jared answer, breathing out hard through his nose as he kisses Jensen back. Jensen can feel the warmth of Jared’s skin through his thin clothing, the flex of his muscles against him as Jared’s hand glides down Jensen’s arm to touch his hip, hand closing around it, thumb resting in the hollow, fingers squeezing lightly.

God, Jared feels good in his arms, solid and sun-warm and perfect, kissing Jensen until Jensen’s head is on fire and his heart is too full, and Jensen wants to spin him, push him against the wall, unbuckle his belt and peel off his clothes, show Jared exactly how he makes Jensen feel. 

Jensen’s hands slide to Jared’s hips, thumbs hooking through Jared’s belt loops and tugging him inside, insistent--

Jared pulls back, breaking the kiss with a deep breath. His eyes are dark, hazy and glazed with desire, mouth deeply pink from kissing, his chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath.

“I... I have to get my bags.”

“Later,” Jensen murmurs, trying to pull him close again.

“And Thor,” Jared adds, like an apology. 

Their eyes locked, gazes fused, and Jensen can see the answering want in Jared like the tide he feels within him. He takes a moment, trying to pull his head together, the nearness of Jared like a drug, and then he takes a slow, steady breath and nods. They’ve got time. They don’t have to rush this.

“Okay.” Jensen nods again, making a concerted effort to pull his head out of his ass and focus. 

“Be right back,” Jared promises in a whisper, smile on his lips as he leans in, lips pressing firmly against Jensen’s for a moment.

Jared turns, disappearing around the corner through the open door, and Jensen exhales a long, slow sigh, eyes wide. Jesus. If he’d been worried about chemistry (he hadn’t really--well, not much anyway) then they would have just proven his worry wrong. Jensen can feel sparks sputtering all through him, nerves like livewires, warmth of Jared still all over him.

He touches his fingers to his lips, part of him still disbelieving that this is happening and Jared is actually here. Here, at his house, thisclose to Jensen’s whole life--hell, his whole world, right now, if he’s honest.

He hopes Jared won’t think it’s dull. The thought strikes him with a sudden flutter that feels like the beginnings of panic. What if they get bored? All they have are the five and a half rooms in this house and each other. 

He should have thought more about this.

But it’s obviously too late now; Jared appears at the door with a backpack and several small (small on Jared that is) bags hanging from his arms, Thor on a leash at Jared’s side. Jared’s holding the leash taut, the dog looking back and forth between Jared and Jensen, Jared’s face questioning as he looks to Jensen.

“Let him go,” Jensen tells him, and Jared lets go of the leash, motioning Thor forward.

Thor woofs happily, golden fur rippling as he bounds into the living room, stopping before Jensen and staring up at him with twinkling brown eyes, pink tongue lolling from one side of his mouth. Thor falls into a sit, still looking at Jensen, and then lifts a paw. Jensen chuckles and reaches down, taking Thor’s big paw in his hand, squeezing lightly. Thor woofs again, excitedly, and Jensen lets go, falling to his knees and chuckling as he reaches out, scratching the fur beneath Thor’s chin and leaning his face close to the dog’s. Thor rubs his snout along Jensen’s cheek, tongue licking out to give him a big wet kiss, and Jensen laughs this time, snuggling Thor’s face under his nose and chin as he scratches the dog’s throat.

It feels good to have a dog in the house again--hell, it feels good to have anything new happening in the house at all. But it especially feels good to have a dog around again. Thor smells like dog-- _clean_ dog--but dog, and Jensen buries his face in golden fur and inhales deeply.

Thor freezes for a moment, muscles going taut, and Jensen pulls back, wondering…

Loki has appeared at Jensen’s side, his gait almost prancing as he walks up to Thor. Jensen glances up at Jared who has walked inside and shut the door, and Jared grins at him, putting his bags down in a hurry so he doesn’t miss their introduction.

Jensen is caught for a moment by Jared’s grin, the easy way he moves, the energy that seems to radiate from him, eyes following him until he crouches down on the other side of Thor and Loki. Loki sits back on his haunches, looking up at Thor with luminous golden eyes, and the dog leans closer, cautious as he sniffs Loki.

“Has he ever seen a cat before?” Jensen asks in a low voice.

“Yeah. When my sister came to visit and she brought hers along.”

Thor moves then, laying his forepaws on the floor, chin almost touching the carpet, back end high in the air, long tail wagging, butt wiggling. Jensen’s mouth tugs in a deep smile as he watches Loki recognize the “let’s play” bow, and then Loki rises to his feet with stately grace, swiping one paw across Thor’s nose before he turns and bolts across the room.

Thor follows behind him at top speed, pulling to a sudden halt as Loki leaps onto the couch, turning and peering at Thor from the arm. Thor feints at Loki, and Loki bats at Thor’s nose.

“I think they like each other,” Jensen remarks, still smiling as he rises to his feet. As happy as he is for Loki and Thor, though, he’s happier for himself, for Jared. He wants to watch the two of them play, he really does, but there are other things at the top of the list right now.

There are a _lot_ of other things at the top of the list right now, every single one of them focused around the man standing in front of him.

“Are you hungry?” Jensen asks, looking at Jared. “Thirsty? I know you said you weren’t going to stop anywhere.”

“I’m good,” Jared assures him, lifting his hands from his sides. “I just…” Jared stops, giving a small laugh, shaking his head. “I still can’t believe I’m here.”

“Me neither,” Jensen agrees, taking a step closer to him, and God he’s beautiful, even more beautiful in person than he’d ever been on a computer screen, and Jensen wouldn’t have believed it if someone had told him. But looking at Jared in the flesh, his almond shaped, incredibly colored eyes, tanned skin and high cheekbones, sharp jawline and pink lips, Jensen is floored, amazed. By the height and breadth of him, the undeniable energy that emanates from him, the sheer reality of him.

And still, as much as he takes Jensen’s breath away just looking at him, the light of his soul shines through in every single move he makes.

“Can I actually pay attention to you, now?” Jensen asks, voice breathy.

“I’m…” Jared trails off, seeming to struggle for words. “All this time, I’ve been waiting to be here. And now, I’m here… and all the sudden… I don’t know what to do.” Jared reaches up, running his fingers through the length of his hair and smoothing it back, a small laugh escaping him.

“That’s okay,” Jensen assures him, closing the distance between them. “I do,” he promises. Pushing up from the balls of his feet, hands sliding up into Jared’s hair as his mouth melts against Jared’s, Jared’s lips parting, opening for him, eager sound into Jensen’s mouth, tongue wrapping around Jensen’s in time with his arms winding around Jensen’s shoulders, bodies pressed close together, and fuck, he feels so good, kissing Jensen like a dream, hands squeezing Jensen tight.

Jared draws back again, Jensen chasing after his mouth until Jared grips him by the shoulders, forces Jensen to look at him.

“God, Jensen.” Jared’s eyes are wide, full of wonder, dark with lust. “You’re even more amazing in person.” Jared’s hand shakes as he lifts it, running the pad of his thumb across Jensen’s lower lip.

Jensen presses a kiss to the flesh of Jared’s thumb, eyes still looking upward, riveted on Jared’s face. He’s been so cautious, so worried, but now, with Jared here, he feels more certain than ever, no hesitation within him.

“Should we talk?” Jared asks in a breathy rush of words. “Do we need to talk?”

“All we’ve done is talk,” Jensen breathes back, staring into his eyes. “I’m tired of talking.”

Jensen pushes Jared’s hand aside and surges upward, mouth crashing into Jared’s like a perfect collison, rush of heat that spins out into fire singing along his veins. This man--this beautiful man who makes him feel alive, and loved and appreciated--is finally here, in his arms, and there’s no question of what he wants; the only way he can think to possibly express what he feels.

“God,” Jensen growls, teeth tugging against Jared’s lower lip before he pulls free. “I need you in my bed. Right now.”

“Yes, now,” Jared responds, voice breaking. “God, please, yes.” Jared’s arms tighten around him, lips gliding across his.

Jensen doesn’t let go of him, pulling him closer for a moment, kissing him hard, and then hooking his thumbs through Jared’s belt loops, tugging him as he walks backward, lips still melded against Jared’s, and he knows his way through the house so well, so easily, hip only brushing against the entrance to the hallway, tongue sweeping across Jared’s lower lip. Pulling him step by step, past his office, around the corner.

And then it’s just them. In Jensen’s bedroom, kissing like if they stop the world might end, moonlight cutting through the blinds as he turns Jared and pushes him down against the bed, Jensen falling on top of him, tongue diving deep into Jared’s mouth, hands sliding out the length of Jared’s long arms, tracing along the skin before he links his fingers through Jared’s, closing hard.

He’s never wanted anyone like this. He’s never felt like this.

“Jared,” he breathes, and Jared answers with a shuddering sigh, everything in him surrendering.

Moonlight cut in precise lines across his face and he’s the most perfect thing Jensen has ever seen, light falling across his strange, beautiful eyes, filled with want and emotions Jensen understands all too well. Warm body pliant and firm, hips canting into his, and he’s hard as a rock, still in awe of Jared stretched out beneath him.

Jared’s here, and he’s looking up at Jensen like Jensen’s everything he’s ever wanted, like he’s as in awe of Jensen as Jensen is of him.

He forgets to be scared. He forgets to be terrified.

Because this is perfect.

Beautiful boy, shining like the sun underneath the moon, and he’s everything Jensen has wanted, everything he’d always hoped. And maybe he’s a romantic, maybe he’s over the top, maybe it’s too soon, and maybe he’s wrong. 

But fuck all of that. Jensen knows what he feels.

“I love you,” Jensen whispers.

Jared draws back, looking at him in the slats of moonlight that fall across them.

“I love you, too,” Jared breathes, pink lips parted, hazel eyes dark, pupils blown wide, fingers squeezing tight against Jensen’s.

Jensen answers him with the crush of his lips against Jared’s, kissing him hard and deep, Jared pushing up into him, hard line of his cock slotting against Jensen’s through the thick layer of denim, and Jensen needs him naked _now,_ needs to feel all of him. Tongue trailing down the line of Jared’s pulse, curling in the hollow of Jared’s throat, fingers clutching underneath the hem of Jared’s shirt, tugging it upward, Jared arching his spine and rolling with the movement, Jensen ripping it away as it reaches the top of his head.

All this bare skin spread out before him, tanned and gorgeous, pecs beautifully cut against the skin, abs softer but still visible, and he wants to put his mouth against every inch. Licking his way from collarbone to pecs, tongue tracing circles around the dark, olive circles of Jared’s nipples, teeth teasing, tugging, Jared pulling at him, tearing at his shirt, and Jensen leans up, lets Jared pull it free, eyes meeting his for a long moment.

“I can’t believe how gorgeous you are,” Jared breathes, eyes traveling from Jensen’s face down his neck to his chest and back again. “Fuck, Jensen, I haven’t even seen you naked yet.” 

Jensen gets up on his knees and turns, tugging off Jared’s shoes, and then he bends, kissing Jared’s belly as he unbuttons Jared’s jeans, Jared lighting his hips as Jensen strips them from his body along with his underwear. He rises, standing at the end of the bed, just taking in the sight of Jared’s naked body stretched out across his bed like an invitation, miles of tanned skin and sculpted muscles, the huge, hard length of his cock rising from his belly, and Jensen can feel his mouth water with wanting to taste it, taste every bit of him.

He reaches down, undoes the buckle on his belt, and slowly strips out of his jeans, fully conscious of Jared’s gaze devouring his every movement. He stands at the end of the bed, striped in moonlight, completely naked, cock rock hard and almost aching, and lets Jared take a good long look at him. His heart is in his throat, tiniest jangle of nervousness thrumming through him. He knows he’s in good shape, knows he’s good looking, but still, Jared is special, and Jensen really hopes Jared’s loving what he sees.

If the lust-filled look in Jared’s eyes is anything to go by, Jared _is_. 

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Jared breathes out, eyes moving to take in every inch of Jensen’s form, and then Jared moves, getting up on his knees, crawling on all fours to the end of the bed.

He puts his hands on Jensen’s hips, pulling him a little closer, dips his head and kisses Jensen just below his belly button, nipping at the skin there before he dives lower, tongue flickering across the leaking head of Jensen’s dick. Jensen’s eyelids flutter with pleasure at the sensation, and then Jared wraps his lips around the crown and Jensen is gone, sinking his hands into Jared’s hair and grabbing hold.

Whatever he’d imagined, it hadn’t been anything like the reality of Jared’s mouth gliding down the length of him, hot and wet and sucking hard, humming with pleasure so intense Jensen can feel it all around his cock. Head tipping back, he gasps, Jared taking him almost all the way to the base before he sucks back up the length, tongue tip curling to stroke up the length of the vein on the underside, lips forming a tight seal that sends shocks of pleasure rushing through Jensen, and Jesus Christ Jared’s so good at what he’s doing and Jensen wants him so much, he’s already way too close--

He drags Jared’s face away from him, Jared making a reluctant noise, and then Jensen pulls him upward, so he’s sitting up on his knees at the end of the bed, Jared almost eye level with him. His hands still lightly fisted in Jared’s hair, he stares into Jared’s eyes, filled with wonder and so much love for what he sees there.

“You are so amazing,” Jensen breathes with a disbelieving shake of his head. 

“Sometimes I think I dreamed you,” Jared confesses, his voice a raw whisper. “Even now, it’s like I’m worried I’m going to wake up any moment.”

“I’m real,” Jensen assures him, running a hand through Jared’s hair, moving to cup his face. “Let me show you,” Jensen breathes out, pressing his lips against Jared’s for an instant, “How very real I am.”

Jensen lays him gently back against the bed, following Jared down until he’s on top of him, long, lean body so tight and firm and hot, pressed right up against him, and Jared feels incredible, Jensen devouring Jared’s mouth, kissing him slow and thoroughly, taking his time to savor every texture and taste. Pulling back slow, biting and kissing his way down the column of Jared’s gorgeous, long throat, chasing the rabbiting of Jared’s pulse with his tongue, trailing lower, nibbling and licking down Jared’s chest to his belly, and lower still, chin brushing against the head of Jared’s cock.

Jared breathes out his name like a prayer, and Jensen smiles.

Jensen inclines his head, lets his lips brush against it and inhales the deep, musky scent of arousal, precome and the unmistakable smell of maleness. For a second he feels like he’s drowning in pheromones, pure instinct taking over as he parts his lips, tongue flickering out to taste the pearly come beaded at the head. It’s salty as it melts on his tongue, not even the slightest trace of bitterness, and Jensen smiles in satisfaction, opens his mouth and sucks down the length of Jared’s huge cock as far as he can. Fumbles for the nightstand drawer while he suckles, fingers snagging the bottle of lube. Jared’s nails digging into his shoulders, hissing out strings of curses and prayers, Jensen sucks Jared with long, slow strokes, working his fingers inside Jared’s body, Jared twisting and writhing against him.

Tongue arching, mouth suckling, and Jared bucks against his face with broken rhythm, crying out as Jensen brushes against his prostate, inner muscles contracting around his fingers as Jared comes, hot and salty down Jensen’s throat, whole body stiffening. Jensen suckles him through it, swallowing every drop, his fingers drawing out every last sensation, leaving Jared senseless and begging.

"Need more." Jared grabs at Jensen’s hair with fumbling hands, trying to pull him closer. "Need you." Aftershocks ricochet through his body, and Jared moans. "Need all of you." 

He kisses out, upward along Jared’s Adonis trench, fingers leaving him slowly, and then he slides his hands up, around the outside of Jared’s hips, along Jared’s waist as he glides up the length of Jared’s body, hands moving underneath Jared’s shoulders, pulling him up from the bed to meet him in a kiss.

Jensen reaches for the nightstand again, fingers catching against a condom in the open drawer, and Jared’s hand reaches out, takes him by the wrist.

“No. I want to _feel_ you,” Jared insists.

“Jared… I don’t… I’ve never. Not without…not unless I was in a relationship for a while first.”

“Me, neither,” Jared says. “That’s why I know it’s safe.”

“Are you sure?” Jensen asks.

Jared nods once, hips lifting, wet, hot hole pushing against Jensen’s cock.

Jensen reaches for the bottle again and slicks his cock, shivering at the sensation of his own hand dragging up the curve. And this, this is what Jensen wants to see; Jared a sexed-out wreck, need and want filling him as he gazes back at Jensen, love and desire written in every line of his face. The velvety head of Jensen’s cock nudges between Jared’s thighs, teasing just at the edge.

“God, you’re perfect," Jensen breathes, kissing Jared, pushing, thrusting all the way inside himr, fingers curling in Jared’s hair, and fuck, yes, right there, inside Jared, filling him—

“Jensen," Jared gasps.

"God... want you... so much, Jared." Fingers smoothing back the hair from Jared’s face, hips thrusting, pulling back, eyes boring into Jared’s, and he's so beautiful and fierce, gorgeous and strong.

"Want you, always," Jensen breathes. It's the truth, burning as he confesses, everything given in a moment.

Lips kissing at his words, breathing them in, brushing along Jensen’s jaw, Jensen’s, hips coiling and pushing, Jared’s legs wrapping around his waist, heels digging against the curve of his ass.

"I've…never…" Jared whispers, hand touching Jensen’s face, mouth rising to meet his, "wanted…" thrusting to meet Jensen, "anything more."

Hands through Jared’s hair, his head pushed back against the bed and Jensen's drunk with the feel of Jared against him, of being inside him—this beautiful, amazing, sweet, wonderful man, and he's Jensen’s, given to Jensen so completely, and Jensen can't give less, wrapping his arms tight around Jared and thrusting deep.

"God, Jensen," Jared breathes against his mouth, Jensen's hips shoving against Jared’s driving deep. "I want… I can't… What you mean…"

"I know," Jensen whispers.

"You don't," Jared gasps. He's so beautiful, molten heat against Jensen.

"I know what you mean to me," Jensen breathes. "I know you're beautiful." Hands moving to map the skin of Jared’s outer thighs, thumbs curling into the hollows of his hips, thrust and pull and lips kissing Jared’s. "Inside and out." Words whispered as a shiver echoes through Jensen’s spine, shivering like he's cold, but he isn't; every nerve on fire.

He clutches Jared’s hip with one hand, other rising to touch Jared’s face, fingertips tracing along the curve of his cheekbone. "I know… that I can trust you."

The space of a breath, thrusting to fill Jared, fingers trailing upward into his hair, winding in the strands, tugging his head backward as Jensen kisses down into him.

"I trust you," Jensen says again.

"I know." Jared closes his eyes, bites down against his lower lip, then kisses Jensen. "I trust you, too."

Jared shouldn't trust him. already... he really shouldn't. But he does, he does and… god, Jensen loves him.

"I know it’s fast. I know I've made mistakes before," Jared breathes, hips rocking against Jensen, hand gripping Jensen’s shoulder, pulling him closer. "But you're… not one of them. You're…" lips brushing against Jensen’s, fingers coiling in his hair, "You're right. You're the one right thing in all of this craziness… and not because you're a distraction…" he shudders, thrusting, and Jensen smoothes the hair back from his face, wanting to see him, eyes boring into Jared’s. “Not because you make me forget everything outside.” Jared shakes his head fractionally, hazel eyes burning into Jensen’s, and Jensen’s head is on fire, lost in the way Jared looks at him. "Because you're _you_."

Jared speaks the words like they're a revelation, holding on to Jensen like this, looking at Jensen like this, like Jensen's the most precious thing he's ever seen.

In all his life, Jensen's never been loved like this.

It feels too big to hold inside, like Jensen might burst if he doesn't show Jared, tell him, make it known somehow. He draws breath to speak and curls his hips underneath him, thrusting into Jared at an angle, head of his cock pushing against that sensitive spot inside Jared before sliding to fill him, and the breath leaves both of them in a shared gasp of pleasure, fingertips clutching at each other just to hold on.

"So beautiful," Jensen whispers, painting the words against Jared’s lips, hips rocking into him, and he's gone, caught in the rhythm between them.

Skin to skin and he feels like the most incredible thing Jensen's ever known, sweet and hot and perfect and Jensen fucks into him with slow, merciless thrusts that wind Jensen’s muscles tighter, heat pooling low in his belly, every nerve alive and electric.

Connected mouth to chest to hip, palm curved against Jared’s shoulder blade, fingertips grasping his shoulder, holding Jared as he reaches down between them, thumb brushing against the head of Jared’s cock as he thrusts, name breathed out against Jared’s mouth, and Jared’s hips buck, combined sensations too much, head snapping backward as he comes, wetting their bellies with pearly slick. 

Jensen watches his face, greedy to see it all, to watch Jared lose himself completely in pleasure, so pure and perfect and god, Jensen could stay here like this forever, watching him fall apart in the best possible way. Jared's muscles clamp down around Jensen and he gasps, stiffening against Jared, inside him as his orgasm hits him hard, pulsing wet heat as pleasure spirals through him in contracting waves, winding higher and higher until the world narrows to the space between his hips, white-hot and overwhelming, leaving both of them writhing, Jensen filling him with shivering thrusts, mouth devouring his.

He bites down hard against Jared’s lower lip, growling as his orgasm surges, and fuck, he hasn’t come this hard in possibly ever, colors exploding behind his tightly closed eyes, coming apart while Jared comes apart underneath him.

Then, slow kisses as they come back down, bodies twitching with aftershocks, both of them left breathless, Jensen’s eyes fluttering open and meeting Jared’s.

"That… that was…" he begins, trailing off.

"Yeah," Jared breathes, nodding, smile curving his lips.

Jensen chuckles, letting his head tip forward, forehead touching Jared’s, the two of them just breathing for a moment, Jensen watching the smile playing about Jared’s lips.

"You're…" Jared pauses, breath catching in his throat, eyes fluttering shut. "I've never," he breathes, "felt this way about anyone before."

Even without the sheer, raw emotion in his voice Jensen would know he was telling the truth. Jensen’s never felt this way before, either. Foreheads pressed against each other and he's never felt this way about anyone, except for Jared. Sunshine made flesh and with a beating heart, held tight in his arms, and Jensen has never loved anyone like this. He can see Jared, right down to his soul, so sincere and given to this, to Jensen.

"I love you," Jensen breathes back, eyes rising to meet Jared’s. "More than I thought I could ever love anyone."

The words leave him naturally, without fear; and it's crazy, it's young and it's new, untried and untested, but it's also true.

"I love you, too." Jared’s voice is level as he looks at Jensen, but Jensen can see it in his face; the tenderness and wonder in him, how precious Jensen’s words are to him, how much Jensen means.

The corner of Jensen’s mouth curves in a smile and he leans to kiss Jared, lips lingering on Jared’s; slow, lazy swirls of tongue, fingers twining together, until they’re both sighing contentedly.

Jensen rolls over onto his back, taking his weight off Jared. Jared turns on his side, slinging an arm across Jensen’s chest, and Jensen takes Jared’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together.

“That was so intense,” Jensen remarks, exhaling a long, slow breath.

“I know right?” Jared asks, and Jensen can feel the rumble in Jared’s chest as he speaks, that deep voice breathy against his skin, the drawing of breath into his lungs, the beating of his heart.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Jensen tells him, smiling as he squeezes Jared’s hand. Jensen turns on his side, touching his forehead to Jared’s, looking into his eyes. 

“Me, too,” Jared sighs, happily.

Jensen wraps his arms around Jared and Jared snuggles close up against him, bare warm skin pressed against him from head to toe, and he feels safe, feels comfortable and happy, like he could die right here and he’d be okay with that.

He’s dozing, on the edge of drifting off, scent of Jared filling him, when Jared shifts, stirring against him.

“We should go check on Loki and Thor,” Jared says, sounding reluctant.

Jensen opens one eye, groaning. He doesn’t want to move, but Jared’s right. Plus, it’s way too early to go to sleep yet.

“But I can’t wait to have more sex with you and fall asleep with you later,” Jared says grinning at him.

Jensen chuckles, nodding at Jared’s obvious excitement. “And in the morning, we make pancakes together, and eat outside and have our coffee while we watch Thor explore the yard.”

Jared nods, smiling. “I kind of don’t want the day to end though,” Jared says.

“Don’t worry,” Jensen assures him, kissing him softly. “We’ll make an even better one tomorrow.”

*

Jared decides he might be hungry after all, and Jensen puts on music while he makes food in the kitchen, Loki sitting on the counter and watching, Thor lying by his feet, Jared pressed against his back like second skin, peering over his shoulder and watching.

“It’s just a sandwich,” Jensen says, huffing out a laugh at Jared’s rapt attention.

Jared turns his face against Jensen’s throat, pressing a kiss there. “Yeah, but you’re making a sandwich for me. With love.” A beat, and then, “It’s a love sandwich,” he concludes.

In the quiet after their laughter subsides, Jensen catches the faint guitar riff of the song playing, words drifting to him.

_And all I do is sit and think about you_   
_If I knew what you'd do_   
_Collapse my veins wearing beautiful shoes_   
_It's not living if it's not with you_

It feels so right, and true. He feels so alive right now, aware, like something inside him waking up for the very first time. And it’s strange that it took a pandemic and a quarantine confining him to his house, to realize the truth: He’s been surviving, but he hasn’t really been living, and it’s funny how he never realized that until he _couldn’t_ go out and live. He’s not even sure he was alive before he met Jared-- breathing, sure, but not truly alive.

Jensen turns around to face Jared, wrapping his arms around Jared’s waist and staring up into those beautiful eyes.

“You know you’re not allowed to leave now, right?

Jared’s mouth tugs in a half smile, eyes twinkling mischievously. “Of course not. It isn’t safe out there.”

Jensen grins and kisses him.

“Jensen?” Jared murmurs, and Jensen draws back to look at him again. “Do you mean… like, ever?”

Jensen thinks about that for a moment, uncertain what the answer should be. He isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say, but he knows what he feels. “The smart thing would be to say, ‘we’ll see how it goes’. But what I want to say…”

“What?” Jared asks, a little breathless, his eyes riveted on Jensen.

“What I want to say is… Plan on being here forever.”

Jared smiles, that warm smile just for Jensen that melts Jensen’s heart like butter.

“It’s not living if it’s not with you,” Jensen tells him, and leans in to kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, there's more! 💖 Epilogue still to come!


	13. Quarantine & Beyond

EPILOGUE

Jared wakes in the morning, blinking hard, disoriented for a moment. For a second, he’s deeply struck by the notion that it’s all been a dream, and he’s still lying at home in bed, Thor lying on the floor beside him. For just an instant, the idea is so complete and terrible that he feels fear flutter in his stomach, sickness following close behind. And then his eyes focus on a ceiling that isn’t his, the sound of breathing next to him, Jensen’s arm slung across his chest, head lying against the curve of Jared’s shoulder.

He doesn’t even stop to breathe a sigh of relief; his happiness is too immediate and all-consuming, face breaking into a smile. He cranes his neck, turning his head to look at Jensen’s face resting on his shoulder. 

Jensen’s so beautiful. Even more beautiful in person, and Jared wouldn’t have believed it were possible if he weren’t seeing it with his own eyes even now. He’s superhumanly gorgeous; Jared’s almost certain he can’t be human. Definitely fey. Just look at him, with those thick, dark lashes lying against his cheek, the perfect line of his nose and the high curves of his cheekbones, the angle of his jaw and the thickening beard that’s growing in. His hair is starting to get a little length to it, strands resting against his forehead and giving him a softer look even more suited to angelicness. 

Jensen is here, right beside him, naked and warm, bare shoulder visible above the white sheet, breathing gently against Jared’s side, and Jared is overcome by a wave of love so sharp and deep it seems to take his stomach right out from under him. He leans to kiss Jensen’s forehead and smiles against the skin, eyes fluttering closed for an instant before he whispers, “Hey.”

Jensen stirs, blinking sleepily as he lifts his head, glass-green eyes flickering open to meet Jared’s with an answering smile.

“Good morning,” Jensen whispers back, and his smile is like the sun, the moon and the stars all at once. Jared feels intoxicated, light-headed at the sight of it. Jensen kisses him then, full on, and Jared spares a split second of thought for brushing his teeth before he stops caring.

Jensen rolls him over, lacing his fingers through Jared’s as he pins him to the bed with his weight, and Jared can feel the thick, delicious tangle of anticipation in his guts, wanting Jensen so much. Last night, before they’d slept, Jensen had rimmed him until he’d thought his brain was going to liquify, and then fucked him so hard and deep he’d thought he might die from the pleasure. This morning, Jensen opens him up slowly with his fingers, teasing at Jared’s cock with his tongue until Jared's begging senselessly for him. 

Jensen rolls them over again, putting Jared on top, and Jared arches his back, slides down the length of Jensen’s cock until he’s resting against Jensen’s body, Jensen fully seated inside him. Hard, thick width of him filling Jared with amazing pressure, and Jared rolls his hips, riding Jensen slow until he’s at a steady gallop, their hands locked together in fists, Jarted staring down into Jensen’s eyes, tracing out the line and curve of his throat, the jut of his collarbone beneath the skin, the firm, taut musculature of him, so finely wrought.

Jensen is so hot it drives Jared crazy, but he’s even hotter because of the way he looks at Jared; heart spilling out through his eyes, there in every word, every touch, every thrust of his hips. Like Jared’s the best thing that’s ever existed, like Jared is _his_ . And Jared _is_. Jared bends, whispers the words into Jensen’s ear and feels Jensen pull in a quick, hard breath, hips snapping to meet Jared’s, fingers tangling in Jared’s hair and dragging Jared’s mouth to his in a soul-crushing kiss. 

It’s sweet and rough, and Jared’s done plenty of fucking in his time--less of making love, but he’s done that, too. This is both somehow, at the same time, intense, hard and tender all at once, and Jared’s mind is blown long before he comes, shuddering and twisting and crying out Jensen’s name amidst a rush of curses.

They lie together afterward, twined together and sweating against the sheets, just breathing, Jared resting his weight against Jensen’s chest until Jensen kisses him again, long and slow and thoroughly and Jesus, no one’s ever kissed him the way Jensen does, his stomach turning over and inside out with the sweet intensity of it.

“You are so amazing,” Jared tells him, smiling as they draw back from kissing. 

“You bring it out in me,” Jensen confesses, and the smile on his face looks about as completely silly and lovesick as Jared feels.

“You mean you’re not usually this good to everyone?” Jared asks, suddenly curious.

“Not like this.” Jensen gives a small shake of his head. “Everything feels so natural with you. Like it’s easy. I don’t even have to try.”

“I’ve never felt this comfortable with anyone before,” Jared says with a contented sigh. “Just laying here with you, being naked with you… it feels more right than anywhere I’ve ever been in my entire life.”

“I know what you mean,” Jensen says, thoughtful. “Like everything else has always been a little bit wrong, but I didn’t know because I never had anything else to compare it to before.”

Jared’s eyes widen slightly, a happy, wide smile gracing his mouth, and then he nods, satisfied, because Jensen really _does_ get it. “Exactly like that.”

“How did I get so lucky?” Jensen asks, beaming at him, and Jared has to fight against the feeling of faintness that look inspires.

“You didn’t,” Jared tells him, grinning as he leans to kiss Jensen again. “You deserve this. We both do.”

They kiss for a long time, reveling in the feel of each other, and Jared doesn’t think he could ever want for anything more than this.

*

They make breakfast together, Jared scrambling eggs (one of the few things he knows how to make) and Jensen making pancakes from scratch, coffee brewing on the counter. Loki sits nearby on the counter, watching them curiously, Thor moving from one side of them to the other, watching for any pieces of food that might try to escape from them.

They take Thor out to the side yard and sit on top of the picnic bench, plates on their laps, thighs pressed tight together as they eat and sip coffee and watch Thor run around, sniffing everything.

They talk about the city, Jensen explaining what DC city life is like, telling Jared all the places he wants to take Jared when quarantine is finally over, and then Jensen turns more serious, eyeing Jared as he sets his fork on his plate.

“We didn’t talk about it much last night, but are you okay with staying here?” Jensen pauses, then clears his throat, continuing, “I don’t mean for a week, or a few weeks. I mean indefinitely. Are you ready for that?”

Jared stares at him for a moment, unblinking, before his lips curve in a grin. “Should I call for the movers today? Because....” He lifts one hand in front of him, consults his bare arm and non-existent watch. “I think I could fit that in before we start working.”

Jensen laughs, and somewhere another fairy gets its wings. 

“You're really not big on restraint are you?” Jensen asks, still chuckling.

“Depends on what kind of restraint we’re talking about,” Jared replies, suggestive, wiggling his brows.

“Mmm,” Jensen hums, leaning to kiss him briefly. “We might just have to find out how much you like it.”

Jared shivers deliciously at the suggestion. “God, you’re perfect.”

Jensen smirks and kisses him again.

“Hmm,” Jensen hums again, thoughtful this time as he draws back. “I guess we’re going to have to tell Jeff.”

“You think he’ll mind?”

“Nah.” Jensen shakes his head. “Just seems right to be honest with him about it.”

Jared nods in agreement, thinking. “Tell him he’s invited to the wedding, that ought to smooth things over.”

Jensen laughs again, shaking his head, looking at Jared with adoring incredulity. “I love you so much.”

“I hope so, if we’re getting married,” Jared quips with a wink and a grin.

“I love your sense of humor, too,” Jensen comments.

“Oh, you think I’m kidding,” Jared contradicts, grinning playfully.

Jensen assesses him for a moment, smile playing about his lips. “I think you’re half-kidding.”

Jared chuckles then, relenting. “I _am_ kidding--well, _half_ -kidding, yeah. But… I’m not in a rush, Jensen.”

“Good,” Jensen says after a moment. “Because I might need a couple more days.”

He leans in and presses a kiss to Jared’s astonished, open mouthed grin.

  
  


_______

  
  


POST-QUARANTINE DAY 1

Eighty-six days after it began, quarantine is officially called to an end. People begin to return to work and businesses begin to re-open, all with mask mandates and social distancing in full effect. Jensen and Jared continue to work from home to reduce the risk of spreading the disease, and because they easily can. 

Still, it’s been two months of spending almost every moment together, and neither of them is tired of it. Jared doesn’t think he could ever get tired of Jensen’s company. There’s always something to talk about, and he’s been learning to cook to the point where he can make dinner for them sometimes. Jensen continues to read to him in bed at night, and they make their way through the entire Narnia series before Jensen tells him it’s a Christian allegory. Off Jared’s surprised expression, Jensen nods and tells him how he grew up reading the books and didn’t know until he was twenty.

They do Zoom chats with their parents and other family on occasion. But mostly they do Zoom chats with Chad and Danneel, sometimes with Chris, and sometimes, on the more memorable occasions, with all three. 

Life is good. They watch shows and play games, they cook and take online tours, they play with Thor and Loki, they talk and they fuck, and every day, Jared swears he falls even deeper in love with Jensen.

He’d never known he could feel this way about anyone. It’s dear, and it’s special, and he feels so blessed to have found Jensen. He could never feel good about the Coronavirus happening, not with as many people who have suffered and died from it--but sometimes he’s grateful for the fact of quarantine allowing him to get so close to Jensen. He wonders sometimes if quarantine had never happened if they would have met in the office, eventually, and fallen in love there instead. Somehow, he thinks they might have. They might have. But would they have gotten to know each other as intimately? Would it have been as intense? Would it be this deep, and this real?

He’s glad he’ll never have to find out.

_____

  
  


POST QUARANTINE DAY 5

_____

POST QUARANTINE DAY 9

_____  
  
  


POST QUARANTINE DAY 11

“Jensen, hurry up!” Jared calls from the office. 

“Coming,” Jensen yells back from the kitchen. 

Jared’s sitting in front of the laptop on the desk, watching the scene unfolding on the screen with mounting excitement, impatient and not wanting Jensen to miss it. He’s dressed in his work clothes, because they’ll be working from home together today, but they’ll be starting a bit later than usual.

“Jensen!” he calls out again, and he can hear Jensen’s laughter all the way from the kitchen.

Less than a minute later, Jensen enters the office with two steaming mugs of coffee, looking incredible. His beard is full, but carefully trimmed close, shaved with an electric razor to a neat line beneath his cheekbones, echoing the curvature of the bone itself. It might make him look older, if it weren’t for the fact that his hair is long enough to tumble onto his forehead. Instead the combined effect makes him even more drop dead, heart-stoppingly, superhumanly amazingly gorgeous, and Jared has just given up trying to quantify some kind of upper limit to Jensen’s attractiveness. 

To top it all off, he’s wearing a white button up that brings out the slight tan of his skin, top button undone to bare the hollow of his throat. Jared has spent a lot of time kissing that very spot, is intimately familiar with it, but it still makes him half hard just thinking about kissing Jensen there.

Jared has a full beard now, too, not cropped quite as close or as neatly as Jensen’s, but he keeps it mostly under control. Neither of them have had a haircut since before quarantine, and Jared finds that he likes the even longer length of hair on himself, though Jensen likes to tease him sometimes that Jared’s the spitting image of Jesus, and how he can’t believe he gets to fuck Jesus full time, which makes both of them laugh.

Jared’s love of the Sistine Chapel aside, he’s never been very religious.

“Has she started yet?” Jensen asks, setting Jared’s mug of coffee down next to the laptop. He moves around behind Jared, leaning down and wrapping one arm around Jared’s neck in an embrace, chin resting on Jared’s shoulder so he can watch the laptop screen.

He can’t see Jensen’s face, but he can hear the sharp intake of Jensen’s breath as they watch the first cheetah of the litter being born. 

Three months almost to the day since Jared first took Jensen to the zoo, when they’d been miles apart and had barely known each other, and now here they are; side by side and in love, watching the cheetahs they’d seen conceived be born on one screen. That third day they’d known each other, that they’d toured the zoo, Jared would never have believed he’d been sitting here now, except for maybe in his dreams.

The second baby is well on its way into the world, but the first baby seems to be doing well. It’s still wet with fluids, fur slicked down, but Jared can already tell it’s almost lethally cute--if cute were a weapon, they’d both be in their death throes right now.

Jared turns his cheek and kisses the curve of Jensen’s big, bright smile. He watches the light shining in Jensen’s face and decides for the thousandth time that there is no end to Jensen’s beauty.

He turns his head to look back at the screen, smiling himself, and cuts Jensen a sidelong look as he says, “They might be more adorable than me.”

Jensen cranes his neck and looks Jared full in the eyes, the love Jared sees there making him melt. 

“Not even close,” Jensen tells him.

_______

  
  


A LITTLE WHILE AFTER THAT

On what promises to be a sweltering Saturday in mid-July, Jared wakes to the delicious smell of breakfast being cooked, scent of bacon, eggs and French toast mingled together in the cool air in the bedroom. He stretches luxuriously against the sheets, Loki stirring beside him, and wonders why Jensen hadn’t woken him, feeling the warm sunlight fall on his skin through the blinds, contentment and joy filling his heart like it does every morning he wakes up and realizes he’s still with Jensen.

“Take it to Daddy,” he hears Jensen urge from somewhere in the hall, and then the happy, trotting footsteps of Thor as the dog picks up speed on his way to the bedroom.

Thor appears a moment later, one of his toys caught in his mouth, and Jared doesn’t pay much attention--Thor will get plenty of playtime in a minute--his attention turning to Jensen as Jensen enters the room just behind the dog.

He’s dressed in nothing except a thin, white silk robe cinched low on his waist, most of his chest and legs exposed as he walks, breakfast tray carried carefully in both hands.

Jared lets out a low whistle of appreciation and Jensen sends Jared a brilliant smile before looking at Thor.

“Go on,” Jensen urges. “Give it to Daddy.”

Jared frowns, bemused, and looks at Thor, reaching out for Thor’s mouth. “Whatcha got, boy?”

Jensen comes up alongside the bed and sets the tray down on the nightstand, two plates piled with artfully arranged food on its surfaces, steaming mugs of coffee on either side of the plates. He kneels down then, patting Thor on the head before slinging an arm around the dog’s shoulders. As if curious, Loki steps onto Jared’s stomach, sitting down without ceremony, golden eyes fixed on Thor.

For a moment, Thor doesn’t want to give up whatever he’s got, and then his jaws release, and Jared pulls the toy free. It doesn’t feel like a ball, and it takes Jared a moment to orient what he’s holding in his hands, and a moment longer to understand what he’s seeing.

His hands start to shake a little, heart speeding up inside his chest. He fumbles the box, almost dropping it, and then he manages to flip it open.

“It’s hemimorphite in malachite druzy,” Jensen tells him. “It matches your eyes.”

“Jensen…” he breathes.

It’s perfect. Thick, silver ring with a teardrop stone set into the band so that it’s flat, crystalline sparkle of deep aqua blue within its depths, brown outer stone still attached in places and polished smooth and bright, swirls of blue and hazel with green flecked here and there through it. 

“Still want a cake shaped like a laptop?” Jensen asks, and still astounded, Jared pulls his eyes from the ring to look at Jensen.

Jensen’s smile is wide and beyond beautiful, his eyes shining lightly with fierce, happy tears as he says:

“So, what do you say, Jared Padalecki? Wanna get married?”

“Oh my God, Jensen,” Jared gasps, and lunges for him, arms flying around Jensen’s neck and wresting him away from Thor.

He tucks his face into the curve where Jensen’s neck meets his shoulder and inhales deeply, basking in the scent, the feel of him, the perfection of this moment. And then he pulls back, looks into those shining eyes--those sweet, loving, kind eyes--his own tears welling up.

“You know you don’t even have to ask,” Jared says, shaking his head in wonder.

“I know,” Jensen whispers with a tremulous smile. “But I’d still like to hear it.”

“Then, yes,” Jared answers without hesitation. “Absolutely, one-hundred percent _yes_.”

Thor and Loki still watching them curiously, Jensen pulls Jared close and kisses him hard.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever existed, and I get to have you in my life,” Jensen remarks, voice thick with emotion as he draws back.

Jared leans his forehead against Jensen’s, smiling as he looks him in the eye.

“Quit stealing my best lines,” Jared tells him, and somewhere, a unicorn gives sudden, spontaneous birth.

  
  


FINIS

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys! You are the best. Thank you so MUCH for all your amazing comments and love throughout! I'm glad if it brought you joy--it brought me joy to write it. I hope this has helped a bit with what we're all going through. Hope you loved the end! (And a timestamp is in the cards... 😉) 💖💖💖


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